It’s the Liebs, not the Biebs.

That’s right, I’m not talking Justin Bieber I’m talking a Blogster Liebster!

The oh-so-fabulous D-Anna at Style Salvation  and granted sparkly ol’ me with the Liebster Blog Award.  A grand gesture of kindness and by accepting, I must relay five random facts about myself, as well as answering five questions D-Anna has asked yours truly.

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Random things by Cowboys and Crossbones…

1) My favorite movie of all time is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  My family (we’re so classy!) watches it every year during the holidays and it’s a tradition I anticipate right up there with Santa’s big night.

I mean, what family doesn’t have their very own cousin Eddie?

I love the movie so much that last year, I hosted a Griswolds (hence the Grizzie category on my blog) Family Christmas party.

This is my version of a crying Clark while he’s stuck in the attic and his arch nemesis of a neighbor, Margo.

And speaking of crying, I rarely cry. But when I do – I only have one kind…the ugly cry. The hot mess kind of cry. The what the hell is wrong with her kind of cry.  Once I start, I can’t stop.

Think I need to invest in waterproof mascara?

I have no recollection as to why I was being such a bawl baby, I simply remember how freaking hilarious I looked when I finally stopped long enough to look in a mirror. And of course, had to document the situation. You’re welcome.

3) I am really good at shotgunning a beer (even though I am not supposed to have beer with gluten intolerance issues but I can never refuse a challenge).

Once again beating my cousin Tballs in the annual chugging contest. Classy, I know.

4) One of my favorite Nashville pastimes is honky tonkin’ on Broadway. Robert’s Western World is home of two of the best Nashville bands you can see for free – The Don Kelley Band and the Chris Casello Trio. At Robert’s there is never a cover charge, always a fun crowd and they even feature a Recession Special on the menu – a fried bologna sandwich, chips, a moon pie AND a Pabst Blue Ribbon for $5.

Dancing circles around my dad at Robert’s.

5) Lipstick is the last thing I apply before any show.

Applying the reddest red before a show at the 40 Watt club in Athens, Georgia.

Questions from my nominator, D-Anna:

1. What is your favorite clothing item?

Jeans. Typically tight, as my Gma likes to always point out.

2.  What one thing would make your life better?

A little bit larger mini-manse.

3.  What is your dream job?

Rockstar!

4. What is the quote that best resonates with you?

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

5. If you could steal one person’s style, who would it be?

Gwen Stefani

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And now for my passing on the Liebs torch to five very deserving blogs. Drum roll, please….

the lady and the beard

tracy lee karner

misseychelles

celiac and allergy adventures

alyson on the run

The skinny of the rules: The person nominated must answer the 5 questions given by the person who nominated them AND tell 5 random facts about yourself. Then, nominate 5 blogs with under 200 followers, make sure to tell them you nominated them.  Ask the people you nominate 5 questions of your own.

Questions for the CBXB nominees:

1. What is your favorite color and why?

2.  What is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you?

3.  What is your dream job?

4. What is your favorite time of the day?

5. What is the first thing you would you do if you won the lottery?

And last but not least, don’t forget that it’s the last day to enter for this fabulous deer head!

Passin’ on the Liebster fever!

CBXB

Go Ahead. Make My Day.

Stop. Or I’ll shoot (because now I know how to handle a gun)!

I may not hit you. The bullet might nick your ear or rustle the hair on the side of your head and that’s OK…I just really want to scare the living shit out of you (well not you, actually).

My real live stuffed animal Ted and I live happily together in a cozy duplex (I lovingly refer to as my mini-manse).  So when someone started messing around with my surroundings I wasn’t so much scared as I was territorial. And extremely pissed off.

Little mysterious happenstances occurred…it wasn’t that someone was harassing me outright but just enough to make me take notice (window locks broken), enough to let me know they were around (a pile of cigarette butts by my car door in the morning that weren’t there the night before), enough to get some sort of security…enough to get my ass a gun.

A .38 special revolver lent to me (living in the gun happy South, many folks own more than one). The pink grip was a birthday gift from my firearm lovin’ buddy Chris (and yes, it can be changed back to black).

