In Heaven There is No Beer…

It’s the most wonderful time of the year (aside from my birthday, Ted’s birthday, Christmas and the Iowa State Fair)!

IMG_7503

The white trash classiness that is my life continues as another season of college football kicks off this weekend!

My dad and I started a tradition a few years ago to celebrate every touchdown that our favorite college football team, the Iowa Hawkeyes, scored with a shot of moonshine (this way no matter what the outcome of the game, you can have fun – even if your team sucks – which is how this lovely tradition began. Unless they score nothing of course, and if that’s the case, get a new team).

First shot of the season.

First shot of the season feels so good!

Our freezer stash of Popcorn Sutton’s Tennessee White Whiskey is prepped and ready to go for the season opener.

Iced

Chic shenanigans await.

Problem is this year, Dada CBXB is heading up to see my fave duo on the planet as I type, so we’ll have to resort to our trashtacular tradition via Facetime, which we’ve already mastered in years past.

Miles schmiles.

Miles schmiles.

Being that the Hawks were 12-0 in the regular season last year, we hope our liver tolerance remains in tact for alcohol that makes chest hair grow whether you like it or not. While we’ll be celebrating apart, we have everything we need to round out the first college game day.

Double fisting at its finest.

Double fisting at its finest.

W-I-N.

Who’s with us?

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Red, White and Booze

Dreary skies didn’t keep the fun out of the Fourth of July holiday weekend in Nashville.  The crew and I were going to have a fabulous time – even if we had to enlist in the party patrol.

Patriotic party patrol.

Patriotic party on patrol.

Not everyone was in the spirit of celebrating. Prince B wasn’t sure what to think of his new headpiece as he paraded around his kitchen in Iowa.

Serious Statue of Liberty.

Serious Statue of Liberty.

While the real life sculpture was sulky, there was zero hesitation on my part whether or not to fete the weekend – no matter how shitty the weather. It was still hot enough for a boat ride accompanied with a bag of wine for classy, cooling off shenanigans.

Wine not?

This can also be used as a pillow if a party goer needs to pass out.

Between the over consumption of vino and the precarious monsoon-like weather, I kept refreshed in the lovely I-don’t-care-why-it’s-brown-because-I’ve-had-too-much-to-drink colored lake.

Cool down in the cool rain.

Cocktails helped keep my composure in the non-crystal clear lake.

Princess B had a much better (smarter, cleaner, safer) way of keeping her body temp in check by slurping on a slice of watermelon.

Keeping cool with water melon.

Star spangled smartie.

Not to be outdone by my niece, I threw on a matching outfit but sipped on something a bit more my speed.

Choosing another route.

Bringing the best out for a holiday.

Dada CBXB double fisted to stars and stripes forever as he downed a very American meal of … chips and salsa.

Double fisting cool down.

Red, white and brew baby.

Meanwhile I was policing my two pussies as they tried to create their own fireworks all weekend by demanding to drink out of the same dish at the same time, acting as if they had their sights set on the last nine ounces of water left on the planet.

Double up cool down

Party patrol on high alert.

Here’s hoping you find your own way to keep the blistery summer heat at bay.

Might I suggest something with booze?

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Holiday Prep

Oh how happy I am the holiday season is upon us and I have an excuse to drink straight from the bottle (because I’m so classy).

Holidays taste so good.

Holidays taste so good.

Packing up my rust bucket as snuggly as Santa’s sleigh, I hauled my Christmas decor back to my mini manse, excited to commence the sparkly gaudiness I like to call seasonal ornamentation.

Pack it up, pack it in.

Pack it up, pack it in.

Driver

No room for Rudolph in my sleigh.

Naturally my elves could hardly wait to lay down and take naps on my boxes of goodies as soon as I arrived home.

Inspector Gadgets 1 and 2.

Inspector Gadget #1 and #2.

Teddy sniffed and pawed every piece of shiny tinsel attached to my pink tree before allowing it to leave the box.

Nooks and crannies

King of the Christmas castle.

He also tried to end up electrocuted like the cat in Griswold Family Christmas but I was able to yank the lights away in the nick of time.

Griswold cat style

An almost fried pussy cat.

Careful not to lift a paw, my feline duo found the Christmas tree box the most relaxing venue on the planet while I assembled the tree.

Dicks in a box.

Dicks in a box.

And as soon as the pink lights glistened, positions were assumed. Being that this is New Cat’s very first holiday season with us, Ted was slightly perturbed to find that he has to share the tree. I was simply thrilled NC decided not to climb it.

