Pussy Patrol

My dynamic duo

My dynamic duo with obvious personality galore.

When I found myself on what felt like death’s doorstep the past few days with stomach flu, I turned to my two pussies to aid in my caretaking.

Down with the sickness.

Down with the sickness.

I mean, it’s the least these little shits could do after all this cat mom has done for her darling Teddy Bear and force adopted New Cat.

Pussy pink eye

Or the time when New Cat had pink eye?

Head butt from a cone head.

And got to wear a cone on his head for three weeks?

So it was heartwarming when my two bitchy beyond high maintenance felines put their furry noggins together, figuring out a way to patrol their sick mother.

Mr. Bear is the brains behind every operation while Mr. Tuxedo is the belly.  Yes, I said belly as this black and white cat looks like he swallowed a 16 pound bowling ball while adorning a head the size of a pin since coming to reside at our mini manse.

Mr. Bear is the brains behind every operation while Mr. Tuxedo is the belly. Yes, I said belly as this cat looks like he swallowed a bowling ball while adorning a head the size of a pin since coming to reside at our mini manse.

Fuck mom. What’s for supper?

Ted decided to throw his thick boned body on my aching stomach for 16.8 hours each day, forcing me to lie as still as a wax statue on display at Madame Tussaud’s museum, so as not to interrupt his day long nap.

Held down his sick mama from moving one inch. All day.

We flipped sides once to alleviate any growing couch sores.

While Ted was busy taking one for the team on the sofa, New New mimicked me by playing dead.

This looks just like her, right?

Looks just how I feel.

When I did make it up off of the couch taking my ass to either the refrigerator or my bed (each destination seemed like a marathon distance) Ted demanded to check everything that went into my body.

Malt Check

Chocolate malt cleared for consumption.

While Tedstar was busy smacking his chops over ice cream, New Cat perused my sack of meds and liquids left by pals at my doorstep.

Inspector Gadget

Inspector Gadget, disappointed at the lack of tuna in the bag.

Each pussy did their best to get in some face time with mama, however.

Face Time

My own personal scarf made out of cat.

Face Time 2

FaceTime at its finest.

Naturally Teddy Bear was exhausted after day one of my illness and he retreated to his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace (where he refers to himself as king) to recuperate from all of his caretaking.

Juicy Pussy Palace

Snuggling down for a 24 hour nap.

It wasn’t until New Cat decided to maul my face that Ted was roused out of his leopard fur tent.

Too close for comfort

Too close for TB’s comfort.

A flash of gray fur rolled passed me fast as a tumbleweed as Teddy resumed his spot on my abdomen.

Lick her lips again and I will end you.

Lick her lips again and I will end you, you fucking new feline you.

The most recent addition to the mini manse was forced to watch all of the snuggling action from the floor as Ted is a master at throwing cold shade at anyone (or cat) that gets in his way.

Ignoring NC

The shut out.

Thing is, New Cat has his own wily ways, as he’s taken pointers from his conniving older brother. Waiting until Bear was snoring in a deep slumber, NC made a leap for my lap, nestling in ass to ass with his not-so-tiny sibling who barely batted an eye due to my mad multitasking abilities (rubbing one pussy’s belly while catching the other…I know, I know impressive).

Three's a crowd.

Three’s a crowd.

While I’m now almost fully mended (Skinny Pirates sound good again!), I’m willing to rent my pussies out to patrol you if you’re feeling under the weather.

You’re welcome in advance.




Weekend Winks – Spooky, Sparkly Style

Football, sequins, cocktails, felines and pooches….could a weekend get any better?

Sucking the weekend down in sequins. Is there any other way?

Sucking the weekend down in sequins. Is there any other way?

It seemed like such a good time to get out my Halloween decor. But Ted had other ideas in mind. Like sitting on the top of my bins, daring me with his knife-slicing gaze to remove him from his newly anointed throne.

Tower of Teddy terror.

Tower of Teddy terror.

But remove him I did and then this happened….

My haunted nightmare.

My personally created haunted nightmare.

In all of the horrific mess, I found appropriate October stemware which called for an immediate patio party and an abrupt halt to any Halloween decorating.

Let's get sheeetfaced. Seriously.

Let’s get sheet-faced. Because ghouls just want to have fun! Seriously.

And as my First Mate stopped by, we took our wine glass sayings to heart.

First Mate

Captain and First Mate, one bottle down. An entire box to go.

While hazy in all of my sheet-faced aftermath, I awoke to a photo of the two cutest Iowa Hawkeyes on the entire planet (and yes, they’re my twin niece and nephew so I’m biased but seriously. Look at them. Seriously!) on Saturday .


B & B. Hawkeye Factory.

I tried being all cutesy in my full sequin giddy up (it was my alma matter’s homecoming after all) sending a rather harsh message to my friend cheering for the opposing team.

Double whammy

Double whammy classiness at the gas station.

In the end, it was I who had to eat crow, as my Hawks lost.

But some how, some way I still enjoyed the football food….

Tailgating treats

Tailgating treats.

And the moonshine shots every touchdown the Hawks scored…

All of the moonshine in the land

A proud CBXB family tradition.

And the cutest f’ing mascots on the planet…

I mean, seriously!!!

I mean, seriously!!!

While licking my losing wounds, I decided to introduce Tedstar to his very own mini manse, which looks fabulous in the living room of mine.

Ted's new mini manse

My blogfamous feline in his cozy new digs.

I felt it the appropriate time to gift Mr. Bear a little something as I was busy cheating on him while I dog sat for some friends.

Viewing party

My other crew.

I nestled in between my canine companions to watch a fun fairy tale of a movie…


But this is how the viewing party turned out…

All make out sesh

My ear seriously must smell like beef jerky.

When it was time to turn the lights down low for the evening, I had deep feelings of guilt in the pit of my stomach while looking at this sweet face.

Snuggle Buddy

Temporary snuggle buddy.

Because hell hath no fury like a pissed off pussy (even if he has a new Juicy Couture, leopard fur cat cave).


He’s so on to me.

I have a feeling that Ted can smell the dog scent on my freshly laundered jeans.

I also have a feeling that I may be missing an eyeball later this week due to a very sharp, feline claw.

What a way to kick off the month of Halloween…