Reason for My Season

As a kid there wasn’t anything worse than the last hour of Christmas because I would sit and think that I had to wait another 364 days for the fucking fun to come around again.

Just your typical family Christmas chaos.

Santa would not only eat the milk and cookies, he even tracked in ashes from the fireplace when he came down our chimney. The man in red also responded to the letters we’d leave him and when we asked for him to give us a kiss while we slept (totally not creepy asking an essential robber breaking into your house through the chimney to also age inappropriately kiss but whatever), we’d wake up to jingle bells by our beds for proof.

Kiss the Girls

There was also never short a short supply of cousins to share in our Christmas spirit.

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These family gatherings and traditions have waned over the years, as everyone but me  grew up, flew the coop and started procreating their own spawn and time gets prioritized differently. I do miss our large family get togethers but with everyone peppered across the states, it’s difficult.

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However, that has never deterred the Christmas in my heart all year-long type of person you want to punch in the face.

Christmas cheer overdrive…always.

My mini manse never not looked like I was singlehandedly going to host Mr. and Mrs. Claus for the season (naturally I was always hoping that would happen and I could adopt a reindeer and an elf – and yes, I’m being fucking serious).

Serious outside decor.

Not until, that is, Rapegate occurred. It is insane that something that happens in an instant can alter your world so hard that you don’t even recognize yourself. Getting out of the bed was feat enough, how the fuck was I ever gonna be able to muster the energy to pretend I felt joy about celebrating anything when my world was now nothing but gray?

The past two Christmases I’ve twinned with Alice Cooper.

However, with therapy and through my evolving recovery, my holiday merriment is back. It doesn’t feel like a mask I have to put on, making sure those around me don’t feel burdened by me or worry about my state of mind. And oh boy, is it ever the fuck back on in full force.

The past three years, dealing with PTSD, chronic fatigue, severe stress and depression, life continued on which it always fucking does and should. That doesn’t make shitty situations any easier, and some that I’ve loved deeply, have passed on to party in the sky since I last celebrated Christmas in 2015. And, they were all a part of my Christmases, be it from childhood, adulthood or being my fur baby forced into Christmas costumes for a photo every year.

Those that I have lost all loved celebrating the season (whether forced by moi or not).  And this tinybuddha.com quote really resonated with me when I read it.

I celebrate for Ted.

I celebrate for Aunt Crazy Pants and Gma.

I celebrate for my sweet Precious.

I celebrate for Big Al.

Celebrating for those who have passed before is melancholic at times. But I also have 400 million other reasons to celebrate – including you reading this post currently.

So, I’m throwing my sequined antlers on and running the goddamn hap-hap-hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny fucking Kaye.

I’m baaaaaaaaaaack.

Blitzen – for all kinds of reasons.

Starting with the celebration tree I’ve had up all year, it’s now adorned with all things Christmasy.

The mini manse….has been in transition from ultra gaudy to ultra ultra ultra gaudy. I have no less than 16 bins brimming with Christmas cheer that I haven’t touched since 2015. So it’s basically been like a supermarket sweep only with tinsel and all things sparkly.

Work in progress.

This is the first year that The Pussy Posse has witnessed the madness of the holiday season with me.

Exact replica of my four pussies reactions to all decor.

So if you’re wondering what I’ll be up to the rest of December between holiday parties and merriment, I’ll be decorating until the new year.

Very busy with my tinsel pillow.

Please feel free to stop by and receive a festive as fuck guided tour. It will only cost you a bottle of Captain, box of wine or bag of cat food. Seems reasonable, right?

Go get your festive on. NOW.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Griswold Family Style Fourth of July

Driving a boat at Lake of the Ozarks…

Party Chick

…is a party girl from Tennessee.

Party Girl

As cousins gather every Fourth…

Cousins

…to be with family

The Griswolds

From Jell-O shots…

Jell-O

…with whipped cream.

Whipped Cream

Constant fights over the mic…

Mic Fight

to sing karaoke.

Karoake King

Trivial Pursuit winners, always reign supreme!

Winners!

From new tattoos…

Tattoo

…to pool dunks…

Dunk

…with drunken dancers around a hunk.

Hunk

Our favorite toy is the aqua bar…

Aqua Bar

…that prevents us from floating too far.

Floater

 I’m proud to be from my family!

Family

Where at least I can be me.

Beerpoo

And they never, ever let me forget

Just how handy my booty can be.

Handy

Cousins blowing their muscles up…

Blow Hards

…next to me

Muscles

so I won’t cry and feel left out.

Cry Baby

There ain’t no doubt I love my clan –

Clan

Thank God for my family!

Fam

Here’s hoping your version of the Griswolds has a safe and booze filled 4th.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Merry Moments

Anyone else love the holiday season?

I hate celebrating.

I hate celebrating.

We packed up the Nashville sleigh and headed to see the Iowa twins for their third visit from Santa.

Twice the fun!

Twice the fun!

Precious the chug came as my mascot and was voted most popular over the Christmas weekend.

Precious the chug.

