Weekend Winks – Surprises, Six Degrees and Slaying

This shade of black really brings out the color of my soul.

God I love a t-shirt that speaks for me.

Open for fun.

My aunt flew in to surprise my dad for a mini retirement celebration. It was pretty fucking fabulous.

The par-tay train headed downtown to honky tonk on Broadway.

The Bat Building never gets old.

Robert’s Western World never gets old.

Arriving late after gussying up, as soon as my ass hit the bar stool in Robert’s, I got a message from an old school friend asking if I happened to be around. Seeing as Music City has 100 fucking people moving to the city every.single.day (please for the love of god, STOP MOVING HERE. Come visit, spend some cash and get the fuck out) Nashvillians going downtown is about as rare as a man being falsely accused of rape. So like, 99.9% never.

Downtown used to be a fun hang every so often but now, it’s asses to elbows everywhere. So it was Kismet that I happened to be in a bar right across the street from my old buddy, who still resides in Iowa. He was visiting for work and just thought he’d reach out. As kids, our families would camp (yes, I actually camped (ew) before I knew glamping was a thing) and one of our fave activities was going around Wilson’s Lake and collecting pop cans that we’d turn in for a refund at Cheese’s grocery store. Redeeming five cents per can, I thought we were going to be thousandaires as we packed garbage after garbage bag full of aluminum. I think we each ended up with about $50. Still not bad for 10 year olds.

Six degrees of CBXB.

When I went to meet up with his crew, I didn’t know anyone else at the table. But within the 30 minutes I chit chatted, I somehow had a connection to or through or knew someone they knew at the table. My friend came across the street to say hey to Dada CBXB who, prior to his move to Nashville (and retirement), was a teacher and coach of some sort for over 30 years.

Old school.

Naturally we did what all teachers and coaches do when they reunite with former students.

Shots.

I mean, you know I have an ever classy fam.

Blurred lines.

Saturday came early for my Iowa twins, who were frying up a donut storm.

Then they decided to create costumes since the weather was kinda shitty.

If you guessed bats, you’d be right.

Inspired by my mini bakers, my lazy ass decided to get out a new pancake mix I picked up. Mostly because it was gluten free but really because all it takes is 2/3 cup of the mix and 3/4 cup of water.

Betty.Fucking.Crocker.

My Iowa Hawkeyes had a 2:30 kick off, so I sauntered out to Dada CBXB’s and watched my dudes school the Minnesota Golden Gophers. The Hawks won 48-31. You know what that meant….six rounds of our classy Family Tradition.

I’m not good at math but I couldn’t fit six pics into my cute photo collage.

It also meant that the Floyd of Rosedale rivalry trophy will reside another year with my favorite birds.

The pig stays in the Hawkeye State.

After the welcomed distraction of a win, it remained consistently hard to escape the painful thoughts that have been swirling around my noggin for the last three weeks, as America’s attitude toward rape culture continues to shock the ever living hell out of me.

It’s sad. It’s so sad. So much so that I’ve turned to eating my pain away. Which isn’t working for my brain as much as it is my already ample ass.

I’ll have five pounds of wings, please. No, really, we had five pounds of wings. And Shit Dip that was already inhaled when this photo was snapped. And like one celery stick.

We welcomed Sunday by washing Saturday away with margaritas at our fave Mexican joint.

Tasty treats.

Accompanied by what felt like 482 lbs of food after I scarfed my feelings food down.

Another side of salsa, please.

Of course no self care Sunday would be complete without my personal bible, People magazine, and a dip in bubbles.

To those of you weary to the motherfucking bone after the past few weeks, know that it’s OK to feel that way. To those of you who are confused after the past few weeks, know that it’s OK to feel that way. To those of you who feel hopeless after the past few weeks, that’s not OK.

You matter.

The next generation matters.

K. Thanks. Bye.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Puss ‘n’ Boots

Nashville shenanigans this past weekend included patio party fun, pool time and a little boot scootin’ boogie downtown.

Weekend!

It’s the weekend, let’s drink!

Setting the festive mood in celebration of the much anticipated weekend, the patio party lights came on as soon as I walked through my mini manse door Friday evening.

Party time!

Lights, cocktails, action!

But even with the combination of music, spirits and conversation, there was nothing that could keep Teddy’s head up.

Weekend!

Pooped pussy.

I took Mr. Bear’s cue for a low-key evening and rested up because there was some honky tonkin’ to do on Saturday.

Neon

Bright lights in Music City.

Robert’s Western World awaited our rowdy bunch as we tried to strong-arm our way to the front row to see my fave band on Lower Broad – The Don Kelly Band (seriously the best band gaining all kinds of momentum with their 19-year-old guitar player who kicks all kinds of ass. Yes, I want to be his cougar. Meow).

The Don Kelly Band

My cougar cub Daniel Donato, Don Kelly and Joe Fick.

