Dog Days of Summer

If you know me in the slightest, you know that my fur kids are people to me (whenever I walk in my front door, no matter if I just took the trash out, I holler “where my peeps at?”). My world revolves around them. And, suffice to say, I have had the greatest honor and pleasure of rescuing a small zoo.

But there are always fur babies that hold an extra special spot in your heart and I’m sad to share that I came home from work last week and found that my chug, Precious, had passed away. She was in the exact spot where she normally awaits my arrival home. Although, upon calling out, her little tail didn’t wag and her head didn’t pop up in excitement of seeing her mama after mere hours away from one another.

Coolest chug on the planet.

To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I am having a hard time writing this now – and yet as we all know too fucking well – life moves on. For me, I’m trying to comprehend the timing. I’ve lost my two best fur friends within a year. Two fur peeps that were like guns in holsters by my side, one on each hip constantly. My chest has been heavy and my heart is honestly in pieces. But with my constant support system of the fabulous humans in my life, I’ve managed one moment at a time. One bestie told me that if she didn’t know me, she’d think I had Munchausen Syndrome of drama because so much shit has rained down in the last few years. But unfortunately, it’s all true. Which is why I always let people go first when we talk about how our day has been.

Ted and Presh. Best buddies playing forever over the Rainbow Bridge.

I dread walking through the front door where I found Presh but on the first day the task had to be done, I had a bouquet from the most kick ass friends in which a girl could wish greeting me. They were sitting right outside my door, easing the burden of the inevitable door walk through.

Flowers are a grieving gal’s best friend.

While I wanted to wallow in bed with the covers over my head, I realized I do have rent to pay, lights to keep on and four pussies to feed. When I came into work, pink roses awaited my arrival.

Team members showed their love.

My cousin and his wife were thankfully in town Friday and Dada CBXB and myself went to meet them for a much-needed Skinny Pirate(s) after the longest fucking week. While I do pride myself in being current, I couldn’t help but die when I snapped a pic of our cocktails and saw that a walker was in the background. If you get to Dalts before 5pm, you’ll be sharing the bar with people who make you feel like a newborn. And I don’t hate it.

Can you tell we’re related?

In my Iowa twin news, there were getting prepped for the arrival of Coo Coo (yes, that’s the phrase we use for grandpa – always keeping it classy).

Hunk of the month. I’m talking about the boy, not the dog.

Swish swish full of swag.

Coo Coo made it just in time for cocktail hour on Saturday.

Jazz hands run in the family, obvies.

Another thing that runs in the family? Fabulous nails. Princess B set out to give Auntie CBXB a run for her patriotic mani money.

Red, white and blue-hoo!

Tootsies too.

Same color scheme, slightly different approach for this old broad. I can’t wait to make Sister CBXB give me a manicure next time I see her since she’s got mad mani skills.

Patriotic claws.

While Coo Coo and the twins were living it up in Iowa, I was having a time getting my ass outta the bed.

Rasta and the sun coaxed me out of the mini where I floated the day away.

We were slightly alarmed after seeing the obviously-required-by-the-codes-department-sign hanging at the pool that missed vital information…

Who’s gonna save me?

Getting ready for a bath (full of bawling my eyes out) post swim, First Mate called and saved the day. She swung by with Bota Box Rosé (seriously the best box of wine on the market at the moment) and we chit chatted and then started to binge watch the show Younger (seriously an easy-to-watch-thirty-minutes-of-fuff). And then my main TV crapped out. Did we let ruin our slumber party?

The Gulp ‘n’ Go.

Nope. We moved the cheese platter, popcorn and the pussies into the bedroom.

Our Cardboardeaux Rosé accompanied us.

Nothing like nestling in for a binge…until someone says “I just need to rest my eyes,” and it’s lights out. So First Mate saw herself out of the mini after her host rudely passed out.

Slumber party shenanigans.

Starting the newest novel by Ruth Ware, I decided it was better to get more vitamin D while reading than complete and utter darkness under the covers. Sunday Funday found me back at the pool in 95 degree heat. While I have gained 40 pounds since Rapegate, the one perk of the extra LBs has been the enhancement of my flat chest (oh and I have pride in photos and videos that make the rounds to friends).

Wallowing in the sun.

Complete package.

With must needed thirst quenchers.

Again when I was side eyeing the bath tub (Precious would sit on the toilet while I bathed – again, nothing but classy white trash), knowing it would cause a tearfest, Bird Lady happened to call and suggest a cocktail and snack outing.

When she saw me she said, “Your hair looks really great. What did you do?”

“I finally washed it.”

So fresh and so clean cocktail hour.

