The Birthday Legend

Oh dads.

If you are lucky enough to have one or have had one in your life, then you win. A familiar fixture on this blog and in my life, my dad celebrates his day of birth (along with his twin!) today. Aunt Crazy Pants once doled out advice that I didn’t think much of at the time when I was younger. She said (during some stupid crazy boy drama, no doubt) “No man will ever love you the way your dad loves you.”

This didn’t really dawn on me until I was an “adult” (a term I use for myself extremely loosely these days) and a dude I was living with said to me, “I can’t treat you like your dad treats you.”

BOY BYE.

I guess I never had to think about it because of the jackpot I scored when my dad chose to be mine. A knight in shining (well, in his case probably rusty) armour. A frugal on the allowance guy whose driving abilities were always affected by how loudly the radio was playing in unknown territory (TURN DOWN Q.102 GIRLS WE’RE IN DES MOINES!). A dad who commuted four hours daily to work but rarely missed an extra curricular activity. A dude who could scare boyfriends shitless with his size but is actually a giant, goofy Teddy Bear.

A father who not only duct taped my glasses together in the third grade (hence the short-lived nickname “Ducky” by the oh-so-sweet fellow 4th graders) but also uses the same magic to keep my bumper adhered to your car as an “adult”.

A dad who tells you to “tough it up” when you’re sitting in the superintendent’s office, holding a bloody chin after being hit in the face with a baseball bat during P.E. but remains strong and silent decades later when he’s driving you to the hospital after being raped.

So yeah, Aunt Crazy Pants and her advice rings true – best of luck to a dude ever living up to The Man, The Myth, My Legend.

Celebrating the Big Fella today, please join me as I share some of the valuable…

LESSONS FROM MY LEGEND


Image 90

You should always have your family’s back…

bl

       … even if they often attack.

Throw your hands up in the air…

wave

…and wave them like I just don’t care.

Even if you’re a dork inside…

...without my shades.

                                              

…it’s no matter if you’re cool on the outside.

The art of muscle blowing is unique.

blow

                       Passed down to generations…

and

                                              … and generations …

still

…to upkeep.

Pink isn’t just for girls…

flex

…guys often put the color on for a whirl.

Sequins should be in my everyday attire…

love

     … as you gave me the first bedazzled top I ever acquired.

It’s OK to stand out in a crowd…

Dada C-Note

…just be sure to do it loud and proud.

Giving is better than receiving…

Image 91

…except when you let your three year old open your gift to be appeasing. 

The importance of slathering on sunscreen daily…

very

   …just be sure to not get too crazy.

The significance of jazz hands…

was

…often help when making demands.

It’s not a road trip…

check

…unless you have rot gut vodka and your finger to mix.

Reminding me there’s more than one fish in the sea…

fish

           …especially whenever a boy has been mean to me.

Being the life of the party…

never

                                          …is like leading one big…

…fun army.

The duo that shoots shots together…

Wild Turkey

Image 11

Stays together.

…stays together.

It’s important to share…

at the

…even while pigging out at the Iowa State Fair.

It’s OK to relax…

after

…after a day has been crap.

You’ve carried me through physical hard times…

broken foot

         

broken ankle

…even if sometimes it was from too much self-inflicted wine.

Tipping my Skinny Pirates when my nails are drying…

treat

                         

…because you know there’s a silver lining.

Most importantly, not all heroes wear capes…

Not all

…just dads who pick us up no matter our proverbial scrapes. 

So let us all raise our glasses today…

cheers!

…and cheers your birthday away!

Those are just a few of my lessons from…

happy

 The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

Happy Birthday Dada!

Join the twins in a sing-a-long to Coo Coo…

(of course we do not have normal monikers such as Grandpa in my classy family)

We love you.

CBXB

CBXB!

The Man. The Myth. My Legend.

Image 90

Being that he’s often (happily) guest starring in blog posts and it’s his birthday weekend, I’m sharing some of the valuable life lessons that dear old dad passed down.

LESSONS FROM MY LEGEND

My dad taught me…

That you should always have your family’s back…

bl

                                       …even if they maul you.

How to throw my hands up in the air…

wave

…and wave them like I just don’t care.

To never leave home…

...without my shades.

