Merry Moments

I’m baaaack!

Miss me? Because I missed you as I greeted 2015 with about ten extra holiday pounds and 40,401 less brain cells.

Hello 2015!

Hello 2015!

While on a blogging break, I hung with my two favorite pussies more than I care to admit in Christmas pajamas.

Cat time.

Yep. Still a crazy cat lady.

I played reindeer games in hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon make an appearance.

Reindeer games.

All dolled up with no Santa in sight.

Ted nestled down in his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace while visions of life without New Cat danced around in his furry head.

Nestled all snug in his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace.

Seriously contemplating how to get rid of NC. I raise sweet cats.

A key for Santa was accompanied by my favorite treat.

Santa's fave.

Who wants milk when you can have Captain?

Christmas morning found Princess B playing her kick ass guitar from Auntie CBXB that makes all kinds of loud, annoying noise.

Rockstar in the making.

Rock star in the making.

While Prince B got his very own puppy from me.

Prince B got a puppy.

I almost wrapped up New Cat but settled on this instead.

And Princess B was so upset that she didn’t receive a stuffed dog too, she taught my mom a less by punching her in the face.

BItch slapping Mama CBXB for not gifting her a stuffed puppy.


And so she stole Prince B’s gift.

Mine. All mine.

Mine. All mine.

While I stole all of the chips and AE French Onion dip in the house.

'Tis the season of overeating....

‘Tis the season of overeating….

Which came in handy as I was leaving for Miami the following day.

Toes in the sand with my chip and dip gut.

Toes in the sand with my chip and dip gut.

But I visited the local Jewish Community Center where I tried to work off my Christmas caloric intake but couldn’t figure out how to use the damn equipment.

What the who?

Workout fail.

Trying to shed ten pounds in one morning didn’t really work out in my favor but that was OK as I was too busy kissing 2014 goodbye to care.

Kissing 2014 away!

I love you Captain.

I also got to hang with some real hipsters who obviously got all dolled up for the big night.

Hot friends

He had chips and dip over the holiday too.

And as it came down to the final seconds of 2014, I celebrated in my normal subtle way.

Double horns for double NYE excitement!

Double horns for double NYE excitement!

There was much to anticipate in the early days of 2015 – like one more Iowa Hawkeye football game. And while I wasn’t with my family to celebrate in our traditional game day ways, we still ‘tailgated’ together.

Representing the Hawks on the beach, bitch.

Representing the Hawks on the beach.

Overalls on in Tennessee

Overalls on in Tennessee.

Preparations for the game being made in Iowa by Prince B.

Preparations for the game being made in Iowa by Prince B.

Princess B could care.

While Princess B could give two shits about the upcoming game, as she was still busy with her brother’s puppy.

When the ominous clouds rolled in over the beach, I shoulda known what was going to happen as the Hawks have had a piss poor season. Even though we were playing an equally dismal team, the University of Tennessee Volunteers, I just knew it would be a good game, forgetting the fact that I attended one of the top party schools in the nation (according to a 2013 report). So I suppose fun in the sun got the better of my team.

Clouds rolled in...

Lightning did not strike for my Hawkeyes.

After a 21-0 Vols lead in the first quarter I was suddenly thrilled that I didn’t make any bets with the Tennessee fans around me. Finally in the third quarter of the game Iowa scored but still managed to make the Tennessee Vols look like a Superbowl team.

FINALLY a touchdown shot!

A much needed celebration touchdown shot.

The Vols had not won a post season game since 2008 and I was less than thrilled that my Hawkeyes were able to grant them a big W with a final score of 45-28. And so I did what any fan would do after losing a hideously named Taxslayer Bowl…

Drowning in my sorrows.

Drowning in my salt water sorrows.

Upon my arrival back to Nashville, I was greeted with fuck you flowers from my buddy and Vols fan, Camo.

Greeted back to Nashville with Tennessee colored flowers compliments of my buddy and Vols fan Camo. So sweet.

A masked insult in a lovely bouquet.

And I thought maybe 2015 wasn’t starting off on the right foot…

Maybe we didn't start the new year off on the right foot afterall...

Um, I think I miss you 2014.

Until I ran into my best friend at Dalts, which made everything right in the world again.

Captain to the rescue!

Skinny Pirates to the rescue!

