Seductive Skinny Spaghetti

Looking to wow the pants off your Valentine while not feeling like a beached whale?

Avoid the bloated feeling that accompanies over consumption of traditional pasta by substituting noodles with spaghetti squash.  Yes, I said substitute pasta with a vegetable.

I thought this was a ridiculous idea until I tried it (as I was looking for ways to keep my skinny jeans buttoned) and realized that I could do without the over processed ingredient .

Skinny Sketti

Here’s what you’ll need:

  • One Spaghetti squash – I had to ask where the hell they were located at my grocery
  • Choice of meat (if desired)
  • Your favorite Italian sauce (I use canned – but low sodium!)
  • Choice of cheese (if your heart beats for dairy like mine does.)
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This is what the vegetable I had no idea existed looks like.

Prep:

  • Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
  • Microwave the squash for about a minute.  This will make it loads easier to cut and save your hand strength for opening that tightly sealed jar of sauce (that I have to ask the grocery clerk to open for me before I leave the damn store because I have zero hand strength).
  • Cut the substitution spaghetti lengthwise.

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  • Once cut, scoop the seeds out of the middle .
fork or spoon

If you forget this step (as I ALWAYS do) you can remove after cooking – no worries.

Slippery Sucker

Be sure to hold on tight because squash are slippery little suckers.

  • Once seeds have been removed, place halves on a cooking sheet.
  • Bake for 45 minutes to an hour, depending on the size of your gourd.

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  • Cool for a few minutes and use a fork to create noodles.

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  • Place your ‘spaghetti noodles’ in a bowl.

Spaghetti Sizzle

  • While your sketti is baking start on the non-strenuous sauce by pouring it in a pan and adding your choice of veggies and/or meats.
Free Bird

Typically, I add FreeBird chicken breast strips that can be found at Whole Foods (low in sodium and calories).

  • Mix sauce and cooked meat, bring to a boil.

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Once complete, serve immediately with or without cheese.

Voila!

Due to the non-pasta spaghetti, I treat myself with a handful of mozzarella on top.

This cheesy version of sexy spaghetti will cost $10 (more or less depending on the meat), is gluten-free and has about 260 calories, 20 carbs and 11 grams of sugar overall per serving.

Just might wow the pants off of your Valentine!

Use reduced fat cheese to keep it on the ‘skinny’ side.

Now get out there in all your skinny glory and seduce someone.

CBXB

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Pigskin Sushi

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

There’s nothing my family does better than snack and celebrate, so with the college football season kick-off this weekend, we already have our game faces on with what appetizers to draft for our game day spread. And there’s no fumbling when it comes to making one of our finest treats, Pigskin Sushi.

Cheers to football season finally being here!

A big moonshine cheers to football season finally being here!

This non-threatening Midwestern version of sushi is a crowd pleasing hit at any tailgate whether you’re cheering for your fave college team….

On Iowa!

Yes, the Big Ten is a conference in college football.

…or you’re trying to impress fellow NFL fans.

Titan Up!

And yes, the Tennessee Titans still have fans even after dismal seasons.

This is my trashy version of sushi that requires three ingredients, five minutes of prep and dirties no dishes (perfect for kitchen lovers like me).

Ingredients:

Ingredients

Baby dill pickles, one block of cream cheese and thick-sliced, cooked ham. Total cost – $7.00.

Remove one piece of the cooked ham and place on a paper towel.

Spread room temperature cream cheese over the ham.

Rollin'

Place dill pickle at one end of the ham and roll up.

Slice

Slice the pickle-in-a-blanket to your desired size.

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

And voila! White trash sushi.

This low carb, gluten-free delicatessen will stand out among the typical tailgating treats.

hit it

A bright beacon of shining food among traditional football snacks.

And not only is Pigskin Sushi cheap and easy (no I’m not referring to myself), it washes down with any cocktail you choose on game day.

Skinny Pirates for the Hawkeye.

Skinny Pirates for this Hawkeye.

In my book, that’s a touchdown!

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How to Make One Whopper of a Pie

Applause

Wouldn’t this be fun to throw in someone’s face? Come a little closer, please.

No good at following recipes?

Don’t know how to turn your oven on?

Here’s a quick, easy, no bake pie to put your mad kitchen skills to work and impress folks with a Whopper Pie.

whopper

Impressive, yes?

