Love Ya, Mean It

Ah, Valentine’s Day.

Who love me? My pussies. My pussies looooooove me.

The day of love so many tend to loathe while others welcome the warm fuzzies with gigantic appetites that rival my admiration for wine and Skinny Pirates.

The feel of Love Day for certain peeps.

As a kid, I carefully crafted a Valentine’s Day mailbox for school every year (you know, back when you could celebrate shit in school without the worry of the teeniest tiniest chance of offending someone). Students weren’t required to participate but I can’t remember when a kid didn’t. Everyone in class gave everyone a Valentine. If a kid didn’t have a box my teacher (shout out to my first grade teacher, Mrs. Shawler who reads this blog!) had an extra shoebox or two wrapped in red paper. No one was left out.

Will you be mine?

I was always lucky that I had a family who liked to celebrate everything, so no holiday was ignored. Not even one that I now often hear claims that it’s “made up” for people to get gifts. (Well peeps, if you treated your loved ones “special” all the time, grand gesture days wouldn’t be needed, now would they? You could simply just get a well-meaning card or write a note from the heart any day of the year but I digress). My sister and I’d wake up at home to little Valentines on our chairs at the kitchen table, maybe along with a small box of chocolates. We were always excited for the party to take place that day at school.

Fast forward to high school when the day of admiration became a sport of sorts.

If this high school Glamour Shot doesn’t make you want to be mine, I don’t know what fucking will.

The Honor Society sold carnations to fellow students for a dollar every Valentine’s week and the members would drop the flower off to your designated recipient anonymously. Some peeps had armloads. Some had none. I just wanted a pink one.

Some girls got called to the office and paraded delivered – delivered in a vase and everything – flowers around school. It didn’t matter if it was from their dad, grandparents or boyfriend. I was one jealous bitch. Then, in an instant, that all changed.

Because I became that girl one year.

Oh hi. I got the flowers…and then some.

The Honor Society members delivered carnations during first period. I was in concert band every morning with my sweet silver Doc Severinsen trumpet at my side. My sophomore year, the doors flung open and the band instructor stopped our warm-up. A group of kids came in hauling carnations in large buckets for their soon-to-be owners. While I was hoping to get a flower or two, my eyes laid sight on the mother of all Valentine’s day hauls. A gigantic, white stuffed teddy bear with a red bow around its neck, holding a bag of Hershey’s Kisses. So enormous, you couldn’t see the person transporting it.

About as big as this dog I gifted Princess B a few years back.

I think I literally turned green with envy at whoever was going to be the recipient of this stuffed animal. I mean, I thought I would get a flower or two because my girlfriends and I always sent them back and forth. But this, this shit was different. This was the stuff that warm and fuzzy, cheesy as fuck Valentine’s memories were crafted.

Being in the brass of the band, I sat in the last row of the room. And I’ll be damned if that fucking bear didn’t inch its way closer and closer. I kept thinking…which girl had a boyfriend that sat near me? I couldn’t wait to see who was going to get the pristine bear.

As the hidden stuffed animal transporter walked behind me, I almost gave myself whiplash looking to my left. But to my unabashed chagrin, that motherfucker was lifted over my head and sat into my lap. Hershey’s fucking kisses and all. To this day, that is one of my best Valentine’s Days (which may seem a little sad since my day of love peaked in high school but I mean, it’s true).

This moment of sweetness it didn’t come from a love interest. It came from a friend. From a best friend who (although didn’t take me to his senior prom and I will never, ever let him forget it) remains a bestie to this day.

Oh the bangs. On both of us.

The teddy bear came from Scooby.

We share a love of stuffed animals. Obvies.

Relationship game still on point today.

This gesture seemed like the grandest of all gestures in the universe at the time. All of these years later, it still does. My gay best friend delivered my grandest Valentine’s Day memory. Why was this so significant? Because he didn’t have to do anything. But he loved me and wanted me to know. Isn’t that just a simple thing to do?

Scooby was celebrating Galentine’s Day with me before Galentine’s Day was a thing.

Galentine’s Day started about a decade ago on the TV show, Parks and Recreation by Amy Poehler’s character to celebrate “ovaries before brovaries”. It was about women celebrating female friendship.

Now, Galentine’s is a nonofficial holiday celebrating all things love without romance.

Grand gestures aren’t needed (but if any of you have a Louis Vuitton en route for delivery today, professing your love for me, I am not going to turn it down). A single flower is nice. A card will do. A simple text message. A smile, a hug, a thank you. Whether it’s love or like in today’s climate, bringing happiness to any and all of those around us isn’t really that hard. We just have to be kind to let one another know that we like – or even love – them.

Finding yourself in a non-traditional Valentine’s day sitch? You aren’t alone. You do have love in your life.

Maybe we are madly in love with our offspring and the kids around us…

Maybe we are in love with our partner who we married on Valentine’s Day…

Maybe we are madly in love with our careers, jobs, work pals….

