How to Make an Ass of Yourself on a Party Bus

For me, making an ass out of myself is so easy.

I just threw my back out

The look of throwing one’s back out.

It all starts with the rental of a party bus – complete with motion lights, dance music, an extremely patient designated driver and a gaggle of loud ladies.

Big wheels keep on turnin'

Big wheels keep on turnin’.

Add in a few bottles of booze to pass the time while cruisin’ around town.

Such a good idea

Feels so good when it hits the lips.

And boom. Immediate dance party on the bus.

Automatic dance party.

No tips please.

As the bus stops at your selected designation, walk on the carpet to the entrance of the bar like E! News is there covering your every move.

Rolled out the red carpet for me. And the 572 other folks at the bar Friday night.

Red carpet for me….and the 572 other folks at the joint.

As you drive around town, be sure to keep your head out the window (yes, just like dogs do) as you drive at 8 mph. The wind will ever-so-slightly be blowing through your hair (and you’ll feel like a vixen from some music video), so as you look like you’ve never met a brush in your life.

When a bouncer of a bar runs up to your window (because you’re driving at such dynamic speeds) and offers your entire bus free shots, try to keep it together.

Nothing a little Jager can't cure

We’ll break your bank. Seriously.

After doing shots for the girls that were too classy to participate (how can you say no? It’s FREE!) show everyone the evidence of your tonsillectomy from when you were 6-years-old.

I just wanted everyone to know that I had my tonsils removed.

Nope. No tonsils in sight.

You know it’s time to party down when the jazz hands come out to play.

Jazz hands!

No girls night out (or asshole) is complete without a set of these babies.

Upon exhibiting your mad dancing skills, it’s important you keep hydrated.

Down the...

Down the…

So you’re able to keep the bus moving off of your energy alone.

No tips please.

The night’s 3,291st rendition of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

By this point, you’ll know it’s time to bust a major move.

Getting down with my ducky self.

Getting down with my ducky self.

Then when someone suggests a move after you keep bragging about knowing how to do hot yoga…

You want me to what?

You want me to what?

…you accept the challenge and pull all kinds muscles you never knew existed within your body.

I got this.

Leaning tower of CBXB.

And when you’re done showing how big of an ass you can be, head to the nearest masseuse.

Trust me.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Girls Night Out

A wild girls night out in Nashville is the proper way to kick-off any weekend, isn’t it?

Bend it like Beckham a crazy dame.

Party boots? Check. Flask in purse? Check. A gaggle of girls? Check.

While already excited to get down with some fabulous ladies, I had an extra reason to celebrate Friday night. I received notice that my college loans were paid IN FULL! While I waited to no avail for balloons to drop from the ceiling in mad celebration, I was in a tad state of shock as I was sure I’d be paying off my education for the rest of my life.

Celebrate good times!

Oh yeah! Only took what felt like 100 years to complete.

So you can bet your ass I did some cocktailing before being escorted to our party bus.

What's GNO without a pre-party cocktail?

Sharing my excitement with you. You’re welcome.

Of course the evening was zero fun. Especially after we started off lightly with Jagermeister.

Nothing a little Jager can't cure

Taking it back college style. Classy, I know.

All of the libations turned me into a lean (kinda bloated from booze, really), mean (I couldn’t stop smiling, so technically a nice) dancing machine.

Automatic dance party.

Can someone please tell the bus driver to not hit any bumps?

And the party just didn’t seem to stop even after we were told to vacate the bus.

Such a good idea

I’m not leaving until this bottle is empty. Sorry. Not sorry.

With every intention of going to hot yoga on Saturday morning, Teddy kinda took over by demanding I stay in bed.

No yoga for you.

No yoga for you.

When I tried to sneak out of the coziness of snuggles, this was the look I was given…

Are you sure? I'm positive.

Leave and you will pay.

So while I was held captive in my own bed (oh the horror) rehydrating, the Iowa twins decided on careers in which they’ll be embarking.

Pianist

A concert pianist for my niece.

Dog whisperer

A dog whisperer for my nephew.

While my heart was bursting with pride over the two cuties’ productiveness, I forced my feet to hit the floor and took to doing household chores Saturday afternoon. With help from my furiend, of course.

Dishwasher extraordinaire.

Dishwasher extraordinaire.

And what to my wondering eyes did appear was a package from one of my fave bloggers, Princess Rosebud from Enchanted Seashells.

Fun in the snail mail!

Fun from snail mail!

Her hubs makes fabulous bracelets and I was lucky enough to receive one!

Bring it.

The green bead stands for wealth and prosperity. BRING IT.

I was also given a pre-Valentine’s Day gift (PVG) in the form of a t-shirt from Mama.

Duh.

I wish she knew me better.

The perfect ending to a party weekend?

Watching the mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead with one hand over my eyes.

Walking Dean wine time!

Walking Wine time!

I suggest watching this TV show in the light of day, not right before you wish to fall asleep (which must be why I’m bleary eyed this am).

Here’s hoping you have a fabulous week.

Cheers!

CBXB!

Bibbysiter Avaleable

Know anyone searching for a childcare provider? I ran across this posting on Craigslist … this man may be for you.

Bibbysiter Avaeleable (cuntry area of Nashvul)

Lookin for a sumbuddy to kinda watch yur cids while you have a gud time? Plese considr me.

Look kids, no hands.

Look, no hands.

Need a gurl’s nite out?

Time to partay.

Kitty, Muffy and Ellie Mae on the prowl.

Or do you want to sneek to the lake and shotgun som buhr?

Who cares about the kids? They're in good overalls.

Who cares about the kids?

Faster!

They’re in good overalls.

Possubley a nite out on maine strete with yur boyfrund of the weke?

Flavor of Week

Fun with mason jars.

My name is Daryhul and I am very gud at watchin babees. I cud rock them on my bales of hae.

bibbysitter

Expert at rocking babies on straw.

I wud evun let ya bring yer cids to my hous.

Playground.

Every child’s dream playground.

I wul evun let them swam in the puhl.

Swimming

Baby pool.

Plese cal me or send me a leter. Im avaleable most daes and nites.

Daryhul

I wonder if this dude also pet sits? It really doesn’t matter, Ted would hate his overalls.

CBXB

CBXB!