Weekend Winks – Oh Say Can You See

Patriotic Trio

Patriotic Trio

The Fourth of July holiday weekend took me out of Nashville and on a road trip. Much to my dismay, a stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken was part of my journey.

Did you know that KFC proudly serves buffet style?

Buffet of Germs

Menu from my own personal hell.

I opted for anything that didn’t require being served from the dishes and serving utensils surely manhandled by 1,437 people before me. So I got a boxed meal to go, which made me get creative in the bathroom as I didn’t want to set it down on the floor, baby changing station, counter top or any other space that looked as if it hadn’t been disinfected since 1999.

Road trip germ avoider

Thank God for my thighs of KFC steel.

Holiday attire is a big must in my book and I was beyond delighted to find mini top hats awaiting my arrival.

Attire

Red, white and sparkly headband? Yes please!

As I was taking fancy up a notch, my dad was busy being the “King of Awesomeness” (who made him this pin? WHO?!) which I assume is a button he will never, ever, ever forget to put on any shirt he wears for the rest of his life.

Tennessee attire

Tennessee Fourth of July attire.

What about those chubby cheeked twins I adore so in Iowa? They, too, were decked out in their finest holiday threads just like Auntie CBXB.

Iowa attire

Cutest little shits I know.

I was asked to jump on stage and sing with a band that’s been celebrating with Fourth of July shows for the last 20 years.

Flew in to sing Stage it.

They flew me in on this plane for the performance. I kid. But that is the stage.

In preparation, my Miami Mini Me helped calm my nerves as she kept a countdown as to how many songs were left before my big debut.

My Miami Mini Me pumping me up before the performance.

MMM not really calming my nerves.

While MMM was tallying up the minutes before I took the stage, I prepped with mouth exercises to ensure I would be able to get all of my words out.

Worked my mouth out before singing.

A classy lady and an ass.

Wondering how excited everyone else was for the big performance?

One of my tens of fans headed out to the car without announcing his departure.

Unassuming vehicle.

Unassuming vehicle.

He was overly eager with anticipation to my performance and needed to nap it off.

Biggest fan awaiting my performance. Which he slept through.

Biggest fan awaiting my performance. Which he slept through.

Sing

Snoozefest 2014.

After my debut, we were able to really let our hair down and party.

Not only did we partake in cocktails but we also practiced one of my fave pastimes.

Photo-bombing.

Celebratory photo bombs!

Celebratory photo bombs!

Check the back.

We’re the strangers in the waaay back who then asked the strangers in the front row to text us the photo. We’re classy like that.

Not to be outdone, my dad had to get in on the photo-bombing action, even if it was mocked up for him.

And not to be outdone...

Dad was only successful with help from the always fabulous @WanderinPoet.

What else does a holiday weekend entail?

An omelet party, featuring Bloody Marys and mimosas.

Omelet bar greeted me after my big show. Well, the e ntire neighborhood but one cna dream.

Not too shabby.

A parade in which I used a Fourth of July decoration as my own personal scepter.

Parades to participate in.

Happy Independence Day from my self-appointed Royal Highness.

A magnum of wine that had to be consumed.

Magnums of wine to guzzle

Somebody had to do it…

And passing out naps on concrete retaining walls.

Forced me to sleep.

Singing, eating, drinking, drinking and drinking can really tire you out.

Not to leave me hanging, MMM decided to get a little shut-eye after all of the events as well.

Mini Me following in my sleepy footsteps.

Following in my sleepy footsteps.

On the way back to Nashville, I rode next to Bret Michaels the entire way.

Drove all the way home next to BM. By the way hat does he know about an RV?!

Why does a rockstar rock RVs?

I was welcomed back to Music City by a fabulous care package from my gal pal and fellow blogger Lisa Johnson Sawyer.

Avon Lady!

Avon Lady @LisaCharlene5 spoiled me!

Box full of happiness!

Box full of happiness!

Wanna know what else was full of happiness upon my return home?

Girl talk with my fave pussy.

This gray little pussy of mine.

Here’s hoping you’re fully recovered from your Fourth of July holiday weekend…I’m not.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

The Bomb

I’ve never met a photo I couldn’t bomb.

Being that this is one of my sparkling qualities and photo bombing is a dying art, I take great care in honing this skill down to perfection.

Want a nice selfie for a LinkedIn profile photo?

Boom

Not happening.

Or perhaps a profile pic for Facebook?

Bomb

Fail.

Or maybe a cute selfie for Twitter?

Bomb

Wide mouth human stealing your thunder.

How about capturing a moment with a friend you see never?

Bomb

I’m there to ruin it.

Want to commemorate a celebration, hoping to get a pic good enough to frame?

Bomb

Three’s a crowd.

Or maybe you wanted to document the time a friend had swine flu and got to wear a face mask to a wedding.

Bomb

Too bad. I needed to jump in and deliver a single Dorito.

It’s impossible to snap a pic of you enjoying a sunny Nashville day with me around.

Bomb

Can you see me?

Bomb

Can you see me now?

Bomb

NOW can you see me?

On a girls trip and want one goddamn picture without me in it?

Bomb

Too bad.

Bomb

Still here.