Maybe we are madly in love with our parents and write them letters to them when they’re away…

Maybe we are madly in love with extended family…

Maybe we are madly in love with our fur babies (which you all know I’m bat shit about mine and is honestly the greatest love in the entire universe)…

Maybe we are madly in love with thoughts of yesteryear…

Maybe we are madly in love with our sibling…

Maybe we are madly in love with our friends…

Regardless of what it is in your life that you love, be madly in love with your own authentic self first.

Yep. This about sums it up for me.

If you don’t love (let alone like) yourself as your own #1, no one will love the true you who is meant to be loved.

Be your own damn Valentine. Because whether you realize it or not, there is some sort of love in your life worth celebrating (even if that deep, deep love is for binge watching Netflix).

Make some snacks.

Toast to yourself.

Johnny always shows his love.

Whatever it may be, treat yourself to your version of my stuffed teddy bear this Valentine’s Day.

Heart heels – my updated stuffed animal.

After spreading some love around the office today, I’m mauling my fur babies and then taking myself out with First Mate. The same as we did last Galentine’s Day and the year prior- to not only toast to our love of one another but also to how badass we both are in our own right.

Last day of love we went to Sperry’s – an old school steak house where the same patrons have been visiting during the restaurant’s 45-year existence. First Mate and I felt like runway supermodels surrounded by folks in their eighth decade of life and said yes to the complimentary dessert and adult beverages that headed our way.

So fancy in 2019.

Now go be the love of your own damn life. If you need inspiration, please think of me.

Love ya, mean it.

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

 

 

Weekend Winks – Wild Beer, Wild Times and Wild Pussies

Does anyone have a private jet so I can fulfill my niece’s request below? All she wants to do is play and paint her nails red with me. I promise that I will act like an ass because I’ve done so before while riding private.

Plus, just listen to her little voice. I’m considering driving through the night just to get a mani with her tomorrow. That’s not crazy is it?

Before trying to solicit my body for a plane ride to fulfill Princess B’s wishes, Dada CBXB and I stopped by Mr. Whisker’s Liquor in Nashville Friday for a tasting of Wild Ginger Alcoholic Beer and Wild Alcoholic Root Beer (both of which are gluten free).

Beer tasting with the Big Guy.

Big guy with a tiny cup.

Naturally, we almost cleaned out the supply before heading across the street to my beloved Dalts.

Greedy grab.

Greedy grab.

Dada lasted long enough to see Bird Lady and The Silent Indian.  We were asked to ‘keep it down’ before we were even inebriated –  I mean hell, I was still on my first Skinny Pirate!

A little too loud for the patrons with hearing aids. Surprise.

A little too loud for the patrons with hearing aids.
Surprise.

So to quiet ourselves down, we opted for tequila shots.

Tequila totally tones it down.

Tequila totally tones it down.

Speaking of surprise, I ran into one of my old bandmates and we reminisced about the days when we kicked some rock ass.

Bandmates reunite!

Reunited and it feels so good.

Sleeping off my Friday fun, someone could hardly contain their excitement for Saturday.

Jumping for Saturday joy!

I wish I had .0001% of this chick’s energy.

Mustering up the gumption to get out of my mini manse proved worthwhile as I got to see my cousin who was visiting from Atlanta on a weekend girls trip. While we had good intentions to make it a brunch, it also turned into lunch and almost supper.

Hussies!

Why thank you, we’ll have another.

Just there a teeny, tiny while.

Just there a teeny, tiny five hours.

In an attempt to detox, I slapped on a face mask and wanted to soak in the suds. But Ruby Sue had other ideas and ended up in the tub with me.

Jason and

A look-a-like Jason Voorhees and my stalker.

Wanting none of the water park action, Ted and his shadow Elsa Pants barely moved the entire evening.

Two peas on a purple pod.

Two peas on a purple pod.

We moved the party to the bedroom for a change of scenery. Mr. Bear made sure his spot was secure on my chest as he evil eyed the fuck out of Elsa and Rocky.

Triple show down.

Triple show down.

Ruby Sue, deeming herself princess of the mini manse declined the slumber party and sat in her color coordinating throne.

Princess bed for a princess.

Yes, her eyes are always that wide.

Judging from my Monday morning thus far, I’ll be drinking out of this coffee mug non-stop the next five days.

Looks like this is the kinda week I'll be having. At least I have the appropriate mug.

Truth.

Here’s hoping this is a week where you have your shit together.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

Weekend Winks – Farewell to New Cat

RIP New New

RIP New New

My own personal Dennis the Menace passed away suddenly from a blood clot on his lower spine at the end of last week.

The

Baby in a bag.

I woke up to his cries at 4am and when Teddy and I got to his side, he couldn’t stand up on his back legs and we rushed him to an animal ER, where there was nothing to be done for my little three-year old. So we had to say a swift and immediate goodbye minutes after we’d arrived to the hospital.

Breaking the news to Mr. Bear proved to be more difficult than I thought, as he has continuously roamed the mini manse in search of his always a pain in the ass brother to no avail.