                                              …without my shades.

The importance of being able to “blow up” one’s muscles.

blow

                       They keep blowing…

and

                                              … and blowing…

still

                                                 …and blowing.

You taught me that pink isn’t just for gals…

flex

         …tough guys wear it too.

That sequins should be in my everyday attire…

love

     …’cause you gave me the first bedazzled top I ever acquired.

It’s OK to stand out in a crowd…

Dada C-Note

and that giving is better than receiving…

Image 91

…unless you’re three and don’t realize it’s not you’re birthday.

The importance of slathering on sunscreen daily…

very

                      …as long as there’s someone to rub it in for you.

You taught me the significance of jazz hands…

was

…because you never know when you’ll need to use them.

How to travel on a road trip…

check

…with rot gut vodka, a plastic cup and using your finger to mix.

Reminding me there’s more than one fish in the sea…

fish

                …especially whenever a boy has been mean to me.

That being the life of the party…

never

                                          …is never a bad deal…

                                                             EVER.

You taught me that shots…

too

                     …are cocktails, too.

And the family that shoots together…

Wild Turkey

Image 11

Stays together.

                  …stays together.

That it’s important to share…

at the

                 …even while pigging out at the Iowa State Fair.

How to relax…

after

                                               …after a long day.

You showed me you’d always be there to carry me through hard times…

broken foot

         …with a broken foot…

broken ankle

              …a broken ankle…

                          …and when I’m just too drunk to walk.

You taught me that it’s OK to spoil people…

treat

                          …especially when their nails are wet…

           …as long as you return the favor.

Most importantly, you taught me that not all heroes wear capes…

Not all

…some wear their daughters on their backs.

So let us all raise our glasses today…

cheers!

…and cheers your birthday away!

Those are just a few of my lessons from…

happy

 The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

Better get those Hawkeye shot glasses out and ready to celebrate this weekend!

Happy Birthday Dada!

CBXB

CBXB!

Lessons From My Legend

Image 90

Being that he’s often (happily) guest starring in blog posts and tomorrow is his birthday, I’m sharing some of the valuable life lessons that dear old dad passed down.

LESSONS FROM MY LEGEND

My dad taught me…

That you should always have your family’s back…

bl

…even if they maul you.

How to throw my hands up in the air…

wave

…and wave them like I just don’t care.

To never leave home…

...without my shades.

…without my shades.

The importance of being able to “blow up” one’s muscles.

blow

They keep blowing…

and

… and blowing…

still

…and blowing.

Pink isn’t just for gals…

flex

…tough guys wear it too.

That sequins should be in my everyday attire…

love

…’cause you gave me the pfirst bedazzled top I ever acquired.

It’s OK to stand out in a crowd…

…and be fanatics, even when your team sucks.

That giving is better than receiving…

better

…unless you’re three and don’t realize it’s not your birthday.

The importance of slathering on sunscreen daily…

very

…as long as there’s someone to rub it in for you.

The significance of jazz hands…

was

…because you never know when you’ll need to use them.

How to travel on a road trip…

check

…with rot gut vodka, a plastic cup and using your finger to mix.

Reminding me there’s more than one fish in the sea…

fish

…especially whenever a boy has been mean to me.

That being the life of the party…

never

…is never a bad deal…

EVER.

My dad taught me that shots…

too

…are cocktails, too.

And the family that shoots together…

Wild Turkey

Image 11

Stays together.

…stays together.

That it’s important to share…

at the

…even while pigging out at the Iowa State Fair.

How to relax…

after

…after a long day.

You showed me you’d always be there to carry me through hard times…hero

broken foot

…with a broken foot…

broken ankle

…a broken ankle…

…and when I’m just too drunk to walk.

You taught me that it’s OK to spoil people…

treat

…especially when their nails are wet…

…as long as you return the favor.

Most importantly, you taught me that not all heroes wear capes…

Not all

…some wear their daughters on their backs.

So let us all raise our glasses today…

cheers!

…and cheers your birthday away!

Those are just a few of my lessons from…

happy

…The Man, The Myth, THE LEGEND.

Better get those shot glasses out and ready to celebrate this weekend…

Happy Birthday Dada!

CBXB

CBXB!