Perfect Partners in Pumpkin Crime

Growing up (and still today for yours truly), Halloween was the kick-off to a long-awaited holiday season.

I'll cut a bitch

Even at the tender age of 3, I’d cut a bitch.

With an assist from my dad.

Letting Dad do all of the carving work because even way back when my nails were “jewels, not tools”.  And how ’bout the back of the pumpkin matching our beautiful carpet?

In small Iowa town where I grew up, we had costume parties at school and church (when you used to be able to call it a Halloween party complete with witches and bats, instead of a bland Fall Festival with scarecrows and hay bales – why were party poopers invented? Why?), parades to prance proudly down our eight block Main Street (where every single one of the 1,200 citizens seemed to show up) and so much trick-or-treating mania, I’d have to come home halfway through the evening just to dump my candy (hiding it all from my dad in the dryer or it’d be gone by morning) because my pumpkin got so overloaded, it was too heavy for me to carry.

hall

What better way to celebrate Halloween than to dress up as Cookie Monster and pedal your best lookin’ stuffed animals on a parade through town? Forget my adorableness for one second – what about the clown behind #165?

ped

Spectator sport for the entire town (there’s still time for you to go this year). And let’s discuss my mom’s creativity with the cookie wheels… genius!

But in my younger years, I carried the burden of celebrating Halloween by myself and being a lone Cookie Monster got frustrating.

Ho Hum

Lone monster.

Begging my parents to procreate, I was presented with my sister who was immediately awarded with side kickin’ it as my lifetime partner-in-crime (lucky her). If I was going to be dressing up (oftentimes making an ass out of myself in later years) she was going to be doing it too, by God (town parades included).

In the beginning of our twosome, we were all about cutesy costumes.

Sugar'n' Spice

The rock star and Raggedy Ann. A little sugar for my spice.

And the ‘cute’ theme seemed to carry on in our early years. Except for the tilt in our heads. And the fog in the background…

Creepy Hollow

Cute masked crusaders in Creepy Hollow.

As we got a little older, I wanted a little edge (well as much edge as an elementary kid and toddler could muster) to our giddy ups. I let my young inner badass out, as my sister scared the pants off no one.

very busy

That’s right. I was hardcore even in elementary school. My Fisher Price mobile cassette player really upped my ante of rockstardom.

We slid slightly into the creepy department as my sister joined me in grade school.

Scardey Crow

Scaredy crow and premature mini old man. Almost spine-chilling. Almost.

Then I graduated to truly frightening and fearful territory as I crept toward junior high.  Pebbles looks less than horrified as I try my best scare tactic on her.

Pebs

I’m also starting to wonder if there was any other color of hair paint than green, since that tends to be a trend here.

When we thought we were oh so grown up, our costumes reflected our mature attitudes.

Lady and the Tramp.

Lady and the Tramp. Or Princess and Sock Hop Girl…however you want to look at it.

But we were reminded in following years just how far from adults we were…especially yours truly. A recycled mask and costume from a previous Halloween hid my “I’m way too old for this shit” attitude toward trick-or-treating when I was forced to go with my younger sister.

Barley a Boo

I can’t tell who’s more excited – the monster or the witch.

And being older we’re not so much cute, cuddly or even scary creatures…we’re just mostly cocktailed.

bl

The odd couple. Pocahontas and Kid Rock.

Now that we’re miles apart during the costuming time of year, it’s fun to look back at our sisterly ghosts of Halloween’s past. But what’s even more fun is seeing her twin goblins growing to love the holidays as much as she and I did as kids.

As

Permanent partners-in-crime scary season #1.

I can’t wait to see what the little monsters will be for their second Halloween.

Goblins

Scary season round #2.

As we’re on the eve of Halloween, you should take a look at the old skeletons in your closet.

You aren’t a fraidy cat, are you?

CBXB

CBXB!

Hauntings of Halloweens Past

Growing up (and still today), Halloween was the kick-off to a long-awaited holiday season.

I'll cut a bitch

I’ll cut a bitch – even at the tender age of 3.

With an assist from my dad.

Picking up knifing skills from dear old dad. How about the back of the pumpkin matching our beautiful, multi-colored carpet?

In the small Iowa town where I grew up, we had costume parties at school (when you used to be able to call it a Halloween party complete with witches and bats, instead of a bland Fall Festival with scarecrows and hay bales – why were party poopers invented?), parades to prance proudly down our eight block Main Street (where every single on of the 1,200 citizens seemed to show up) and trick-or-treating mania where I’d have to come home halfway through the evening – and dump my candy hiding it all from my dad in the dryer or it’d be gone by morning) because my pumpkin got so overloaded, it was too heavy for me to carry.

hall

What better way to celebrate Halloween than to dress up as Cookie Monster and pedal your best lookin’ stuffed animals on a parade through town? Forget my adorableness for one second – what about the clown behind #165?

ped

Spectator sport for the entire town (there’s still time for you to go this year). And let’s discuss my mom’s creativity with the cookie wheels… genius!

Carrying the burden of celebrating Halloween by myself, being a lone Cookie Monster got frustrating.

