How to Speak Man

Working with mostly men, I find myself sometimes unable to verbally convey what it is I mean in a language that is understood.  So while we’ve been relocating offices this past week, I came across a box I labeled before the move and got a good chuckle…think the message was conveyed?

Get It?!

I’m not sure yet because the box hasn’t been opened, so every man around here is still breathing.

For now.

CBXB

CBXB!

How to Trash Up the 90210 of Nashville

What’s in a zip code? Everything (especially for shallow folks like me).

Since moving to Nashville, I longed to claim residence on the posh West side.  After searching for a place to call home a few years ago on a very strict budget, I fell in love with a little duplex in the highly coveted area.  And the two top selling points – the fancy zip code and the fact that it was two miles away from my own personal Cheers (that delivers food to my front door, might I add) – a classy lady like yours truly has standards, you know.  So in a leap of faith and in hopes with my fingers, toes and legs crossed that I could always make rent, I went for it.

Now I currently live in the 90210 of Nashville. Oh, snap!

How does one live only a few miles away from this house and keep it classy?

Share the same zip...not the same lifestyle.

Share the same zip…not the same lifestyle.

Well, I don’t. There’s not much class (not surprised are you?) in my neck of the ‘hood (which is more Skid Row than Beverly Hills – but I STILL HAVE THAT DAMN ZIP CODE!) Especially with the help of my neighbor.

When you pull into my drive and park your vehicle, this is the view of my neighbor’s gorgeous shed that might literally blow down if someone came by and huffed and puffed.

The beautifully rusted shed, damaged in a flood three years ago.

The beautifully rusted shed, damaged in a flood three years ago.

My neighbor can also grow mushrooms (that stand out like eye sores next to our crew a few miles over with their pristine yards) in our lawn like he’s Papa Smurf.

I tried to spruce up our joint yard by adding an outside porch wing to my mini manse. Click here to read about the building ordeal.

Wing'd up in class

Kinda classy, right?

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90210 cocktails – in trashy attire.

And after all of my efforts, this happened….

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Gone with the wind, not so fabulous.

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A Nashville 90210 nightmare.

And then another storm blew through, further trashing up the joint…

Making it hard to stay classy

Mother nature could give an F what zip code this umbrella resides in.

And now, I’m adding to the lovely trashiness with my now ultra unfabulous umbrella.

Damaged Goods

Damaged goods.

I’ve even managed to grow mold with my green thumb on top of my snazzy shade protector.

Managed to grow mold with my green thumb

Green with envy, are you?

But nothing quite tops what I came home to yesterday (on my neighbor’s side of the yard, FYI). A couch. In case you get tired while you’re driving by and want to stop, lay down and take a nap.  Hell, I might even bring out a Skinny Pirate for you.

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Naps for sale.

Keepin’ it classy in the 90210 of Nashville ‘hood. Someone’s gotta do it.

CBXB

CBXB!

Fergie Can Suck It

The relief mani.

The relief mani.

I’ve had a love hate relationship with Fergie since she whined about a child and it’s blanket in her song “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” She’s a grown ass woman crooning about missing a man “like a child misses a blankeeee.” PLEASE.

So it truly pained me when I HAD to purchase a nail color from her collaboration with Wet’n’Wild.  The fluorescent neon hue screamed my name and I got over myself and bought the damn bottle. I mean, she’s got funky style – how bad could the polish be, really?

It was horrid.  The photos do not show how the actual color turned out. Instead of being a vibrant, neon pink, it was a beachy coral that was dull.  It made my fingers look like they belonged to an 8-year-old Black Eyed Peas fan with a blankee in tow.

F Fergie and her Wet'n'Wild ways!

F Fergie and her Wet’n’Wild ways!

Don't buy.

Don’t buy unless you want a mani that belongs to a prepubescent girl.

Upon application, I added the sparkly top coat to see if it would make any difference.  And it did. I looked like I was a kindergartener that just applied a birthday manicure. Needless to say, I hated the outcome, the product and now realize why I stopped buying Wet’n’Wild nail polish so long ago. Lesson learned. AGAIN.

Because I do my nails Sunday nights, I slept on it, thinking I’d feel better about it in the morning. Nope. Loathed the color and Fergie all the more – especially since I was having to paint my nails twice in two days.

Here’s what Ted and I did last night…

Better. Pawsitively.

Pawsitively better.

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Sally Hansen HARD as NAILS Xtreme Wear in Black Out (370) and White On (300).

finger lickin' good

Finger lickin’ good.

Upon completion, we snuggled up in our blankee (hey, I didn’t say I didn’t have one – I just don’t whine about it in song), drank wine and literally watched paint dry for the second night in a row.

Lucky us!

CBXB

CBXB!

Love at First Bite

Sis made the mistake of smelling

Yeah, it’s that good.

My Australian blogging buddy, Baz over at The Landy has often posted about his love for Vegemite (which apparently is a national treasure Down Under) which piqued my curiosity as I’d never heard of the product. Because Baz and his family rock, they sent me a package of Vegemite and Bundaberg rum (think Baz knows me well or what? I could NOT wait to tear into the rum which was quite delicious, giving my Captain a run for its money).

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Welcome to America!

Baz cautioned that you put a very thin layer of Vegemite on a piece of toast or cracker – and also mentioned that this Australian potion was a fantastic hangover cure (again, knows me well!).

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The prep.

I recruited my extremely hesitant (we’re Midwestern and into bland food!) sister into being a taste tester alongside moi (she made the mistake of smelling the Vegemite first, therefore causing her to drag her feet all the more).

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If you want to up the ante, link arms to make shoveling food into your mouth more difficult.

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I jumped right in with a bite –  Sis tried a nibble.

And while I savored the taste, she was underwhelmed with the salty concoction.

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So you love it?

I meant to give Vegemite two thumbs up but only mustered a pointer finger (blonde moment), while trying to explain why I truly liked the Australian delicacy.

love at first bite

Finger up!

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American sisters, split decision on Australia’s tasty spread.

I’ve been living on my Vegemite every Saturday and Sunday morning since … it is quite the cure!

CBXB

CBXB!