Assumed positions

Pissy pussies having to share.

Morphing into an elf, I spent the rest of Friday evening trying to make my pad resemble the North Pole.

Work cut out for me...

As you can tell, I hate Christmas.

While I was busy channeling Santa, my Iowa twins were out and about in the newly fallen snow.

Snow

Snow bunnies.

On Saturday we had one final Nashville college football tailgate at my mini manse, cheering on our mediocre at best Iowa Hawkeyes.

Tailgate!

Last tailgating treats of the season.

Mr. Bear was so upset that this was the final viewing party that he promptly took a three-hour nap on his grandma’s lap.

Front row seat Best seat in the ouse

Best seat in the house.

Keeping our family tradition alive, my dad and I decided to drink straight from our moonshine bottles in lieu of shot glasses because our Hawkeyes lost yet another game.

Who needs glasses?

Moonshine makes losing less memorable.

By the end of the weekend, the flu found its way to my little Iowa bebes, who’ll hopefully be in recovery before Auntie CBXB gets her hands on them in a few days for Thanksgiving!

Double the sick

Double down with the sickness.

Here’s hoping you and yours stay healthy for a safe and happy holiday week!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Spanked

Losers Lane

Caution: losers ahead.

Friday started out simply fabulous with a chili cook-off at work. Being that I’m not much of a kitchen connoisseur, I opted to be a judge.

Chili

Eeny, meeny, miny….

Afterward it was time to go and prep for my dad’s birthday with assistance from my favorite pussy, of course.

Dad's birthday

What fun would wrapping be without a big fur ball in the way?

Meanwhile in Iowa, my twins were busy making their very first homemade pizza.

Pizza. Pizza.

Perfectly placing the sauce for Prince B.

Just. can't. wait.

While Princess B just. couldn’t. wait.

And the reactions to the ooey gooey goodness were cheesier than the cheese on their pizzas.

Cheeser.

Happy pizza lover.

Not only was Saturday my dad’s birthday, it was also an Iowa Hawkeye game day.  My dad was so excited, he grew black and yellow hair overnight.

Jazz hands for celebrating and football

Two events in one day calls for jazz hands.

Birthday bonanza

Birthday bonanza spread.

Being that my Hawks won big last week, I expected no less this week as Iowa scored first and we happily stuck to our moonshine touchdown tradition.

Shot #1 was the only one done.

Who knew we’d basically be one and done?

Little did we know, those seven points would be the only time Iowa would touch the scoreboard until the end very of the game. So to make things more interesting while watching our team get spanked, we celebrated a birthday…

Stud's birthday

Double fisting gifts.

….we stuffed our faces with my dad’s self proclaimed “best batch of ribs ever”….

Best batch ever.

They tasted as good as they looked.

… I whipped out the Whopper pie I make every year in honor of Dad growing one year older…

One whopper of an annual pie.

My mix and freeze with ease pie.

… and we did sympathy/birthday/just because shots, as losing a game as badly as we did (14-51) to a mediocre team at best is no fun sober.

Sympathy shots

Another round of ‘shine, please!

While no sports fan wants to see their team to get their own asses handed to them, at least we were having some fun.

Loser Labe

Laughing losers.

Here’s hoping your week is off to a more winning start than mine.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

My Eye of the Tiger

Eye of the Tiger

Rising up, back on the couch

Did my time, ate my cat food

Cat Food

Went the distance, now I’m back for a nap

Just a cat and his will to survive

Cat Nap

So many times, it happens too fast

I trade my snoozin’ for eating

Nap?

Meowing my head off for a full bowl of food

I must fight just to keep my belly plump

Meowing

It’s the eye of the tiger

It’s the thrill of the my life

Eye

Rising up to the challenge of annoying my mama

And the last known survivor

Cry Baby

Cries for food late at night

Just to interrupt my mom’s beauty sleep…

’cause I’m a tiger.

Tiger

Face to face, comfy in A/C

Acting tough, always hungry

Face to Face

Staring Mom down ’til I get what I want

From a cat with mad skills to survive

Stare Down

It’s the eye of the tiger

It’s the thrill of my life

Eyed

Rising up to the challenge of driving mama to drink,

Forgetting that she already fed me

Drowning....

And I’ll eat to my furry heart’s delight….

‘Cause I think I’m a tiger.

Eye of the Tiger

I’ve got the eye of the tiger…

And have my ma right where I want her…

CBXB

CBXB!