So now I am back in love with the idea of a new year and I plan to kick 2015’s ass.

I hope you do, too.





Pussy Patrol

My dynamic duo

My dynamic duo with obvious personality galore.

When I found myself on what felt like death’s doorstep the past few days with stomach flu, I turned to my two pussies to aid in my caretaking.

Down with the sickness.

Down with the sickness.

I mean, it’s the least these little shits could do after all this cat mom has done for her darling Teddy Bear and force adopted New Cat.

Pussy pink eye

Or the time when New Cat had pink eye?

Head butt from a cone head.

And got to wear a cone on his head for three weeks?

So it was heartwarming when my two bitchy beyond high maintenance felines put their furry noggins together, figuring out a way to patrol their sick mother.

Mr. Bear is the brains behind every operation while Mr. Tuxedo is the belly.  Yes, I said belly as this black and white cat looks like he swallowed a 16 pound bowling ball while adorning a head the size of a pin since coming to reside at our mini manse.

Mr. Bear is the brains behind every operation while Mr. Tuxedo is the belly. Yes, I said belly as this cat looks like he swallowed a bowling ball while adorning a head the size of a pin since coming to reside at our mini manse.

Fuck mom. What’s for supper?

Ted decided to throw his thick boned body on my aching stomach for 16.8 hours each day, forcing me to lie as still as a wax statue on display at Madame Tussaud’s museum, so as not to interrupt his day long nap.

Held down his sick mama from moving one inch. All day.

We flipped sides once to alleviate any growing couch sores.

While Ted was busy taking one for the team on the sofa, New New mimicked me by playing dead.

This looks just like her, right?

Looks just how I feel.

When I did make it up off of the couch taking my ass to either the refrigerator or my bed (each destination seemed like a marathon distance) Ted demanded to check everything that went into my body.

Malt Check

Chocolate malt cleared for consumption.

While Tedstar was busy smacking his chops over ice cream, New Cat perused my sack of meds and liquids left by pals at my doorstep.

Inspector Gadget

Inspector Gadget, disappointed at the lack of tuna in the bag.

Each pussy did their best to get in some face time with mama, however.

Face Time

My own personal scarf made out of cat.

Face Time 2

FaceTime at its finest.

Naturally Teddy Bear was exhausted after day one of my illness and he retreated to his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace (where he refers to himself as king) to recuperate from all of his caretaking.

Juicy Pussy Palace

Snuggling down for a 24 hour nap.

It wasn’t until New Cat decided to maul my face that Ted was roused out of his leopard fur tent.

Too close for comfort

Too close for TB’s comfort.

A flash of gray fur rolled passed me fast as a tumbleweed as Teddy resumed his spot on my abdomen.

Lick her lips again and I will end you.

Lick her lips again and I will end you, you fucking new feline you.

The most recent addition to the mini manse was forced to watch all of the snuggling action from the floor as Ted is a master at throwing cold shade at anyone (or cat) that gets in his way.

Ignoring NC

The shut out.

Thing is, New Cat has his own wily ways, as he’s taken pointers from his conniving older brother. Waiting until Bear was snoring in a deep slumber, NC made a leap for my lap, nestling in ass to ass with his not-so-tiny sibling who barely batted an eye due to my mad multitasking abilities (rubbing one pussy’s belly while catching the other…I know, I know impressive).

Three's a crowd.

Three’s a crowd.

While I’m now almost fully mended (Skinny Pirates sound good again!), I’m willing to rent my pussies out to patrol you if you’re feeling under the weather.

You’re welcome in advance.




Weekend Winks – Double the Trouble

Memorial Day fun in Nashville included a visit from the Iowa twins, our version of camping, a little swimming and all kinds of fun.

About to scream for their ice cream.

About to scream for their ice cream.

Upon announcing my niece and nephew’s arrival, His Royal Highness Ted decided he’d camp out in his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace the entire three-day weekend.

I'm find here, thanks.

Glamping at its finest.

When the twins rolled in on their first trip to Nashville, we did everything that 72 hours could handle…


Sitting back and enjoying the trip.

Starting off with a dip in Gpa’s newly installed swimming pool that took four hours to blow up.


Classy swimming.

I snuck in an arm workout coordinating all of the bubbles for Princess B.


Bubble mania.

Of course we took a break every other hour for snacks and beverages.

