How to Make an Ass of Yourself in Front of Ernest Hemingway

While in recently Key West, I HAD to go to visit the Ernest Hemingway house because I knew he was a fellow cat fanatic.  I’d always heard about his love (like love, love) of six-toed cats (often referred to as Hemingway cats but properly known as a polydactyl cat).

As soon as I stepped foot into his house, I knew this was a man after my own feline loving heart…quite possibly my soul mate who just happens to be six feet under (ugh, why couldn’t he be alive? He’d only be like 142 or something).

love!

Captain and Ted.

EH and one of his many loves

Ernie and one of his many loves.

Hemingway received his first six-toed white cat named Snowball from a Captain (um, does this sound like fate to anyone else?!) of a ship and the rest is history.

While the house was gorgeous…

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Yes, I could live here with cats galore (or just Teddy, as he’d prefer).

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A perfect upstairs wrap around porch from which His Majesty Mr. Bear could reign over the Kingdom .

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Teddy and I could throw one kick ass party here. Who wants to come? Cats welcome but none allowed in if they’re prettier than TB…he has a complex.

After EH winning me over with the gorgeous house, I was out on the hunt for some of the descendants of Snowball who still rule the roost here. I muscled my way up to the front in each room, ruining every other tourist’s photos and videos because … well, I’m a crazy cat lady. What can I say?

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Perfectly perched on the bar (definitely my kind of cats).

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Taking over the bed. All of it.

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Hanging in the gift shop. Cat not for sale if you were wondering (because I asked).

I was in some serious feline euphoria, getting ideas for what I should acquire for my own little furry love.

cat house

Once I showed Teddy this cat bar, he demanded I have one constructed for him.

Cat cocktail bar

One bowl for Ted, one bowl for me. I can’t let my bear cocktail alone now can I?!

Teddy was so pissed when he saw that there are actual cat mansions to live in…what kind of diva am I raising?!

Cat Hotel

The future Teddy Bear Manor (or so he thinks).

Everything was all fur and games and I was feeling warm and fuzzy…

Until this happened…

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Uh oh…

At first I thought this was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen (further confirming my love of EH).  Each sweet kitty soul has their own gravestone on the property. Which may seem sad to you but my icy heart was melting because this meant that a cat was loved, appreciated and truly cared for during their life here (and yes, I’m a shit show when it comes to cats – and well aware of it).

Kitty cat memorials

Kitty cat memorials.

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Memorial wall.

Once I saw the wall of names, I wondered (on accident) how many plaques I would need in a lifetime for my cats. WHAT DID I JUST LET ENTER MY MIND?!?! And then I got closer to this cross with two cats, which reminded me of the first furry love of my life, Nicodeamus and my living, breathing, sometimes way-to-bithcy but I love him anyway Teddy Bear.

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Gulp.

After this, all hell broke loose causing rivers of waterworks down my cheeks, snot running from my nose and no f’ing Kleenex in sight.

Crazy cat lady cry

Crazy cat lady cry.

I kept trying to use the inside shoulder material of the black dress I was wearing to stop the faucet my nose had become. I had the cries you get in a really sad movie, where you’re trying to be quiet but you can’t quite catch your breath and I was on this tour alone (cue the song “All By Myself”) when a stranger came up to me and said “Miss, are you OK?”

I wanted to respond with,”Are you shitting me? I’m standing in a mother fucking cat cemetery bawling. Alone. Over cats.” But instead I just said “I have bad allergies,” knowing that this person left my side understanding I was out of my cat loving mind.

At least Ernest wasn’t alive to see my embarrassing display. Only a mere 78 tourists got a front row seat to see me making an ass out of myself.

Can a cat lady get any crazier?!

CBXB

CBXB!