A sweet photo of a couple can be all kinds of ruined by my ability to be a complete jackass.

Bomb

Romance ruiner.

Trying to capture the lovely lamp you admire and would like to remember?

Bomb

You get me with jazz hands instead.

Want a photo with your two raven haired, gorgeous daughters for a Christmas card?

image-28

Think you spot a famous person in Nashville and try to covertly whip your camera phone out?

Bomb

Made ya giggle. And shake the camera. But at least you got my mug.

I also have the ability to photo bomb famous guitar players.

Bomb

Poor Richie Sambora striking a rock star pose that I immediately thwarted.

Taking a shine to my innate ability to make a complete ass clown of myself, one of my blogging and Twitter besties, @WanderinPoet has created a webisode featuring yours truly entitled #TheBomb on Twitter.

As you can see by the first two episodes, my knack for being able to ruin a photo is still going strong…

1 ~ Bill Clinton

photo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come join on the photo bombing fun with @WanderinPoet.

Next time you’re prepping for a pic, peek over your shoulder to be sure I’m not hovering…

CBXB

CBXB!

What Happens in Vegas Gets Posted on a Blog

Finally recuperated enough to reminisce about my first trip to Vegas last weekend, I thought it’d only be fair to share shenanigans with you…

Holy shit!

This drink was free! I love this place!

Some of my gal pals were smart and rested up on the four-hour plane ride to Vegas…

Rest up

Visions of jackpots danced in their heads.

While my seat mate and I were busy hoarding every ounce of liquor possible to get a head start on fun.

oopsie

We’re the smart ones, yes?!

We're heeeeere!

We’re heeeeere!

Upon landing we gathered our luggage and headed to the MGM Grand Casino.

It's grand, yo!

It’s grand, yo!

Having our complimentary casino cocktails in hand, we stood in a corner people watching where we happened to run into snazzy looking gents on a bachelor party. First impressed by their suits, upon opening their mouths we swooned, as they were from England and had that accent. *Sigh* Once the fellas started talking to us, one of our extremely intelligent ladies asked, “Are you guys from British?”

Smart suits

I don’t care if you’re from British or not, just look at the camera so I can capture this Kodak moment.

After the bachelor party carried onto do whatever it is bachelor parties do in Vegas (does one really have to wonder?), I got busy doing what I do best.

Photo bombing.

Very

Oh, you wanted a photo without yours truly? I don’t think so!

Very

This is a very hard hobby, but someone’s gotta ruin other people’s pics.

Very busy

Love what they’ve done with the background, don’t you?

While I was busy ass clowning around, our gal pal C Money went over to play some penny slots. And then this happened….

Jackpot!

Jackpot!

Just when you thought no one won on penny slots – BOOM! And, this was within the first three hours of our Vegas arrival.

Jackpot!

Celebrate we must.

After crawling into bed at 8am the following morning, it only made sense for me to sit my ass at the pool all day. While on my way to act like a beached whale,Β  I took the liberty of introducing myself to what could only be described as my soul mate…I mean, he made his own mirrored jacket.

Shiny soulmate

Shiny soul mates.

Deciding which pool to lounge around proved to be a tad difficult…

Lazy river

How do you choose between four pools?

Naturally, I went for the most quiet, relaxing spot in all of the MGM Grand pools.

So relaxing. Bumper floats.

So relaxing. Bumper floats.

In between naps, this gentleman asked our group to pretty please re-pierce his ears. We happily obliged.

Pierced!

You can just keep that hoop, Bra. Looks better on you anyhow.

While I did not gamble one cent away in Vegas, I still had some good juju going on. I scored a free ticket to the I Heart Radio Music Festival at the MGM Grand. For a split second I thought about scalping the ticket, as they were going for $480 but thought better of it, as this was a once in a lifetime experience.

I heart radio!

A free ticket with no strings attached? Yes please!

Keeping my liver well hydrated was my main focus on this trip. Thank God we packed the moonshine, as this helped wash away all of the hours of sleep I wasn’t giving to my body.

Touchdown!

Who needs sleep when you got moonshine?

Morphing into our best bad asses, we partied at the Hard Rock Casino with Motley Crue.

Crew at Motley Crue

Our crew at Crue.

Bad Ass 1 and 2

We know. We’re so bitchin’.

Hanging with rock stars Saturday night, called for some recovery time at the Hard Rock Casino pool – known as Rehab (which my mother nervously Googled when I told her I was headed to rehab).

Rehab

Again with the quiet, relaxing pool day.

Horsie head

What is more serene than hanging out with a new crew – one sporting a horse head? Nothing.

Being one of the last few escorted (surprised? I just didn’t want the party to end!) out of the pool after sundown, I headed to my room to find my own jackpot left for me by one of my girlfriends…

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Winner winner chicken dinner!

As I rounded up the aftermath of my Vegas trip and tried shoving it all in my suitcases, I knew that this city and I had just consummated the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Can't wait

I can’t wait to go back.

But it’s probably wise to give Las Vegas a breather before hitting it like a sparkly, loud, sleepless, sort-of-inebriated, photo bombing Tasmanian devil again.

NashVegas will have to do for now.

CBXB

CBXB!