Ho Hum

Lone monster.

Therefore, I begged my parents to procreate so I could have a partner in crime. And lucky for me, I was presented with my sister who was immediately awarded with side kickin’ it as my lifetime partner-in-crime (lucky her). If I was going to be dressing up (oftentimes making an ass out of myself in later years) she was going to be doing it too, by God (town parades included).

In the beginning of our twosome, we were all about cutesy costumes.

Sugar'n' Spice

The rockstar and Raggedy Ann. A little sugar for my spice.

And the ‘cute’ theme seemed to carry on in our early years. Except for the tilt in our heads. And the fog in the background…

Creepy Hollow

Cute masked crusaders in Creepy Hollow.

As we got a little older, I suppose we wanted to be edgy (or as edgy an elementary kid and toddler could be). I let my young inner badass out, as my sister started to scare the pants off no one.

very busy

That’s right. I was a badass even in elementary school. My Fisher Price mobile cassette player really upped my ante of rockstardom.

We kept it in the almost scary department as my sister joined me in grade school.

Scardey Crow

Scaredy crow and premature mini old man. Almost spine-chilling. Almost.

Then I graduated to truly frightening and fearful territory as I crept toward junior high.  Pebbles looks less than horrified as I try my best scare tactic on her.

Pebs

I’m also starting to wonder if there was any other color of hair paint than green, since that tends to be a trend here.

As we thought we were oh so grown up our costumes reflected our mature attitudes.

Lady and the Tramp.

Lady and the Tramp. Or Princess and Sock Hop Girl…however you want to look at it.

Only to remind ourselves in following years just how far from adults we were…especially yours truly. A recycled mask and costume from previous years (where’s the green hair spray? Lose your creative juices and get lazy on us, Mom?!) hid my “I’m way too old for this shit” attitude toward trick-or-treating.

Barley a Boo

I can’t tell who’s more excited – the monster or the witch.

And being older we’re not so much cute, cuddly or even scary creatures…we’re just mostly cocktailed.

bl

The odd couple. Pocahontas and Kid Rock.

Now that we’re miles apart during the costuming time of year, it’s fun to look back at our sisterly ghosts of Halloweens past.  I can’t wait to see what her little monsters will be for their first Halloween.

As

Being twins, little B and B will never have to beg for a partner-in-crime.

You should take a look at the old skeletons in your closet.

You aren’t a fraidy cat, are you?

CBXB

CBXB!

How to Turn Your Dad Into Pamela Anderson

A few Halloweens ago I was dying to dress up as Kid Rock and needed a trashy Pamela Anderson to hang all over me. And because he is no stranger to the spotlight my dad jumped at the chance.

But how in the hell do you transform a 6’4″ man into a petite (OK, not happening), blonde, big busted bombshell?

You start feet first.

Heavy duty gloves for a heavy-duty job.  My dad has a green toenail (because he’s too cheap to buy the prescription to remedy) that I lovingly refer to as Foot Fungus (hence the gloves).  Aunt Nancy is watching over us (and secretly thinking she wouldn’t touch my dad’s foot with a ten foot pole).

Carefully apply polish to the gigantic toes.

Which are then topped off with an orange bow (to make those feet look a teeny tiny bit more feminine).

A base for the famous face must be applied as the transformation continues (the application of foundation “hurt his face,” according to my dad).

Stuffing Pamela into her costume proved the most difficult task of all.

But by God, she ended up looking like a fabulous Baywatch knock-off.

Pam’s famous rack was made by stuffing as much quilt batting as possible into nylons. I dyed a men’s tank top red (because I could not find a women’s XXXL) and applied masking tape on to create the Lifeguard logo.  The shorts I scored in the ladies section at Walmart (go figure).

Now all Pamela needed was her handsome rock star flavor at the time, Kid Rock.

With the complete transformation in place, Pam was (happily) the center of attention.  She tended to overshadow even the most glamorous celebrities at the party.

Where’s Marilyn?

And everyone was completely obsessed with Pam’s chest.

Just to give you an idea…

While this real life odd couple went on to hit the skids, Kid and Pam were able to let bygones be bygones on this particular Halloween.

Is my dad fun or what?

And while this may not be the Pamela Anderson of everyone’s dreams, she’s awfully pretty to me.

Pamela Anderson, the later years.

But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

CBXB

Fancy Fraidy Cat

I get so excited for the holiday season that I’d start decorating in July if I could (actually, I probably could because I live in an area of the world where folks love to keep Christmas lights up year round).

While I have plenty of decor already (and only 700 square feet to spruce up holiday style), I was perusing the aisles of a local store and came across the most needed pumpkin accessory.

How could I live without this?

Turning a pumpkin into a cat was the easiest decorating I’ve completed during Halloween season – all for $10.00.

Cute but oh so ordinary…

Not being a tabby cat owner, the orange color just wasn’t cutting it for me.  It didn’t remind me enough of my Russian Blue mix, Ted.

Enter one can of silver spray paint and…

From boring to bling in 30 seconds flat.

A little more fierce than fraidy, huh?

CBXB