Thanks again from the bottom of my heart for helping this gal, who is seriously trudging through the muck of life (I mean fucking seriously, was I a serial killer in a past life?), feel loved, important and heard. Words, gestures and hugs go the longest way.

Can’t wait to see her again and Bear again. Two great loves of my life.

Take care of yourselves. Look both ways before crossing the street. Make sure you don’t fall down any stairs. Wear a floatie in the lake. Make sure that seat belt snaps. Because if you’re reading this, I love you. And my heart can take no more losses at the moment.

XOXO –

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Goodbye to Gma the Great

I’ve never been one to take my family or time with them for granted, so it was real bummer when my Gma passed away a few weeks ago. Not only was she one of my best buddies, I know I inherited her brutal honesty, ornery streak and love of having my fingernails polished.

An ode to my Gma, HJ who recently passed away…

Gma

Always one to laugh at surprises…

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…you took to my photobombing like it was one of your most treasured prizes.

Photo Bomb!

You never let anyone forget…

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…when it was time to celebrate you bigger than the national debt.

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I learned from the best…

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…how to celebrate my life full of zest.

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Now seriously Gma, you taught me to party harder than Mae West.

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A love of leopard you instilled….

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…which is now being passed down to the next generation, who’s thrilled.

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It’s so fun you two met at a skating rink…

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…even if after 44 years you still had to steal kisses quicker than an eye blink.

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Although I took after Gpa avoiding kisses, rather craving a hard drink…

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…you always insisted on showing your love, making sure everyone was in sync.

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Beauty sleep and a hairnet was apparently all that you needed…

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…but truly it was your hair ‘dos that always succeeded.

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So it was with glasses and confidence that I superseded…

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…the grace and confidence that you always heeded.

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I wish I would have felt more impeded.

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The Iowa State Fair you never did love,

probably because you couldn’t wear foot gloves.

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It will never be the same, not bringing you a corn dog…

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…and discussing how I ate my way through the fair like a prize-winning hog.

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Circled blacked out dates always meant you had a companion…

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…you always loved attention bigger than the Grand Canyon.

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Attending every homemade Christmas pageant we made…

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…and most likely secretly prayed…

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…that I would never end up a lonely old maid.

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The first to pass of five sisters, who lived out their misters,

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…you loved being pampered more than a fever blister.

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Your nails were painted the day before you passed…

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…and Jell-O shots without you will seem so miscast.

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Regardless of view near or afar, life will never be the same…

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…without you as my shining rock star.

I love you Gma.

Megan

CBXB!

Happy Mani-tines!

What’s a holiday (and yes, Valentine’s Day is a holiday) without a matching manicure?

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Ring my bell.

Hokey? Duh. Cute? Absolutely.

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Let your fingers spread the love.

After applying a base coat, apply two layers of pink and wait for it to dry completely (or you will not be feeling the love with smudged nails) before swiping one thick layer of red on the tips of your digits. Follow with your choice of top coat (I prefer Seche Vite Dry Fast top coat).

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Essie in Short Shorts and E! Live From the Red Carpet.

Now go get your nail love on!

CBXB

CBXB!

Fangtastic Fingers

I vant to suck your blood. Well, really I don't because it might ruin my nails.

I vant to suck your blood.
Well, really I don’t because it might ruin my nails.

Known for being anything but subtle, I choose coordinating holiday colors for my Hallowmani.

Forget the ghosts.

Who doesn’t match their mani to their decor?

After applying a base coat, I doubled up on Sally Hansen’s pumpkin hued polish in Crushed. Letting that dry a few minutes, I followed with a swipe of Orly’s GOTH on the tips of my talons and with a slightly steady hand (I like to have two glasses of wine before attempting this step) I glided Salon Perfect nail art in Silver Plated between the black and orange colors.

No matter what mani I’ve just completed, I always use Seche Vite Dry Fast topcoat. Always.

Terrifying trio.

Terrifying trio.

Curiosity almost killed New Cat (by yours truly), as he risked one of his nine lives to photo bomb my set-up.

Actually this little shit was more terrifying as I thought his tail was going to knock every knick knack over in sight.

My little shit taking my less than professional photo shoot down 14 notches.

But I kept my cool because that’s what a self-appointed Queen of Halloween would do, right?

Afterall, the Queen of Halloween. Naturally.

Naturally.

Happy haunting.

CBXB

CBXB!

Game Day Gussy Up

Is it possible to look fabulous during football season while waving a foam finger in the air?

Foam finger fail.

Fail at fabulousness.

Ever since I was a kid, wearing college colors for game day has been tradition.

