Weekend Winks- Tidbits

It’s been a minute since I have been able to post about my weekend shenanigans as I’ve had my head in the proverbial sand, trying to get my own shit together and love myself.

Loving myself fives hundred times over.

Thanks to my kick ass friends, family and followers, you’ve showered me with enough kindness and love to last a lifetime. And it’s meant the world.

Thank you from the bottom of my butt because it’s a helluva lot bigger than my heart.

Speaking of friends, an old pal from Iowa, Buffalo, blew in from Phoenix a few weeks ago and could not have come at a better time. The belly laughs, peeing of pants and long afternoon pass out naps were severely needed by this chick.

No straws left in Music City.

Dumpy, Buffalo and an Ass Clown.

You guess which one is which.

Honky tonkin’ in Nashvegas is literally like Vegas only you don’t win any money. There isn’t a chance. But you can sure blow your wad…just as Buffalo.

Cowboys and cowgirls out on the town.

What weekend of mine would be complete without jazz hands?

This man could be my soul mate.

After all of the shenanigans, this chick needed a low-key soak in a bubble bath. Since I lack a large lip around my tub, I resort to putting Precious on the shitter. She doesn’t seem to mind, since we’re still together.

Chug a dub dub while mom’s in the tub.

My other four fur babies can’t be bothered to join in any bathing fun because naturally, they sleep 22.6 hours per day.

Why did you have to use the flash, you bitch?!

Oh and those Iowa twins of mine? I’m waiting by the phone for a modeling agency to call me, as I’m dying to be their auntager. I will give Kris Jenner a run for all of her millions with these two natural beauties.

Yes, these are the two cutest kids on the fucking planet.

If the modeling doesn’t work out, there is always basketball. Especially if it’s a super girly league and Princess B is able to wear whatever the hell she wants and use a purple basketball.

Future Hall of Famers.

Speaking of kids, I’d be remiss not to speak to the horrendous mass shooting in Florida. The ongoing heartbreak of losing innocent lives, is beyond measure. And, I’ve had to question my own ideas, opinions and thoughts over the days since it’s happened.

Of course, I don’t know the answer. But I sure as shit don’t think that any kind of military grade rifle should be allowed in the hands of regular folks. Do you really need this sort of firearm to hunt? To protect your house? To shoot clay pigeons? I am no gun expert, believe me. I own a revolver and I have exactly five bullets in my mini manse and they are in my gun (for those of you who stay over at the mini, my gun gets unloaded and the bullets are housed in a separate drawer when guests arrive, so calm down). When I see people freaking the fuck out over the phrase “gun control” and being insulted by second amendment rights being taken away, I think that’s extreme. You want a gun to protect your house, fine. You want a rifle to hunt, fine. But do you need a military grade rifle to do so?

I have been reading all points of view – and yes, if someone is bananas enough, they will find away to kill people. Folks think the FBI could have done something, as they have admitted they missed two tips. I wonder though, what could they do? The kid had no record. His mother, when she was alive, notified the police of his behavior. He’d been expelled from school. He was having mental problems that were being treated. How many empty threats are made on a daily basis? Or, would this be like when you take a restraining order out to protect yourself but it does nothing?

Is this the answer? I don’t know what is – I wish I could look to those in politics who can enforce change but it’s beyond evident that I can’t. In my opinion, it’s not a Republican vs. Democrat problem. It’s an American problem that rings through every single state. I can’t imagine being a parent – let alone a fucking kid that has to practice gun shooting drills – today. It’s insane and it has to stop.

While the domination of news was focused on the Florida mass shooting (as it should be), the Olympics have also been underway and Dada CBXB and myself entered in our favorite sport. Drinking.

We trained all football season for this moment.

Speaking of moments, I still have my Christmas tree up (aka Celebration tree) and since it was pouring down on Saturday, I sat my ass on my leopard couch and got sucked into TV movies.

Redneck? White Trash? I don’t give a fuck.

Cuddled up butt to butt with my favorite snuggle pants.

A chug with a chugger.

Watching horrendously cheesy Hallmark movies (side note – it’s a dream of mine to star in one, no shit) full of you-already-know-what-the-character-is-going-to-say-before-they-say-it while falling in love and getting engaged within a week pulled at my cold, dead heart for once. I immediately called in all reinforcement.

Divorce court here I come. Crisis averted.

While I peruse Facebook as often as the next person, I have a serious love/hate relationship with the fucking memories that pop up from forever ago. Yesterday, my Aunt Crazy Pants and I celebrated nine years of social media friendship. Which was fitting because her birthday would have been this upcoming Friday, so she’s been on my mind constantly (not that she isn’t always).