You need a whopping four ingredients to concoct this masterpiece.

whoppers

  • One store-bought graham cracker crust
  • One carton of whipped cream
  • 1/2 carton of vanilla ice cream
  • 2 boxes of Whoppers

Start by putting all but about 20 Whoppers into a ziploc bag and crush.

beat

Ball bustin’.

I happen to have some sort of kitchen tool that mimics a hammer (I don’t know how in the hell it ended up in my utensil drawer but weirder things have happened…I think).

smooth

If you have one of these things, be sure you use the smooth side.

Nope

Not the prickly side. Trust me.

In a bowl, combine 1/2 of the carton of ice cream and the entire tub of whipped cream. Stir until smooth (took me and my tiny muscles about one minute to accomplish this).

mix

Add the crushed Whoppers to the creamy mix and stir until well combined.

Heaven

Pour your masterpiece into the graham cracker crust (and squeal with delight when you realize you’ll have left over ice cream mix).

Pour

Be sure to save the empty whipped cream carton so you have somewhere to store the left over whipped Whopper ice cream you just made.

Save some for you!

Again, trust me. You want to do this.

Top the pie with the remaining Whoppers, carefully walk (I speak from experience) to your freezer and let sit for about two hours before serving.

Tah Dah!

Tah Dah!

Then of course, reap all of the accolades thrown your way once you present the Whopper Pie.

PARTY HIT

I slaved over this pie. For 13 minutes.

Be the hit of your next gathering for about $8.00.

A big whopper of a welcome to you!

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Bewitching Breakfast Burritos

Finding myself with a last-minute invitation to a Tennessee Titans tailgate turned into a horror show more quickly than anticipated, as I was under prepared in my own personal grocery department. And you can’t show up to a party empty-handed now, can you?

While rummaging through the fridge, freezer and pantry (which typically house condiments, vodka and expired cereal) I came up with a solution to my meager problem when I spied non-molded corn tortillas.

Which resulted in a first time attempt at breakfast burritos…

Tailgating tasties at their finest.

Early game day tailgating tasties at their finest.

Here’s what I found (and what you’ll need) to concoct a similar potion…

  • Whatever kind of meat you find in your freezer (I ran into a half package of sausage)
  • Green pepper (if you have one…I have no idea how the F one found its way into my fridge)
  • Five non-expired eggs (plus a bit of milk if you have it or you can use water)
  • Shredded cheese (leftover from last year’s chili. I’m kidding…kind of)
  • Tortillas
Fry the sausage separately.

Start by frying your choice of meat.

Peppers

In a separate skillet, saute the green peppers.

Add the egg mixture

Mix the eggs with about 1/4 cup of milk and add to the peppers.

Add the sausage to the mix.

Add the sausage to the mix.

 And then the cheese.

Once the eggs are almost set, top with shredded cheese.

Pick your poison. Personally, I'd reach for the skull....

Scoop the mix onto tortillas. Roll. Then devour.

Of course, I also had the ingredients for Jell-O shots which made me one popular tailgater. I mean, what washes a bewitching breakfast burrito down the hatch better than vodka and gelatin? Nothing.

What washes a bfast burrito down?

BOOzin’ it up spooky style.

You know I like to keep it classy.

Cheers!

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Pigskin Style Sushi

Are you a lazy cook (like yours truly) who can barely get off your ass to pour yourself a bowl of cereal? When invited to a party, do you always offer to bring chips, a carton of dip and a veggie platter because no cooking is involved?

Allow me to introduce you to Pigskin Sushi (at least that’s what my fam calls it, as we make it for almost every tailgate we attend). What’s not to love about an affordable, three ingredient, five-minute, dirty-no-dishes delicatessen that even you can whip together and party goers will devour?

Pigskin sushi

This non-conventional sushi is always a crowd pleaser.

You will need:

Dill pickles, one block of cream cheese and thick-sliced, cooked ham.  Total cost – $7.00.

Directions:

Place a paper towel under the slice of ham (this will absorb some of the moisture due to packaging) and spread cream cheese over it.

You can use light and/or whipped cream cheese, just be sure it’s at room temperature for easy spreading.

Next roll a pickle up in the cheesy slice of ham.

Baby dill pickles work best in the simple recipe.

Then cut the pickle-in-a-blanket to your desired size.

Once you’ve sliced, you’re done. Seriously.

Place on a platter and watch folks curiously gander at the pickles on a plate for a minute (seriously, people will act like they may be above a pickle wrapped in cream cheese and ham but once they have one, it’s game over).

A plateful of Pigskin Sushi won’t last long.

