Weekend Winks – Thrones ‘n’ Football

Multi-screens in the mini manse, shit dip, moonshine and a brand new throne made this weekend divine.

Revenge of the shit dip.

Revenge of the shit dip.

After what felt like a year-long week, Saturday morning came a little too early after a little bit of boozing on Friday night.

Looking how I feel...

Looking how I feel. And yes, I’m the jackass who wears sunglasses in the supermarket.

I also got my ass handed to me by Princess B – you know, my fact checker for this blog.

Looking like a beast.

Not sure she likes what she’s reading.

She couldn’t stop herself from giving editorial notes while admiring herself on the small screen.

But wait, here's what it should have looked like.

But wait, here’s what it should have looked like.

After enduring the creative notes from my niece, I hustled to get ready for the weekly tailgate my folks and I have each Saturday.

All dressed up with no game to watch...

Little did we know this was a spread in search of a game.

Our tasty treats also included my gal pal Katie B’s infamous shit dip. It consists of corn, cream cheese and butter. And it tastes like heaven in your mouth.

And requires a side of toilet paper.

Trust me.

Click here for the recipe

You're seriously going to need this.

You’re seriously going to need this.

Anyone else have Comcast as their cable provider? Anyone else want to tell Comcast to suck shit?

On Saturday morning, TV the guide listed either my Iowa Hawkeye game or the Penn State game was going to air.

I checked online for the TV listings. No luck.

I called and talked to three different Comcast departments for over an hour with three of the same answers…

“We’re sorry, we can’t tell you what will air.”

How in the hell can the cable provider not know what they’re going to show? How? HOW?

Sure enough, kick-off time rolled around and the Penn State game appeared on TV in the Nashville area. So we turned my mini manse into a multi-screened viewing area with the help of my lap top and live streaming.

Just like a sports bar. Multi-screen

Just like a sports bar. Only less classy.

During the TV shenanigans, New Cat became a man whore.

Man whore

Mauling Gpa.

Gma

Mauling Gma.

I feed you. I

Mauling Mama.

Not one to miss out on any action, Teddy gave his own version of a lap dance.

Ass to the face.

An ass to Gma’s face felt appropriate.

Although we had to squint to watch our game, touchdowns still required our family tradition of moonshine shots.

Moonshine time!

TD Baby!

The halftime show consisted of a pussy trying to commit suicide, another unable to feign any emotion for the suicidal cat and a grandpa oblivious to either scene taking place around him.

A suicide, an I don't give a shit and a Gpa not paying attention. Halftime show consisted of...

Where’s a marching band when you need one?

During the second half of the game New New got so handsy with Gpa that he didn’t want to share, giving anyone that came close a death stare.

Third quarter snuggle.

Back off or I’ll bite.

I spent the rest of the third in the bathroom due to my copious amounts of my fave dip.

Shit happens.

Shit happens.

It was a good thing I’d eaten my weight in corn, as two touchdown and a victory shot waited for me in the fourth quarter.

A few more of these....

Popcorn Sutton White Whiskey for everyone!

Which made the rest of the afternoon feel like…

Moonshine Mania

Moonshine mania makes the world spin.

And copious amount of moonshine may or may not be why my masterpiece of a pizza turned out like this for supper…

Don't drink and cook.

Don’t drink and cook.

I ate it anyway. Surprise!

But not surprisingly, I ate it anyway.

Sunday found me admiring my Miami Mini Me’s newest hair accessory.

Miami Mini Me and her fabulous hair bow.

Yes she’s fabulous. And yes, I’m borrowing that bow!

And what could be more ah-mah-zing than being gifted my very own throne on a lazy afternoon?

Nothing.

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

Waving from my throne.

A classy chair for a trashtacular lady.

While I was careful to use only my wrist to wave so as not to jiggle my arm fat, this one sprawled out on his throne with a jiggly belly proudly exposed.

You want me to wave a paw at you or something?

You want me to wave a paw at you or something? Fuck off.

From our thrones to yours, here’s hoping your week is off to a fabulous start!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Pigskin Sushi

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

There’s nothing my family does better than snack and celebrate, so with the college football season kick-off this weekend, we already have our game faces on with what appetizers to draft for our game day spread. And there’s no fumbling when it comes to making one of our finest treats, Pigskin Sushi.

Cheers to football season finally being here!

A big moonshine cheers to football season finally being here!

This non-threatening Midwestern version of sushi is a crowd pleasing hit at any tailgate whether you’re cheering for your fave college team….

On Iowa!

Yes, the Big Ten is a conference in college football.

…or you’re trying to impress fellow NFL fans.

Titan Up!

And yes, the Tennessee Titans still have fans even after dismal seasons.

This is my trashy version of sushi that requires three ingredients, five minutes of prep and dirties no dishes (perfect for kitchen lovers like me).

Ingredients:

Ingredients

Baby dill pickles, one block of cream cheese and thick-sliced, cooked ham. Total cost – $7.00.

Remove one piece of the cooked ham and place on a paper towel.

Spread room temperature cream cheese over the ham.

Rollin'

Place dill pickle at one end of the ham and roll up.

Slice

Slice the pickle-in-a-blanket to your desired size.

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

And voila! White trash sushi.

This low carb, gluten-free delicatessen will stand out among the typical tailgating treats.

hit it

A bright beacon of shining food among traditional football snacks.

And not only is Pigskin Sushi cheap and easy (no I’m not referring to myself), it washes down with any cocktail you choose on game day.

Skinny Pirates for the Hawkeye.

Skinny Pirates for this Hawkeye.

In my book, that’s a touchdown!

CBXB

CBXB!

Pigskin Style Sushi

Are you a lazy cook (like yours truly) who can barely get off your ass to pour yourself a bowl of cereal? When invited to a party, do you always offer to bring chips, a carton of dip and a veggie platter because no cooking is involved?

Allow me to introduce you to Pigskin Sushi (at least that’s what my fam calls it, as we make it for almost every tailgate we attend). What’s not to love about an affordable, three ingredient, five-minute, dirty-no-dishes delicatessen that even you can whip together and party goers will devour?

Pigskin sushi

This non-conventional sushi is always a crowd pleaser.

You will need:

Dill pickles, one block of cream cheese and thick-sliced, cooked ham.Β  Total cost – $7.00.

Directions:

Place a paper towel under the slice of ham (this will absorb some of the moisture due to packaging) and spread cream cheese over it.

You can use light and/or whipped cream cheese, just be sure it’s at room temperature for easy spreading.

Next roll a pickle up in the cheesy slice of ham.

Baby dill pickles work best in the simple recipe.

Then cut the pickle-in-a-blanket to your desired size.

Once you’ve sliced, you’re done. Seriously.

Place on a platter and watch folks curiously gander at the pickles on a plate for a minute (seriously, people will act like they may be above a pickle wrapped in cream cheese and ham but once they have one, it’s game over).

A plateful of Pigskin Sushi won’t last long.

This snack was such a hit at the last tailgate, we made another batch of the low carb, gluten-free delicatessen for the second half of the game and still had no left overs.

Touchdown!

CBXB

CBXB!