Presh had no clue what she was in for all weekend.

She was squeezed, kissed, loved and given the new name Pweshy by the twins.

Lots of lovin' for Pweshy.

Princess B and Princess P.

When the chug was napping, Auntie CBXB’s makeup bag was quite the exciting place to play.

Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl.

Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl.

Both twins obviously have a future in the beauty industry as I demonstrated their mad application skills.

Easy, breezy, trashy, c

Ready for date night.

After scrubbing my face for what felt like a solid eight hours, we moved on to matching manicures.

Mani Time

I’m being told EXACTLY how to apply the polish.

And then…it was Christmas eve Griswold family style.

CHRISTMAS DAY!

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

Speaking of the Griswolds, Dada CBXB has been watching my adopted feline twins Clark and Cousin Eddie since my main squeeze Ted E. Bear has been adjusting to life with inflammatory bowel disease and pancreatitis (both treatable in cats!). Since he’s had them the past few months, Dad’s fallen in love and we made it official as I pretended to be the Griswold character Aunt Bethany and wrapped up my damn cats, gifting them to the big guy.

Dada officially got the twins, Clark and Cousin Eddie.

Dada and his Griswold twins.

Santa delivered all kinds of festive fun but I decided to dress up as his sparkly girlfriend for the shits and giggles of merriment.

We need some Christmas spirit. Obviously.

We need some Christmas spirit.
Obviously.

The biggest gift under the tree helped someone think they were hot shit taking their new power wheel out for a spin.

Hating life.

Not hating life.

I was also not hating life as I bonded with my new dogphew, Spike. He is a six month old golden doodle who is already the size of a small polar bear and makes the best cuddle partner.

Mauling

Maul me please.

In not so merry news, I recently lost my job so it was only fitting that my favorite gift was a coffee mug with a well known slogan from the movie Bridesmaids that has become my personal motto.

My Transition from a 9-5 Office Job to the Health & Fitness Industry ...

Help me, I'm poor.

Striking resemblance, no?

But I’ve still got my sparkle with the help of my mini me.

Princess, Precious and Poor.

Princess, Precious and Poor.

Here’s hoping your holiday weekend was filled with lots of jingling bells and cocktails!

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

They Call Me Captain

It’s funny how a nickname can commence.

CBXB as Captain.

The Captain.

I’m sure my parent’s hearts burst with pride knowing that I’ve obtained a substitute moniker that refers to my favorite rum, Captain Morgan.

Possible love of my life.

The spicy love of my life – other than Ted, of course.

I’m not sure the exact moment I fell head over heels for Captain but when the mix of this piquant rum and Diet Coke crossed my lips for the first time, the love of a Skinny Pirate was born and I’ve had one in hand almost ever since.

Double down

Documenting my liquid affection.

You see, Skinny Pirates are just the perfect accompaniment to any life situation…

Sneaky sneak.

Sneaky sneak time movie fun.

Keeping me cool in the pool

Keeping me cool in the sun.

Go Hawks

Cheering me through Iowa Hawkeyes game days like it’s my religion.

Holiday tradition

Creating Griswold family style traditions.

Keep you cool

Quenching my thirst after work outs.

Puts the ho in my down at country shows

Putting the ho in my down at country shows.

Fancy Captain

Following me from fancy places…

fancy place to low class spaces

…. to low class spaces.

Double fist, so don't leave out

Even when I try to cheat, Captain just can’t be beat.

Easily swallowed through a sippy cup.

Easily swallowed through a sippy cup.

Holiday helper

Skinny Pirates also help loosen the holidays up.

No hands

No hands needed to drink this libation.

Captain helps me sparkle

And my Captain keeps me sparkling on every occassion.

Good time Captain

There when I celebrate small life successes.

Mani

An inspiration for making Mani Mondays a bit excessive.

Selfie helper

Always keeping me company at the bar.

So what if my dream boat is a fake pirate?

So what if my main squeeze comes from a glass jar?

As you can see, my favorite libation is never far from my reach and Captain is suitable in addressing me.

The Captain

In fashion with Captain.

As my favorite pirate says, “To live, love and loot!”

You’d better cheers with me or this Captain will give you the boot.
CBXB

CBXB!

 

A Griswold Family Mani

Does anyone not watch the classic movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation over the holiday season?

If you don’t, stop what you’re doing and go watch it. Now.

Because I’m trying to adorn my body like a Christmas tree this season, I festively painted my nails while watching my all-time favorite movie. Trio

After a base coast, I applied two coats of Lancome’s Code Red and let it dry a few minutes.

Using Sally Hansen Hard As Nails Xtreme Wear in White On, I painted on thick strip across the top of my nails.

Following a ten minute dry down (it’s imperative you let the white dry, or it will bleed into the next step – trust me. I’m speaking from impatient experience).

One thin swipe of Salon Perfect in Silver Plated completes the look between the red and white hues.

Finish with Seche Vite Dry Fast top coat and you are all set.

Happy manicuring and cheers to the Griswolds!

CBXB