Sporting my dad's college jersey. Yes. He was a football playing stud who also was a cheerleader.

Sporting my dad’s college jersey. Yes, he was a football playing stud who also was a cheerleader. Yes, he will sign an autograph for you.

Now that I’m an Iowa Hawkeye girl (that’s Big Ten Country for you non-sports folks – or anyone that has ever misidentified Iowa as the Potato State, addressed my beloved team as the Iowa Buckeyes or thought Kevin Costner lived there in a magic corn field of dreams) in a Nashville world, I always support my college alma mater while cheering hundreds of miles away.

Wearing my pride on my…

Skirts...

…skirt…

...sequins...

…sequins…

...and sweater.

…and sweater.

But why stop at typical fan wear that anyone can sport? If you’re really a team supporter you’ll be sure to accessorize your head to toe outfit.

Whole lotta Hawk.

With flags.

With rings.

With rings.

Gaudy earrings

With gaudy football earrings.

And let’s not forget the importance of matching our cocktails to our team of choice.

And

Appropriately holds one bottle of wine.

We live, breathe and sleep by our black and gold when it comes to college football season.

Taking it to the limits

Taking true fandom  fabulousness to the limits.

Not wanting anyone to feel left out, the twins are even adorned with adorable Hawkeye gear.

Miniature Herkys.

It’s all fun and football games with Prince B and Princess B.

Being a lady (I use that term loosely) that takes any chance to celebrate, today I’m all gussied up in my finest black and gold threads in honor of College Colors Day (it’s seriously a day supported by The Collegiate Licensing Company).

No, we're not Southern Missisippi.

A gal in need of a Hawkeye throne.

And I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t dress my nails up with matching gaudy polish.

Manicured

Team colored talons.

As for a foam finger, I’ve made a minor substitution in order to keep my family’s moonshine touchdown tradition alive this season.

The end all, be all importance of game day.

Moonshine shots with every seven points scored.

Shots with every seven points scored.

Who needs a foam finger with Hawkeye moonshine?

Now go get your game day gussy up on!

CBXB

CBXB!

And the A-Mani-dy Award Goes to…

Oh how Oscar night is filled to the brim with sequins, sparkles and mostly handsome dudes in tuxes. So due to the fact I wasn’t getting all gussied up in a fabulously gaudy gown, I set my sights on dressing up my manicure in honor of the Academy Awards.

The award...

Recipient of the Best Supporting Nails award.

To achieve these award winning nails, you’ll need two colors. A solid gold (which I happen to have a bottle of Chanel that is going for $90 on eBay. Why did I ever open this gift?!) and something as glittery as all get out.

Chanel and OPI

Chanel in Gold Fiction and OPI in Glow Up Already (which seriously must be named after a man).

After one coat of clear base, I applied two handsome coats of the Gold Fiction. I thought about leaving my nails a plain gold for all of three seconds.

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Way too blah for the Oscars, yes?

I applied one coat of OPI gold sparkle, concentrating most of the polish on the tips, trying to create a slight ombre look. Then swiped my freshly painted nails with one coat of Seche Vite Dry Fast Top Coat (best ever in the history of top coats. I swear).

Mission accomplished

Bubbly and glittering gold nails. A perfect awards night combo in my book.

While no statues were given out in my mini manse last night, Ted and I practiced our acceptance speech with my glimmering nails wrapped tightly around the bottle of bubbly acting as a stand in for a naked Academy Award trophy.

Of course the first person he demand I thank was him, naturally.

“I’d like to thank the Academy of Ted…”

CBXB!

Will You Be My Mani-tine?

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A Valentine mani.

No holiday passes CBXB by without the need to paint my nails gaudily accordingly.  So here’s my stab at melting hearts with my mani this week.

I used a trio of colors to achieve my look:

Trio

Salon Perfect in Silver Plated, Sally Hansen in White On and Orly in Star Spangled.

After applying one swipe of base coat, I painted two coats of White On and let it dry a few minutes.

Step One

Then, I put a thick coat of Orly’s Star Spangled on the tips of my talons.

Add the red

To take the gaudiness up a notch, I applied a thin line of Silver Plated in between the red and white hues. Followed by one swipe of my all-time favorite Seche Vite Dry Fast top coat.

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Then I did what any grown woman does after painting her nails.  I started matching my nails to Valentine’s decor.

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Be mine.

Be mine.

And why stop at decor, when you can color coordinate your mani to the wine you’ll be guzzling?

What pants?

The cork in this bottle reads “Who wears the pants? I wear the pants.” No one tell Teddy!

Now I just need to get a matching wine glass (or two – you know, one for each manicured hand).

CBXB

CBXB!