This snack was such a hit at the last tailgate, we made another batch of the low carb, gluten-free delicatessen for the second half of the game and still had no left overs.

Touchdown!

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Weekend Winks – Hawkstar Style

Is there anything better than a weekend filled with football, booze and sun?

Friday night called for some leopard kicks and a lot (accidentally) of cocktailing.

Party Patio

A bit of teetering and tottering in these bad boys lead to a leisurely Saturday.

What kind of fan would I be without sporting my team’s attire? I threw on one of my fave Iowa Hawkeye t-shirts from Victoria’s Secret PINK line on Saturday as I prepared for a tailgate (well, really an ‘ingate’ as we don’t really go outside).

Hawkstar

That’s right. I party like a Hawkstar.

Ted could have cared less about all of the pre-game prep Saturday afternoon.

Can't be bothered

Why do I spend money on cute beds for Ted when he prefers a plastic Target bag?

Being that I was in deep recovery from Friday night, I wore my prescription sunglasses all day, forgetting they were on as I went on a football food run.

Yep. I'm somebody in the spaghetti aisle.

Yep. I’m somebody in the spaghetti aisle. An asshole wearing sunglasses inside as a matter of fact.

The trashy touchdown tradition ingredients sat on the counter calling our name, waiting for points to be thrown up on the Hawk’s scoreboard.

Moonshine primed and ready to go for TDs.

C’mon touchdowns!

Tedstar, still underwhelmed at the pre-party, stayed snuggled down with his plastic.

Yay

He loves football. No, seriously.

Not even the sight and smell of the tailgating treats could muster The Bear up from his slumber.

Tailgating spread.

The spread…including the my blogfamous Shit Dip (click here for recipe).

But my little kit cat could not get enough of his Grammie’s new hair product as he sniffed and sniffed and sniffed his way up one side of her head and down the other as we watched the game.

You smell so...well, let me smell you again. And again.

You smell so…well, let me smell you again. And again.

With a Hawkeye win of 27-21, we were feeling pretty foxy with all that moonshine pumping through our veins. That evening while asleep, I had visions of the 3.1 Phillip Lim for Target (the store is my mothership) collection dancing in my head (did anyone score anything yesterday before it sold out?).

As I sauntered to my mothership Sunday morning, I was happy to know that the love of the store has been instilled in my niece and nephew up in Iowa.

Instilling the love in my niece and nephew.

First trip to Target! Starting the red bullseye love early for B & B.

After all of the lost brain cells over the weekend, the only thing I could do was sit my ass by the pool one more time this season and watch the sun go down.

Sunday sundown.

Sunday sundown.

Here’s hoping you have a fabulous week!

CBXB

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Skinny Salad

I leave for Key West in three weeks. Therefore, I feel the need to shed the extra winter pounds I gain every year when I go into hibernation (and somehow get glowing, tan skin without having to burn myself in a tanning bed so as not to blend in with the clouds as I frolic on the beach).

I was just introduced to this salad from a pseudo paleo (this salad includes cheese) diet follower and was impressed enough to recreate on my own.

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Greens are good for you – but still I wish this was a plate full of french fries, I’m not gonna lie.

Here’s what you’ll need…

Olive oil

Red wine vinegar

Greens of your choice

Salt and pepper to taste

Shaved or shredded parmesan cheese

Any other veggie that you fancy – I’m just plain Jane girl and keep it simple (I also don’t like to dirty anymore dishes than I have to, as I don’t have a dishwasher. Lazy party of one!).

Protein of your choice (again, I’m too lazy).

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Holy healthy ingredients! Not a typical site in my kitchen.

Simply combine 1/4 cup of olive oil and two tablespoons of the red wine vinegar (you can add more or less to your liking).  Add a generous amount of pepper to the mix and then a sprinkle of salt.

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Who knew you could make your own salad dressing? Not this blonde.

Once I prepped the salad in all of five minutes, Ted came racing into the kitchen announcing his presence and needing to see what the hell I was doing in there (as I never do much of anything but pour cocktails in the kitchen).

tried...

No fish? No thanks!

This gluten-free, guilt free, low carb, low-cost (once you have the ingredients, you just need to buy greens) salad will have you coming back for more. Cats? Not so much.

Now here’s hoping I don’t get too sick of this salad I’m calling supper for the next few weeks. Cross your fingers for me (and my pasty white non-bathing suit ready ass) as I pair this salad with a fat glass of pinot grigio (wine really helps extra LBs melt off your hips, right?!)

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