Snack time

Gold fish and apple juice are now my faves.

Princess B played dress up in her newly acquired sequin jacket and stolen fedora from her bro (she thinks she looks better in it).

Dress Up

Sequin lover in the making!

Happy hour consisted of cocktails and cartoons.

Happy Hour

Happiest hour of the weekend.

Cocktail time also called for Prince B to hand feed me crackers off of the floor with his grubby little paws.

Hand fed

I could get used to this.

Taking after his auntie, Prince B got down with double fisting apple juice.

Double Fister

One just won’t cut it.

All of the sugar consumption led to some snugglin’ at the supper table.


A close cuddle for the chance at an earring yank.

What three-day weekend would be complete without a bit of yard work? We told Princess B she was in a parade, so she wouldn’t think she was doing an actual chore.


Fake mowing at .0935 mph.

A little baking left the babies ready to rest for their long trip back to Iowa.

Chefs in the kitchen

Emeril and Betty Crocker rockin’ in the kitchen.

When I came back to my mini manse and filled Ted in on the weekend shenanigans, he could barely keep his head up.

Tired out Ted.

Worn out by twin stories.

In my short absence hanging with twins, a neighborhood bird decided to start her family in a plant on our porch.


Three’s a crowd.

Now I just need to keep my nosy duo out-of-the-way for the birdies to fly the coop.


Anxiously awaiting a hatching…

Here’s hoping your short work week is off to a fabulous start!







Weekend Winks – Spooky, Sparkly Style

Football, sequins, cocktails, felines and pooches….could a weekend get any better?

Sucking the weekend down in sequins. Is there any other way?

Sucking the weekend down in sequins. Is there any other way?

It seemed like such a good time to get out my Halloween decor. But Ted had other ideas in mind. Like sitting on the top of my bins, daring me with his knife-slicing gaze to remove him from his newly anointed throne.

Tower of Teddy terror.

Tower of Teddy terror.

But remove him I did and then this happened….

My haunted nightmare.

My personally created haunted nightmare.

In all of the horrific mess, I found appropriate October stemware which called for an immediate patio party and an abrupt halt to any Halloween decorating.

Let's get sheeetfaced. Seriously.

Let’s get sheet-faced. Because ghouls just want to have fun! Seriously.

And as my First Mate stopped by, we took our wine glass sayings to heart.

First Mate

Captain and First Mate, one bottle down. An entire box to go.

While hazy in all of my sheet-faced aftermath, I awoke to a photo of the two cutest Iowa Hawkeyes on the entire planet (and yes, they’re my twin niece and nephew so I’m biased but seriously. Look at them. Seriously!) on Saturday .


B & B. Hawkeye Factory.

I tried being all cutesy in my full sequin giddy up (it was my alma matter’s homecoming after all) sending a rather harsh message to my friend cheering for the opposing team.

Double whammy

Double whammy classiness at the gas station.

In the end, it was I who had to eat crow, as my Hawks lost.

But some how, some way I still enjoyed the football food….

Tailgating treats

Tailgating treats.

And the moonshine shots every touchdown the Hawks scored…

All of the moonshine in the land

A proud CBXB family tradition.

And the cutest f’ing mascots on the planet…

I mean, seriously!!!

I mean, seriously!!!

While licking my losing wounds, I decided to introduce Tedstar to his very own mini manse, which looks fabulous in the living room of mine.

Ted's new mini manse

My blogfamous feline in his cozy new digs.

I felt it the appropriate time to gift Mr. Bear a little something as I was busy cheating on him while I dog sat for some friends.

Viewing party

My other crew.

I nestled in between my canine companions to watch a fun fairy tale of a movie…


But this is how the viewing party turned out…

All make out sesh

My ear seriously must smell like beef jerky.

When it was time to turn the lights down low for the evening, I had deep feelings of guilt in the pit of my stomach while looking at this sweet face.

Snuggle Buddy

Temporary snuggle buddy.

Because hell hath no fury like a pissed off pussy (even if he has a new Juicy Couture, leopard fur cat cave).


He’s so on to me.

I have a feeling that Ted can smell the dog scent on my freshly laundered jeans.

I also have a feeling that I may be missing an eyeball later this week due to a very sharp, feline claw.

What a way to kick off the month of Halloween…