Upon acquiring a loaded firearm, I was feeling much more secure. So while I felt at ease, I had never shot a gun. Not even a bb gun (I couldn’t even make cool gun sounds – a capability all boys seem to be born –  with when I was a kid).  Maybe it would be a good idea to know how to handle the gun so as not to accidentally point and shoot at shadows, possibly hitting myself in my foot (which would be tragic, as I love my heels).

Sharing my need to obtain skills, my buddy found a ‘ladies shoot free’ day at a gun range near work.  So over lunch (only in the South would you be able to shoot guns over your lunch hour…how red neck of me…but let’s not forget I’m already fabulously trashy (see anything in my Grizzie category), therefore, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think) we headed to the range.

We arrived to a grimy, dingy, seedy (get the picture?) building, complete with bars on the windows.  After signing in, we received our ear (which look just like fancy headphones but sucked because they were communal. Yuck) and eye (snazzy yellow-tinted glasses) protection and headed downstairs.

Prior to actually shooting a gun, I was feeling very bad ass. Like a big, dorky, bad ass with kick ass accessories.

The first few times I pulled the trigger I was startled not only due to the loudness of a shot but also due to the ricocheting casings that flew off the ceiling, coming back to bite me on the head (insert screams – at first I thought they were bullets – how blonde of me).

Focused on trying to hit the target…anywhere.

My trigger finger is apparently the weakest link on my body (why the hell does this look so easy on TV shows?) because I was having to use two fingers after about 5 shots (insert excuses as to why my bullets were hitting the floor and ceiling instead of the target).

Did I really hit it? Or is that just a black spec?

Hells yes I hit it! And then almost shot my gunpanion in all of my excitement.

While taking a break from my cockiness of mediocre shooting ability, (and resting my throbbing hand and aching finger) I was able to pose for one more threatening picture:

Stop! Or I’ll shoot…if I don’t giggle you to death first (way too much red neck fun at the gun range…maybe I do have a little Southern blood in my veins).

And now for the grand tamale of my White Trash Wednesday (I know, I know, how can I possibly top a lunch break at the gun range?)… I decided to display my moderate (but in my mind kick ass) abilities and scare the bejesus out of anyone lurking around my duplex.

A poor girl’s security alarm. Scared, aren’t you?

Who wouldn’t be terrified upon seeing a target with actual bullet holes hanging on a front door (no one has to know I took aim 12,346 times to achieve the 22 bullet holes actually making contact with the paper). But since my security guard has hung on my front door, no mysterious incidents have occurred around my place…maybe they’re scared of a red neckish, unabashedly trashy girl with a gun.

So go ahead, make my day.

CBXB

Pretty Pile of…

I’m sharing another piece of my cheap ‘art’ in the form of a framed greeting card.

Tough times call for comic relief.  My sister sent me this card and you would have thought I designed it myself – complete with yellow glitter background, pink sparkly flower and cocky saying on the front.

Here’s hoping for flowers (no matter how they grow).

Frame, $9.99. Target. Card, gift. Priceless.

Because I love this piece of treasured art so much (and because I’m oh so classy), I found it a home on my desk at work. I couldn’t determine whether to put it in my bathroom at home or take it to display at my place of employment (thank God not all decisions are so brutal). But I already have the sparkly deer head mounted in my bathroom (see The Deer Hunter, Sparkly Style) and didn’t want household guests to think they were in Rainbow Brite’s port-a-potty.

I keep thinking that the budding flower on the card just might start winding its way out of its pile of shit and grow toward me. Here’s hoping!

CBXB

SUCK IT.

Ever wanted to tell the world to suck it? Like when you’re broke and your phone gets run over by a truck?

Pinot helps take phone travesties a tad better…

If feeling like you might be up against a giant, into depths as deep as the Grand Canyon or preparing to drive yourself to meet the horned man himself (which would be much easier and probably a lot less painful), it’s nice to know that misery really does love company. I found the book Screw Calm and Get Angry while cashing in on a Barnes and Noble gift card and considering my current state in life, it’s one of the best purchases I’ve made – with prickly quotes such as;

“If we see light at the end of the tunnel, it is the light of the oncoming train.” Robert Lowell.

I think this man may be my soul mate.

Screw Calm and Get Angry published by the Ebury Press for Andrews McMeel Publishing. Barnes and Noble. $8.99. Go get it. NOW!