In our entourage, my mom and I had top tiered choices of companions.

Not one...

Not one…

Not two...

Not two…

Date three..

But three hot dates.

Turns out it was a good thing all of my dates already know and love me, because I morphed into a truck driver when it came time to eat a burger basket.

Stuff

Face stuffing at its finest.

Rings off.

Serious burger eating business with all jewelry off.

Eating contest. I won.

Eating off. I won.

While I was busy perusing the bottom of everyone’s baskets for morsels of leftover french fries, my dad acted like he was with the Grand Poobah of Robert’s Western World sitting front and center, as if the band was performing for a party of one.

Him.

Two beers, please. Make them PBRs.

Two beers, please. Make them PBRs and if you don’t have that, Natty Light.

Being that it’s CMA Festival time (formerly known as Fan Fair) the downtown scene was packed with folks arriving for the events starting over the weekend. One of the fans in town for festivities was a sweet red head who told me that she wanted to emulate me – especially my hair.

I want to emulate you. I want your rack.

I’ll trade my hair for her rack.

Another lively duo we ran into were from somewhere overseas with accents so thick I could only understand that they were drunk.

Australian? Scottish? English? Talk Accent to Me.

Australian? Scottish? English? Talk accent to me.

The self-appointed Mayor of Robert’s got crafty with his photo taking skills, using the reverse camera feature to snap pics of himself and my mom.

Only problem was he left out Mom.

Selfie minus mom.

The one and a half shot.

Remember Daniel, the swashbuckling young guitar virtuoso? Well, after The Don Kelly Band’s set, he came over and asked if I was on Instagram (@cowboysandcrossbones) because I look familiar.

*BE STILL MY BEATING HEART*

I told him I do stalk follow him on Instagram and naturally had to capture the moment of recognition with a photo.

Who me?

The cougar and the cub.

On our way to the car, we couldn’t help but notice all of the fashionistas hitting the streets for CMA Week.

Lovely fashion kicking off CMA Week.

Capri jeans with cowboy boots? Yeehaw.

I got a little chummy with Elvis and almost missed my ride home.

Hunka Hunka...

Hunka…Hunka…

Upon our arrival back at my mini manse, my dad decided it would be a good idea to take wapatoolie shots.

What’s in a wapatoolie shot you ask? Anything you damn well please mixed altogether for the drinking pleasure of an unassuming shot taker.

Wapatoolie time!

My Wapatoolie ingredients!

Concocting....

A witch with her brew…

All cheers

…serving her finest to an unsuspecting crew…

Rest of the night blurry.

…and the rest of their night was blurry.

Smart girls like me stick to their Skinny Pirates so we can be unhungover and lay by the pool to waste Sunday away.

Got it done at the pool.

Got it done at the pool.

The love affair of Ted and New Cat continues – they’ve even taken their licking sessions to the front window for all of the neighbor’s viewing pleasure.

Head lock lovers.

Head lock lovers.

Tedstar was over me when I wouldn’t let him sit out on the porch by himself.

Pissed pussy

No porch for Teddy, no cute photo posing for me.

The felines must be monitored while lounging on the mini manse outdoor wing, as in this lovely plant…

Plant

One of my green thumbs works!

…are five eggs waiting to bust open with chicks.

Five birdies

Party of five.

All of the meows and incessant clawing at the porch door drove me to drink the last little bit of Sunday away.

Drives me to drink.

Slurpy Sunday.

And this weekend was good to the last drop.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Cougar Style

A little honky tonkin’, hockey and hootenanny in Nashville this weekend….

After a few happy hour Skinny Pirates, I headed to the hockey game – and you know that meant a little bathroom bartending…

Don't tell I'm up to no good.

Thank God alcohol kills germs, right? Right?!

My Nashville Predators beat the Edmonton Oilers 6-0. Yeehaw!

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Welcome to Smashville!

Saturday greeted me with a package from my blogging gal pal, Nicola from Nail Art For Funn.  She sent so many goodies from Korea, I can hardly wait to try all of the fun on my weekly Sunday night nail nights!

While out and about with visiting family, I came across an ancient artifact – my uncle’s phone.

Ancient history

Yes, it still works.

Saturday evening led to family fun night at my favorite Nashville honky tonk, Robert’s Western World.  I re-created my Hardee’s modeling bit (click here to read about my first time) while eating the oh-so-delicious burger…

Hardee's burger model, take 2.

Hardee’s burger model, take 2.

I ran into (OK, minorly stalked if I’m being honest here) the fastest playing fiddler in all of Tennessee, Joshua Hedley.

My favorite fiddle player

Cowboy Josh and a crazy fan.

And what to my wondering ears did appear but a 17-year-old guitar player full of good cheer.

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This kid rocks.

While I don’t typically pine for guys younger than yours truly, I couldn’t help but swoon over this kick ass pickin’ kid, promptly turning into a cougar.

