Weekend Winks – Thrones ‘n’ Football

Multi-screens in the mini manse, shit dip, moonshine and a brand new throne made this weekend divine.

Revenge of the shit dip.

Revenge of the shit dip.

After what felt like a year-long week, Saturday morning came a little too early after a little bit of boozing on Friday night.

Looking how I feel...

Looking how I feel. And yes, I’m the jackass who wears sunglasses in the supermarket.

I also got my ass handed to me by Princess B – you know, my fact checker for this blog.

Looking like a beast.

Not sure she likes what she’s reading.

She couldn’t stop herself from giving editorial notes while admiring herself on the small screen.

But wait, here's what it should have looked like.

But wait, here’s what it should have looked like.

After enduring the creative notes from my niece, I hustled to get ready for the weekly tailgate my folks and I have each Saturday.

All dressed up with no game to watch...

Little did we know this was a spread in search of a game.

Our tasty treats also included my gal pal Katie B’s infamous shit dip. It consists of corn, cream cheese and butter. And it tastes like heaven in your mouth.

And requires a side of toilet paper.

Trust me.

Click here for the recipe

You're seriously going to need this.

You’re seriously going to need this.

Anyone else have Comcast as their cable provider? Anyone else want to tell Comcast to suck shit?

On Saturday morning, TV the guide listed either my Iowa Hawkeye game or the Penn State game was going to air.

I checked online for the TV listings. No luck.

I called and talked to three different Comcast departments for over an hour with three of the same answers…

“We’re sorry, we can’t tell you what will air.”

How in the hell can the cable provider not know what they’re going to show? How? HOW?

Sure enough, kick-off time rolled around and the Penn State game appeared on TV in the Nashville area. So we turned my mini manse into a multi-screened viewing area with the help of my lap top and live streaming.

Just like a sports bar. Multi-screen

Just like a sports bar. Only less classy.

During the TV shenanigans, New Cat became a man whore.

Man whore

Mauling Gpa.

Gma

Mauling Gma.

I feed you. I

Mauling Mama.

Not one to miss out on any action, Teddy gave his own version of a lap dance.

Ass to the face.

An ass to Gma’s face felt appropriate.

Although we had to squint to watch our game, touchdowns still required our family tradition of moonshine shots.

Moonshine time!

TD Baby!

The halftime show consisted of a pussy trying to commit suicide, another unable to feign any emotion for the suicidal cat and a grandpa oblivious to either scene taking place around him.

A suicide, an I don't give a shit and a Gpa not paying attention. Halftime show consisted of...

Where’s a marching band when you need one?

During the second half of the game New New got so handsy with Gpa that he didn’t want to share, giving anyone that came close a death stare.

Third quarter snuggle.

Back off or I’ll bite.

I spent the rest of the third in the bathroom due to my copious amounts of my fave dip.

Shit happens.

Shit happens.

It was a good thing I’d eaten my weight in corn, as two touchdown and a victory shot waited for me in the fourth quarter.

A few more of these....

Popcorn Sutton White Whiskey for everyone!

Which made the rest of the afternoon feel like…

Moonshine Mania

Moonshine mania makes the world spin.

And copious amount of moonshine may or may not be why my masterpiece of a pizza turned out like this for supper…

Don't drink and cook.

Don’t drink and cook.

I ate it anyway. Surprise!

But not surprisingly, I ate it anyway.

Sunday found me admiring my Miami Mini Me’s newest hair accessory.

Miami Mini Me and her fabulous hair bow.

Yes she’s fabulous. And yes, I’m borrowing that bow!

And what could be more ah-mah-zing than being gifted my very own throne on a lazy afternoon?

Nothing.

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

Waving from my throne.

A classy chair for a trashtacular lady.

While I was careful to use only my wrist to wave so as not to jiggle my arm fat, this one sprawled out on his throne with a jiggly belly proudly exposed.

You want me to wave a paw at you or something?

You want me to wave a paw at you or something? Fuck off.

From our thrones to yours, here’s hoping your week is off to a fabulous start!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Spectacular Shit Dip

Don’t let the name fool you. This dip is divine.

I’m prone to easy, simple, don’t dirty-too-many-dishes recipes (plus I don’t have a love deep in my heart for cooking – wish I felt the same about eating).  With tailgating season here and holiday party time right around the corner, I’m revisiting one of my favorite, effortless, wallet friendly, minimal ingredient snack foods (thanks for the reminder, Podunk!).

Then you cross your fingers that guests bring fabulous treats to go along with the fabulous dishes you've laid out. Last Saturday, we had my blog famous Shit Dip, mexican dip, a cheese ball and my dad's 'best batch of ribs ever' (direct quote from him).

A little shit dip goes a long way.

This recipe comes from my gal pal Katie B. She didn’t give this tasty dip its moniker…I did, the day after I practically ate an entire bowl of it single-handedly at a party which in turn, left me feeling very cleansed the next day.

My favorite part about this dip (aside from being so tasty) is you can make it via the microwave.

Here are the whopping four ingredients you’ll need:

1 stick butter

1 block cream cheese

2 cans white shoe peg corn (it’s basically sweet corn – I had to Google it since I’m a regular Betty Crocker and all)

10 chopped jalapeno rings (more or less depending on your preference)

Tortilla chips

Ingredients for the cleansing dip all purchased at Target (where else?) for a grand total of $4.06. Add the $2 for a bag of cheap tortilla chips and you’re set for $6. My kind of treat!

Directions:

In a microwave safe bowl (and one big enough to eventually hold two cans of corn) melt the stick of butter, then add the block of cream cheese. Nuke for about a minute or so and then add the 2 cans of corn (if you add the corn too early, it gets chewy). Add the jalapenos, heat to desired temperature and serve immediately.

That’s it!

This dip will have your bathroom bumpin’.

Go ahead and wow ‘em with shit dip at your next tailgate – just remember to be prepared with an overabundance of toilet paper.

CBXB

CBXB!