Spectacular Shit Dip

Don’t let the name fool you. This dip is divine.

I’m prone to easy, simple, don’t dirty-too-many-dishes recipes (plus I don’t have a love deep in my heart for cooking – wish I felt the same about eating).  With tailgating season here and holiday party time right around the corner, I’m revisiting one of my favorite, effortless, wallet friendly, minimal ingredient snack foods (thanks for the reminder, Podunk!).

A little shit dip goes a long way.

This recipe comes from my gal pal Katie B. She didn’t give this tasty dip its moniker…I did, the day after I practically ate an entire bowl of it single-handedly at a party which in turn, left me feeling very cleansed the next day.

My favorite part about this dip (aside from being so tasty) is you can make it via the microwave.

Here are the whopping four ingredients you’ll need:

1 stick butter

1 block cream cheese

2 cans white shoe peg corn (it’s basically sweet corn – I had to Google it since I’m a regular Betty Crocker and all)

10 chopped jalapeno rings (more or less depending on your preference)

Tortilla chips

Ingredients for the cleansing dip all purchased at Target (where else?) for a grand total of $4.06. Add the $2 for a bag of cheap tortilla chips and you’re set for $6. My kind of treat!

Directions:

In a microwave safe bowl (and one big enough to eventually hold two cans of corn) melt the stick of butter, then add the block of cream cheese. Nuke for about a minute or so and then add the 2 cans of corn (if you add the corn too early, it gets chewy). Add the jalapenos, heat to desired temperature and serve immediately.

That’s it!

This dip will have your bathroom bumpin’.

Go ahead and wow ‘em with shit dip at your next tailgate – just remember to be prepared with an overabundance of toilet paper.

CBXB

Trashtacular Treasures

When living on a tight budget, it can be hard to spread the kind of gift lovin’ you wish…like on birthdays.

Often I get creative (in my mind) and hope my thoughtfulness doesn’t come across as a cheap, tacky “why in the F did you give this to me” gift.

I designed the cake below for a former boss and fabulous friend who always used to demand (I kid! I kid! But she doesn’t read this, so I can say what I want) Diet Cokes 14 times per day. Hence the choice of beverage here (of course, if I made one for myself, it would have bottles of wine on the bottom, Captain Morgan bottles in the middle, topped off with vodka – but we’re not talking about me, so I digress).

Perfect treat for a Diet Coke lover?

Here are the ‘ingredients’ for this cake…

1) Start with a 12 pack of the recipient’s favorite beverage (or beer/liquor if money is no object).

2) A fake silver platter (it really fancies up the look overall, yes?).

You can find this at a flea market or the Dollar Tree. And doubles as a pretty clear mirror.

3) Packing tape, duct tape and your choice of ribbon. (You could skip the duct tape but it really takes cake decorating to a whole new level).

To read about my obsession with duct tape, click here and here.

Start by arranging cans on the platter, secure with packing tape.

Continue tiering to desired height, making sure packing tape is all over the place (making it feel more like a gift, for sure).

This cake was going to a gal who loves black and white, hence the zebra print duct tape icing.

The $6 trashtacular tiered treat.

This was a perfect way for me to bake. No dirty dishes. No recipe ingredients or steps I couldn’t decipher. And all done in about 20 minutes.

If cake baking isn’t for you, become a jewelry designer (and if you’re lucky, an overnight sensation).

One of a kind piece.

Go to your local hardware store and purchase a plant chain (for around $2) and two plastic numbers (intended for the side of a house).  Small string, fishing line or wire will work to attach the number to the chain.

This priceless piece will cost you about $8 to concoct.

And voila! You’ll have one bewildered, amused (?) and possibly annoyed recipient!

Wearin’ 50 well!

And that’s how you, too, can give a tad on the trashy side gift and still buy groceries for the week (or in my case Teddy’s prescription cat food).

Happy Birthday!

CBXB

How to Get Drunk on Grapes

Cold winter nights have you guzzling your favorite wine, nestled under a blanket on the couch with your cat within arm’s reach? (Oh wait that’s me – but you could insert a dog, goldfish, pet bird or I guess even a kid).

Frozen, sugar coated vodka grapes will be just the surprise you need, as you fill with sadness at the last gulp of wine in your glass, finding an alcoholic treat awaiting your taste buds.

The perfect companion for the wino.

Step One:  Start by putting the fruit in a large bowl – poking a hole (or three to be sure to soak in every ounce of vodka possible) in each grape.

Step Two: Pour vodka over the batch of grapes.

Step Three: Cover and put in the fridge over night.

Step Four: Pour the remaining vodka out of the bowl and cover grapes with sugar.  Put in a large baggie and freeze for at least three hours.

Step Five: Put in desired serving dish.

Step Six (optional): Making it easier to construct a grape kabob for my wine glass, I inserted long, sparkly toothpicks into the serving dish.  You can skip this step entirely and just dump a few grapes into your chosen choice of vino (but of course I like pretty).

Mission accomplished!

And here’s a blonde moment from yours truly:

I felt awful wasting the vodka I poured out of the bowl once the grapes had chilled over night. With my typically useful brain (which at this moment was the size of a bird’s), I thought it would be genius to make vodka ice cubes!

These are super easy to make, too. Just pour vodka in cube trays, insert into the ice chest and wait for hell to freeze over (you would think that with all of my cocktailing experience, I would have the where-with-all to recognize the sheer stupidity of this exercise as alcohol never freezes. Ever. I even glanced at the bottle of Jaeger I had next to these f’ing trays as I slid them into the freezer).

Needless to say, the ‘ice cubes’ came out of the freezer the same way they went in.

Caution to recipe makers – don’t eat the vodka grapes while preparing or you may end up looking like an ass in front of yourself.

Cheers!

CBXB