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On the prowl – look out!

All of the Saturday night shenanigans led to a Sunday morning full of sunglasses and snuggling.

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Yes. I needed the shades that badly.

Upon recovery, I headed back downtown with my family to see downtown Nashville in the daylight, where I set my sights on the most wonderful thing imaginable…a bar on wheels.  All you have to do is pedal while drinking to cruise the streets (I of course would need to sit on someone’s lap while they pedaled for me – I’m a high heel (and obviously high maintenance) wearin’ boozer).

Drink and pedal.

Drinking + pedaling = no cocktail calories counted.

A little BBQ action at Rippy’s for my endlessly starving 14-year-old cousin, C-dawg. Seriously, this kid talks about food as much as I rant and rave about Ted.

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Feed me….again!

And remember me as a spitting image of Elvis?  I so badly wanted to keep the costume in order to continually prance around as The King but the upkeep of a white jumpsuit would be a nightmare.

As Elvis

Hunka hunka burnin’ …. love?

But I found the next best thing at a shop downtown –

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PJs perfect for prancing around!

Guess what you’ll be seeing on this blog in the near future?

CBXB

CBXB!

The Seven Month Itch

March marks my seventh month in the blogosphere, which I suppose means I’m still relatively new at this. When I started posting, I not only wondered what in the hell I was going to talk about daily (like I ever shut up) I also wondered who in the world would be interested enough (aside from my mother and the required family member readership) to come hang and take a peek into my life.

In celebration, I’ve decided to share seven random facts about myself. Sit back, relax and grab a cocktail (or three)…

#1. I have a really fun family that I love hanging around.

up up and away

Trying to get a lift onto my dad’s back after honky tonkin’ for my sister’s bachelorette party.

#2. I often make an asshole out of myself on accident.  Labeling them as blonde moments makes me feel better.

Scary...

It’s JAWS! Scary shark! Wait, where’d the shark go?

#3. Rarely do I drink ’til I puke. But when I was younger and didn’t know any better, thank god someone was there to capture the Kodak moment.

My bestie, Scooby holding my hair back. While laughing. Loudly.

My bestie, Scooby holding my hair back. While laughing. Loudly.

#4. I’ve been crazy about cats my entire life.

Cray cray in training.

Cray cray in training with Ernie.

#5. Richie Sambora (yeah, the one from Bon Jovi) once put a guitar pick he used during a show into my hand. I said into my hand! He didn’t throw it into the crowd and I happened to catch it, he walked over and handed it to me.  This was in the Heather Locklear vs. Denise Richards days. I was pretty sure I hated Richie for cheating on his gorgeous wife, Heather (I mean if she gets cheated on, where’s that leave the rest of us gals?) and knew I hated him for dating his ex-wife’s friend during the divorce. Then Richie’s hand touched mine and well….

I. DIED.

I. DIED.

I fell so much in love with the stupid pick, I had it made into a necklace. It’s my personal heirloom to pass down to my cat children. Teddy refuses to wear it around his neck because he thinks it’s too “heavy.” CATS.

Not too heavy for this neck.

Not too heavy for this neck.

#6. I have a trashy habit (does this surprise anyone? Anyone?!) of cutting down bags of chips as I stuff them into my mouth.  This not only alleviates your wrist from getting greasy, this tactic is much more time efficient when trying to inhale the crumbs at the bottom of the bag. Trust me.

I know, I know...why didn't you think about this before?!

I know, I know…why didn’t you think about this before?!

Breakfast of Champions

#7. I couldn’t love my cat Teddy more than if I’d birthed him myself. Yeah, yeah, I know. C.R.A.Z.Y.

Couldn't love this cat more...

Crazy in love.

Here’s to seven more months of fun!

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

The Accidental Drunk

You know how you intend to have one after work cocktail and then all hell breaks loose? Yeah, me too.

Last night I met up with pals I haven’t seen in a long time … and one drink turned into three, which led to bourbon and late night honky tonkin’, resulting in a groggy Thursday morning.

It all started at a fancy restaurant where I decided to go out on a limb and deviate from my typical Skinny Pirate, vodka and wine.  I chose the “Keith It Simple” cocktail which included Corsair Absinthe, Old Forrester 100 Proof, house infused with vanilla bean, fresh lemon…there was nothing simple about this concoction.

the instigator

Big Mistake.

My choice in liquor for the evening led to an impromptu photo shoot outside the bathroom.

leading to the mauling of a pin up

Mauling of a pin-up.

And because I typically stick to dive bars, I was ultra impressed with the actual bathroom and started snapping photos in front of other customers (class act, right here).

Casablanca on the wall

Movies on the wall? I want to move in!

How does this work?

Blonde moment 341…how will this flat sink not get water all over my dry jeans?