Taking solace in my wine glass was quite easy because it was national drink wine day yesterday (which is every day for me but since it was a nationally recognized holiday, who am I not to overly partake?!).

OH. MY. GOD. BECKY. It’s an every day for us.

Good thing I have wine glasses that hold entire bottles of wine while I plot how to take over the universe.

Cheers to all of the tidbits in your life. Now go pour a heart healthy glass of vino.

Captain’s orders.

CBXB

What Happens in Vegas Gets Posted on a Blog

Finally recuperated enough to reminisce about my first trip to Vegas last weekend, I thought it’d only be fair to share shenanigans with you…

Holy shit!

This drink was free! I love this place!

Some of my gal pals were smart and rested up on the four-hour plane ride to Vegas…

Rest up

Visions of jackpots danced in their heads.

While my seat mate and I were busy hoarding every ounce of liquor possible to get a head start on fun.

oopsie

We’re the smart ones, yes?!

We're heeeeere!

We’re heeeeere!

Upon landing we gathered our luggage and headed to the MGM Grand Casino.

It's grand, yo!

It’s grand, yo!

Having our complimentary casino cocktails in hand, we stood in a corner people watching where we happened to run into snazzy looking gents on a bachelor party. First impressed by their suits, upon opening their mouths we swooned, as they were from England and had that accent. *Sigh* Once the fellas started talking to us, one of our extremely intelligent ladies asked, “Are you guys from British?”

Smart suits

I don’t care if you’re from British or not, just look at the camera so I can capture this Kodak moment.

After the bachelor party carried onto do whatever it is bachelor parties do in Vegas (does one really have to wonder?), I got busy doing what I do best.

Photo bombing.

Very

Oh, you wanted a photo without yours truly? I don’t think so!

Very

This is a very hard hobby, but someone’s gotta ruin other people’s pics.

Very busy

Love what they’ve done with the background, don’t you?

While I was busy ass clowning around, our gal pal C Money went over to play some penny slots. And then this happened….

Jackpot!

Jackpot!

Just when you thought no one won on penny slots – BOOM! And, this was within the first three hours of our Vegas arrival.

Jackpot!

Celebrate we must.

After crawling into bed at 8am the following morning, it only made sense for me to sit my ass at the pool all day. While on my way to act like a beached whale,  I took the liberty of introducing myself to what could only be described as my soul mate…I mean, he made his own mirrored jacket.

Shiny soulmate

Shiny soul mates.

Deciding which pool to lounge around proved to be a tad difficult…

Lazy river

How do you choose between four pools?

Naturally, I went for the most quiet, relaxing spot in all of the MGM Grand pools.

So relaxing. Bumper floats.

So relaxing. Bumper floats.

In between naps, this gentleman asked our group to pretty please re-pierce his ears. We happily obliged.

Pierced!

You can just keep that hoop, Bra. Looks better on you anyhow.

While I did not gamble one cent away in Vegas, I still had some good juju going on. I scored a free ticket to the I Heart Radio Music Festival at the MGM Grand. For a split second I thought about scalping the ticket, as they were going for $480 but thought better of it, as this was a once in a lifetime experience.

I heart radio!

A free ticket with no strings attached? Yes please!

Keeping my liver well hydrated was my main focus on this trip. Thank God we packed the moonshine, as this helped wash away all of the hours of sleep I wasn’t giving to my body.

Touchdown!

Who needs sleep when you got moonshine?

Morphing into our best bad asses, we partied at the Hard Rock Casino with Motley Crue.

Crew at Motley Crue

Our crew at Crue.

Bad Ass 1 and 2

We know. We’re so bitchin’.

Hanging with rock stars Saturday night, called for some recovery time at the Hard Rock Casino pool – known as Rehab (which my mother nervously Googled when I told her I was headed to rehab).

Rehab

Again with the quiet, relaxing pool day.

Horsie head

What is more serene than hanging out with a new crew – one sporting a horse head? Nothing.

Being one of the last few escorted (surprised? I just didn’t want the party to end!) out of the pool after sundown, I headed to my room to find my own jackpot left for me by one of my girlfriends…

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Winner winner chicken dinner!

As I rounded up the aftermath of my Vegas trip and tried shoving it all in my suitcases, I knew that this city and I had just consummated the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Can't wait

I can’t wait to go back.

But it’s probably wise to give Las Vegas a breather before hitting it like a sparkly, loud, sleepless, sort-of-inebriated, photo bombing Tasmanian devil again.

NashVegas will have to do for now.

CBXB

CBXB!