Meowloweens from Halloweens Past

If you think stuffing pets in costumes is ridiculous, you’re gonna wanna divert your eyes.

The fur ball love of my life, Ted E. Bear has been gone for two years now. I couldn’t love any of my Pussy Posse more if I birthed them myself (and yes, I mean that with all of my fucking heart) but Teddy…Tedstar was THE ultimate love of my life. I would give almost anything to have him back with me although I know he’s mauling my Gma, Aunt Crazy Pants, Precious, New Cat and Nicodeamus up above not patiently awaitng my arrival.

When Mr. Bear and I first became connected, he had such a nervous disposition, it took almost two years of work to let me hold him (talk about being careful what you wish for). Once that happened, he was my shadow and I didn’t hate it. So when the art of dressing pets entered my mind, I had some ideas.

His looks could kill. So maybe a bodyguard costume was in order?

The stare that gazed through souls.

Ted always liked to be in control (obvies my baby), so when we’d road trip, he insisted on being in the driver’s seat. So maybe a truck driver costume?

Jesus Teddy take the wheel.

Dental hygiene isn’t something that pussies are fond of but then again, TB was no average feline. And being that we shared everything, he always used my toothbrush. So maybe a dentist costume?

Pearly whites.


Then there was the time I considered how much time I was spending watching my fave TV show, Forensic Files, as Ted mimicked a crime scene. He did this by jumping off the porch into a neighboring bush, leaving an outline of his body and himself ferociously confined to the bottom branches. The removal process should have been filmed for Forensic Files, as you can imagine how calm and tranquil and non dramatic a stuck cat can be.

Maybe a kitty CSI agent costume?

I slowly started introducing props to our costuming atmosphere. I began with a simple cowboy hat, as we lived in Nashville, the home of country music. He really loved it. So much so, he had the hat on for .000000000002 seconds.


After the western attire was a success, why not take it even more south of the border with a sombrero and poncho?

Mad hombre.

Since he obvies loved gussying up, I went out on a limb one Halloween and turned him into a member of the Apidae family, a bee.

Not so honey lickin’ good.

I had so much past success, the following year, I decided to not only gussy Ted up but join in on the fun with him. Why couldn’t I do a couple’s costume with my cat? That’s not weird. At all.

We went as Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke. This was after Miley casually dry humped Robin in front of the world on live television at the MTV Music Awards earlier that year.

No gyrating here.

While it may look like I easily capture award winning selfies, about 8,325,910 photos were taken (I had to take resting breaks for my arm) in order to get the money shot.

Blurred lines.

Tongue lashing.

If Ted could wear sunglasses, he could certainly don a wig, right? The following Halloween, he was the Princess Leia to my Darth Vader.

Ted, I am your mother.

It was super easy getting him into wardrobe.

He don’t want none unless he gets his buns, Hon.

While we didn’t know it was our last time for dress up together, our Batman theme was our best Halloween ever.


We’d taken in a sidekick, a cat I found at the dumpster (now that I think about it, I find a lot of fucking things at my dumpster…) and refused to give a name because I didn’t want to keep him even though we all know what happened. He stayed. And kept the name New Cat.

Poor New New had all kinds of anxiety and instead of audibly sighing so loudly the neighbors could hear like Bear, he preferred to hiss and bat his declawed paws at me (people who declaw animals and then dump them have a special place in hell) in defense of looking like a dressed up asshole.

A forced Robin.

Batman, Catwoman and Robin together furever about a split second.

Wishing they had superhero powers to use on their super whack job mama.

Robin’s revolt.

Upon New Cat’s divaesque behavior, Bear and I cuddled up only as a not-awkward-at-all mother and son duo could for our Halloween photo.

Purrfect pair.

I can almost hear the heavy sighs from Ted above right now. Only this time instead of being from forced costume insertion, they’re signs of relief. He was always such a little bitch.

Happy Meowloween!



Little House of Horrors

I am a decorating fanatic. Like, I want to get my Halloween decorations out on August 1st enthusiast. I’ve had larger living spaces in the past, complete with mantles, stairways and built-in bookshelves.  Now that I have down-sized, I can’t cram all of my holiday decor into 700 square feet (well, I could but you’d be calling Hoarders).

Happy HallowThanksmas! Stocking up on Halloween craft essentials while perusing the Christmas trees at Home Depot. Heaven!

I’ve become a little more creative (hence the spray paint above) in spooking up my minimal space. Here’s a glimpse at my attempts to transform my place into a miniature house of horrors…

I stuff crazy ex-boyfriends in the freezer with a little help from Hallmark.

I have a freezer and I’m not afraid to use it.

Moveable Decorations, $5.00.

I  continuously switch out seasonal candles on my entertainment center.

This is candle stays put all year round, of course. A gift from The Label.

A flameless ferocious feline (Ted’s favorite decoration). Battery powered candle, TJ Maxx, $3.99.

Having a small space doesn’t mean you can’t decorate with big pieces (at least for me it doesn’t. Especially when they involve glitter. Then my motto becomes the bigger the better…).


Letters, $20 for the set, Hallmark.

A square-cut hurricane candle holder sits on my coffee table that I update with holiday decor.

Tri-colored skulls. $9.99, TJ Maxx.

If only the orange skulls were pink…I could leave out all year!

I invested in this green glitter (do you sense a theme here?) tree that I can use for multiple holidays (can’t wait to add pink decor to it for Christmas!).

Green glitter tree, Hallmark.

I use wine charms as Halloween ‘ornaments.’

Switching out an existing picture frame with holiday decor is easy (as long as you have somewhere to stash the usual pic…which is almost always under my bed).

Swapped this glitter witch piece out with everyday crown decor in my bathroom. This was gifted to me by my sister but I think she most likely scored it at TJ Maxx.

Helpful Halloween to-do tips (in case you forgot) replaces regular kitchen decor.

A cheap, easy way to spruce up for the holiday season. Hand towels, Target.

Candles are always a must for me (I mean, I do have a cat – don’t they go hand in hand?) and this haunted house holder makes my vanity trio complete.

Wicked frame, Hallmark. Candle holder, Bath & Body Works. Skull and crossbones jewelry plate, gift.

Now you know how I sneak some of holiday decor into my mini-manse and I’m sure you think it’s fabulous, right? If you don’t, I’ll be happy to show you my freezer…