After making an ass out of myself (and deciding the joint was too pricy for our food tastes), we decided to head to my favorite honky-tonk – Robert’s Western World.

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Why would you pay $40 for an elegant steak when you can get a complete meal at Robert’s for $5!?

A fun tidbit from a bumper sticker – somehow Nashvillians can make bashful and Nashville rhyme.

Somehow Nashvillians can make Bashful and Nashville rhyme...

Making Nashville sound like it’s spelled Nashful. Now that’s talent!

Our versions of ‘gourmet’… late night burgers and fried bologna sandwiches, accompanied by the always kick ass Don Kelley Band (who granted my request and played one of my all time favorite songs, which of course required me to get up and dance…alone on the dance floor…constantly finding ways to make an ass of myself).

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Mouth party!

After my personal Dancing With the Stars premiere, a dude at the table next to me watched me eat my cheese burger like a creeper – probably because I was shoveling the burger into my mouth like this –

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Can’t I eat any faster?

But then he paid me with what I thought was the best compliment ever – “you eating that there burger reminds me of the models on the Hardee’s or Carl’s Jr. commercials.” Who me? A MODEL!!

And then realizing I looked like an eating train wreck, he must have meant I look like the male burger models with mayo running down their chinny chin chins. Just trying to keep it classy, folks!

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Burger modeling in my future? Yes please!

All of these shenanigans had me reaching for my jar of much-needed Vegemite (the Australian hangover cure) this morning. And when I wondered aloud if readers were going to start trying to “sponsor” me due the constant advertising of my bad habits, a friend (a true one) said, “Alcoholics go to meetings. Drunks go to parties.”

Crisis averted.

CBXB

CBXB!

It’s the Liebs, not the Biebs.

That’s right, I’m not talking Justin Bieber I’m talking a Blogster Liebster!

The oh-so-fabulous D-Anna at Style Salvation  and granted sparkly ol’ me with the Liebster Blog Award.  A grand gesture of kindness and by accepting, I must relay five random facts about myself, as well as answering five questions D-Anna has asked yours truly.

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Random things by Cowboys and Crossbones…

1) My favorite movie of all time is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  My family (we’re so classy!) watches it every year during the holidays and it’s a tradition I anticipate right up there with Santa’s big night.

I mean, what family doesn’t have their very own cousin Eddie?

I love the movie so much that last year, I hosted a Griswolds (hence the Grizzie category on my blog) Family Christmas party.

This is my version of a crying Clark while he’s stuck in the attic and his arch nemesis of a neighbor, Margo.

And speaking of crying, I rarely cry. But when I do – I only have one kind…the ugly cry. The hot mess kind of cry. The what the hell is wrong with her kind of cry.  Once I start, I can’t stop.

Think I need to invest in waterproof mascara?

I have no recollection as to why I was being such a bawl baby, I simply remember how freaking hilarious I looked when I finally stopped long enough to look in a mirror. And of course, had to document the situation. You’re welcome.

3) I am really good at shotgunning a beer (even though I am not supposed to have beer with gluten intolerance issues but I can never refuse a challenge).

Once again beating my cousin Tballs in the annual chugging contest. Classy, I know.

4) One of my favorite Nashville pastimes is honky tonkin’ on Broadway. Robert’s Western World is home of two of the best Nashville bands you can see for free – The Don Kelley Band and the Chris Casello Trio. At Robert’s there is never a cover charge, always a fun crowd and they even feature a Recession Special on the menu – a fried bologna sandwich, chips, a moon pie AND a Pabst Blue Ribbon for $5.

Dancing circles around my dad at Robert’s.

5) Lipstick is the last thing I apply before any show.

Applying the reddest red before a show at the 40 Watt club in Athens, Georgia.

Questions from my nominator, D-Anna:

1. What is your favorite clothing item?

Jeans. Typically tight, as my Gma likes to always point out.

2.  What one thing would make your life better?

A little bit larger mini-manse.

3.  What is your dream job?

Rockstar!

4. What is the quote that best resonates with you?

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

5. If you could steal one person’s style, who would it be?

Gwen Stefani

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And now for my passing on the Liebs torch to five very deserving blogs. Drum roll, please….

the lady and the beard

tracy lee karner

misseychelles

celiac and allergy adventures

alyson on the run

The skinny of the rules: The person nominated must answer the 5 questions given by the person who nominated them AND tell 5 random facts about yourself. Then, nominate 5 blogs with under 200 followers, make sure to tell them you nominated them.  Ask the people you nominate 5 questions of your own.

Questions for the CBXB nominees:

1. What is your favorite color and why?

2.  What is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you?

3.  What is your dream job?

4. What is your favorite time of the day?

5. What is the first thing you would you do if you won the lottery?

And last but not least, don’t forget that it’s the last day to enter for this fabulous deer head!

Passin’ on the Liebster fever!

CBXB