Brotherly love.

Brotherly love at its most annoying.

I have been comforted by the calls, cards, messages, flowers and all around good will from people – some whom I’ve never even met – wise to the void the loss of a fur baby causes.

Comfort

You guys rock.

I was also comforted by my Captain, Dad and Camo Friday evening at my local watering hole, Dalts.

Cheers to Newy!

Cheers to Newy!

And you know photos I received throughout the weekend of Prince and Princess B put a wide smile on my face.

Two happy faces

Making my mug happy.

A girl’s night out with a fellow animal gal pal, who said all of the right things made for a comforting Saturday.

Girlfriends know just what to do.

Girlfriends know just what to do.

But in the end, Ted and I are leaning heavy on each other as we mourn the loss of the most annoying cat on earth.

Love

The best kind of friends.

But he was our most annoying cat who is now up there somewhere on Gma’s lap annoying the piss out of her.

Cheers to you my little New Cat.

We miss you something terrible.

CBXB and Ted

CBXB!

 

 

National Teddy B…er, I Mean Cat Day

It’s National Cat Day folks.

This is the biggest holiday of my year (don’t judge) as most of you know just how cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs I am about my pussy, Teddy B.  He’s the yin to my yang. The side to my kick. The “me” to my “ow”.   So in a dire attempt to make my furball love me all the more, I present you with an ode to the best bear on the planet…

Ahem.

Oh Ted you bring so much joy and good cheer,

Even when your piercing looks could kill.

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Always a sport when I dress you up,

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You never lose your cool when the costume fucks up.

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Cinco de Teddy was a highlight last year and

while I was sure we had matching sombreros,

Image 2

I’m pretty sure you were trying to figure out

how to pierce my heart with an arrow.

Image 1

Bunny ears aren’t your favorite as you made very clear,

Image

So I made you a pirate, in which (I kinda think) you revered.

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Today is your day and in honor of you,

I will break out my finest kit cat attire.

Image

I’ll be sure to slip on your favorite tie  –

before you try to murder me by hire.

Image 1

The night will be yours to do as you please.

Whether it includes Skinny Pirates, shots of Jell-O,

Image 10

or your favorite vino to help you chill and be mellow.

IMG_3571

 Never once this year did you act blue

when we rescued New Cat

New Cat

and he permanently joined our crew.

Kitty Love

Celebrate you we will with all kinds of fun,

Image 24

As my Earth tends to revolve around your sun.

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Happy Teddy Bear Cat Day to all of our furiends!

CBXB

CBXB!

Elvis Lives!

Well, he’s alive and kickin’ in Nashville anyway.

The mini-me version of the rock’n’roll King, Elvis.

When I first glanced at this picture of my friend Whit’s adorable tyke, it almost made me want to procreate (I said almost, so pick your jaw up off the floor people!). Then the clock ticked past that second, I took a long sip of my Skinny Pirate and I decided these photos were too good to keep to myself.

Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love

With his suspicious mind, Teddy practically pounced down my throat when sensing I had a moment’s weakness with a twinge for a mini-Elvis of my own. And to keep the playing field even, I will crazy cat lady out on you (for Ted’s sake, of course).

To win my fur baby back, I reminded him that Elvis had song entitled Teddy Bear.  And then I sang it to him. But of course I had to tweak the lyrics a tad.

“Baby let me be around you every night. Run my fingers through you fur (Elvis said hair but who’s keeping track?) and cuddle you real tight.”

And with that, my Teddy decided to love me tender again.  Who needs the world’s cutest mini-Elvis when you’ve got a lovin’ Teddy Bear?

Not this crazy cat lady (much to Ted’s delight).

CBXB

Booze Hound

It’s so classy getting your pup trashy and being that it’s White Trash Wednesday, I felt the need to feature my First Mate and her fur baby Jacey Kournikova.

First Mate loves her dog just as much as I carry the torch for the furry love of my life, Ted.  Jacey can’t be left alone (she has separation anxiety so she goes to Grandma’s when we go get cocktails), gets to drink puppy lattes (whipped cream) in Starbucks cups, goes to work every day with her dad, has a passport so she can vacation with her parents and also gets to guzzle the occasional margarita.

Jacey and my First Mate living it up on the beach.

One of the many deep connections my First Mate and I have is our adoration for booze (among other passions for our animals, football and shopping) therefore, my heart burst with pride when she sent me the following pictures of her cocktail slurping dog.

At Kenny D’s Beach & Bar Grill in Destin, FL where “The Bayou Meets the Beach,” you can bring your best friend to dine and (more importantly) drink right alongside you.

Hold the salt.

Once she placed her order, Jacey couldn’t decide if she had made the right decision.

Circling the prey.

But ultimately, she chugged the tasty beverage as any margarita loving lady would do.

Cocktails (along with Grandma), make Jacey one hap-hap-happy pooch.

Cheap date due to brain freeze. One and done!

Keeping it classy – like mother, like daughter. Oh how I love them so!

Cheers!

CBXB