Weekend Winks – Lights, Santa, Action!

The most wonderful time of the year…has been really fucking hard for me to get into the past few seasons. So in an attempt to kick-start my holiday merriment, I went to see the lights at Nashville’s Opryland Hotel on Friday. Every year, they decorate their botanical gardens with millions (or maybe thousands) of lights throughout the property.

Light show captured by @steve_zeinner.

This trip used to be tradition but I just haven’t been in the mood the last three years, so I forced the fucking spirit – even if it almost killed me. Which it did because if you take a look at the doors to your right in the photo, the platform I had to jump up to was well beyond my physical skill set. But goddamnit I got up there.

It only took 8.9 minutes for me to jump onto this platform.

The lights and music did help (along with a few martinis) rally me into the festive spirit.

While I was creating holiday mojo, my Iowa twins were gearing up to ride the Polar Express to see Santa.

Cuteness overload.

Not excited.

At all.

When they finally got to the man in red, Princess B tried putting the moves on him by holding his hand (as I’ve said before I couldn’t have birthed her better myself).

Nothing but love.

While the twins were living it up on the pseudo North Pole, I was taking the newest addition of the mini manse to the vet. For…ultra attractive, not at all disgusting worm treatment.

I had one pissed off pussy on my hands but Fabio took his butt treatment like a champ – and then we also discovered he had ear mites. Poor dude. All is well now and none of the other members of my pussy gang have contracted either squirmy, wormy ailments, thankfully.

Last week when I had family in town, a cactus that was cut from my Grandpa’s (who passed over ten years ago) was delivered to me (thank you S.S.). However, being that I have no green thumbs (pink only for me of course), it’s already turning a bit brown. How do I save it? I’ve seriously had this thing for maybe 12 days and I’m already murdering it. Anyone?

Cactus SOS.

While the spirit of any holiday has been hard to jump into, life in general has been a fucking challenge of late. And, again with friends and supporters like you, it’s all but heart exploding when I get reminders like this from you guys. These reminders always come at the perfect time.

Reminder well received Allidme.

Not sure if you guys remember but I am a huge Iowa Hawkeye football fan. A little earlier this year our mediocre team beat the shit out of a nationally ranked number five team THE Ohio State University Buckeyes whom I loathe (although, this team is the reason Dada CBXB and I started the Touchdown Shot tradition) with a score of 55-24.

And we don’t hate it.

Even though Ohio State went to win the Big Ten Conference championship on Saturday night, they were snubbed hard when the top four selections of teams came out on Sunday, being eeked out by Alabama, thanks in part to the Iowa ass kicking.

You’re welcome Bama fans.

Sorry not sorry for the cockblock of THE Ohio State University.

While running errands to put some holiday touches in the mini manse, I couldn’t believe my alcoholic eyes when I saw Target actually sold corks for decor.

I have about 429 corks around my mini if anyone wants to buy them.

Princess B acquired a cold after all of the Santa excitement. Luckily for everyone involved at her castle, she had her own remedy plan put in place.

I uncorked a bottle of vino (which brings my total to 430) and hopped in the bubbles for a long winter’s bath (even though it’s 70 degrees in Nashville).

Turns out that was an ideal move by yours truly as I sat in over an hour of traffic on a route to work that usually takes me 15 minutes.

Good thing I found this gem shopping yesterday to help with my Monday woes.

Dreams do come true.

All in all, the weekend got me festive enough to slowly start embracing the Christmas cheer.

Ready to get this holidaze shit show started.

Cheers!

CBXB

Leopard Lovin’ Pot

**Update: It is now 2018 and I still have this decorative flower pot. AND I keep it outside year round in Tennessee.**

I don’t really care for the plain and usual if it can be funky and fabulous.

And after my couch mending (see My Cat is Bitchier Than Your Cat), I thought of another way to use the leopard duct tape (it’s not just for couch corners and eye glasses anymore, folks!) for sprucing up my flowerpots.  I always want the pretty, colored planters but hate parting with the loot (happy hours aren’t always cheap when you drink a fine liquor like Captain Morgan – well specials just won’t cut it), so I usually stick with the boring old plastic containers. And then, a stroke of genius appeared with the little miracle of duct tape (once again, Dad’s right. It really can be used for everything).

Here’s what you’ll need:

Get your favorite duct tape (I’d do anything but the silver. Then it really looks like you’ve broken the pot and are taping it back together. You’re classier than that!), scissors and packing tape.

Cut the duct tape into strips – I did about 4″-5″ per piece. If you do anything longer, the tape will start to bend up and the lines won’t be as straight (I’m a picky perfectionist – if it doesn’t bother you, don’t worry about it).

Once you have covered the entire pot with the decorative duct tape, use the clear packing tape over the entire area (same size of strips). This will help the duct tape from peeling and acts as a water barrier if you keep your plant outside (it’s rained for days since my pot received its makeover and all tape is still in tact).

I’ve never seen a fern quite so happy to be confined to a flowerpot, have you?

And that my fabulous friends is how to turn a boring old brown flowerpot into some fine lookin’ flower power. Get to it!

CBXB

 

The One Year Patio Project

It’s true. My patio took one year to complete.

Not because I live on sprawling acres with a mansion’s worth of outdoor space to spruce up. But because I was waiting on a man (when will I learn my lesson?) to help me complete it.

When I first moved into my place, the landlord had set trash cans on a perfectly fabulous stone nook by my entryway.  I really didn’t want garbage to be the first impression left upon folks when pulling into my mini-manse.  I moved the trash to the side of my house and a small patio set took its place. Being greedy, I wanted to expand my patio real estate to give a very impressive impression to my friends who always come over (so what if they are usually the mail carrier, UPS or the water meter reader?! Don’t judge me. My friends are very busy procreating).

Upon hearing me whine for more patio space, my dad suggested purchasing square stone and if I did, he would level and install (and some other fancy handy man vocab) them for me. My mom bought the additional stone for me as a house warming gift and we unloaded them and there they sat…and sat…and sat. Because it was too hot outside, the ground was too wet, the ground was frozen, or it was too cold to tolerate to work on the patio, etc…the stones sat all by their lonesome. Until this past summer when the stars were aligned perfectly in the sky and my dad came in to finish the hard work he suggested starting.

The stones getting settled into their new home. Red, brickface patio stone, $4.07. Lowe’s.

But with all of the digging and leveling, the area looked like a place Joe Dirt would be proud to call his own.  Anticipating the whine calf I was about to become, my dad (who is apparently psychic) suggested we invest in some decorative rock.

We found this rock on sale the Home Depot for $1.00 a bag. And promptly bought all of the bags because now, I could have a rock empire since it was something I could afford to purchase.

Upon saving so much loot in the clearance rock, Dad thought he should plant some hostas to add as the cherries on top of my sprawling patio kingdom.

And of course a few hostas were not going to do the trick for this Queen of the Rock Pile, so I commissioned the planting of more! more! more! crowned jewels.

With the addition of six more hostas, my perfect patio plans were executed (by my dad, as I directed placement and kept cool with a cocktail).

The Patio Palace in all of its glory!

And when I think about the nearly 365 day construction phase of this patio, I must thank the project manager, Dad, for making me realize that good things do come to those who wait. And wait. And wait. And wait (sometimes not so patiently). Now I have a patio, complete with a side wing for a fire pit, hostas for atmosphere and plenty of room to rub elbows. All for under $60.

The beauty and the brains (you can decide who’s who) of patio perfecting.

CBXB