How to Be Somebody

If you need a reminder of where you’re at on the food chain, try attending a fancy award show like I did for work last week.  Here’s a little tutorial in being somebody vs. anybody…

If you’re somebody, you get dropped off at the red carpet in a tricked out Chevrolet sponsored event car.

Lady Antebellum, being chauffeured to the red carpet entrance.

If you’re anybody else, you get to park two miles away, fending off a Chatty Cathy parking attendant (who also happens to be from Iowa and wants to talk your face off about it) and make your grand entrance on foot.

Finally making it to the red carpet – what did I miss?

If you’re somebody, you wait for the photographers to shout your name before appearing on the carpet.

Begging for the celebs.

Shawn Johnson, the retired Olympic gold medalist and Dancing With the Stars alum being cat called from the peanut gallery.

If you’re anybody else, you hide in this hallway while the star you’re accompanying soaks up the flash bulbs.

Where the star wranglers hunker down during red carpet photo moments. This hallway is directly behind the “stand and pose” photo wall.

Being somebody, you don’t need any announcement when you appear on the red carpet. Photographers and fans just know you and shout your name accordingly.

Lisa Marie Presley (yes, that Presley) needs no introductions (and yes, I was dying as I was snapping this photo).

When you’re anybody, your name appears in marker on a clipboard that is held up for the photographers just before you turn the corner to be photographed, ensuring people know who the hell you are.

Courtesy applause for the anybodies, please.

When you’re somebody and you’ve recently got caught stepping out on your wife, you go to the awards show with her anyway.

Jason Aldean and his very forgiving wife.

If you’re anybody else and everyone knows you’re a cheat, you stay at home and watch the awards from your couch in your pajama pants you haven’t taken off for three days, a stale beer and yesterday’s pizza, feeling very remorseful.

When you’re somebody, you know you look good and work it all the way up and down the red carpet.

Lady Antebellum’s Hillary Scott strikes a pose in a form fitted dress.

Shawn Johnson showcasing her guns (much admired by me) in a racer back gown.

Jake Owen pranced around in a leopard blazer that I wanted to rip off his shoulders and keep all to myself (therefore giving him a complex that I was stalking him because I literally took 12 pictures of him down the carpet due to his jacket).

When you’re anybody else, you blog about the perils of what to wear to work the award show.

Does this vest make me look like somebody or just anybody?!

When you’re somebody, you get interviewed live by TV stations.

Tim Allen being interviewed by Evan Farmer of CMT.

When you’re anybody else, you crouch down in the corner ninja-style, trying to stay out of the camera’s shot or you’ll be kicked off the carpet. The horror.

If you’re somebody, you have no problems finding a plus one to be your date.

Lisa Marie Presley with her hipster hubs make one handsome couple.

When you’re anybody else, you have to hang with all of the other people who are working the show.

Workin’ it with men in uniform. Poor me.

When you’re somebody, you perform on the massive stage.

2012 CMA Award show stage.

When you’re anybody else, you’re perfectly fine asking a stranger to take your picture in front of it.

Anybody want to take my picture?

When you’re somebody, your entourage follows you up on stage to get you gussied up before the live performance.

Hair, make up and wardrobe folks putting the final touches on Carrie Underwood before her performance.

If you’re anybody else,  you have to take pictures back stage to remember where the bathroom is located, so you can brush your hair and reapply lipstick.

Which way to the ladies?

When you’re somebody, you blow the roof off the joint, then head out to the after party.

Aided by the foggiest fog machine ever and blasting confetti, you would have thought it was New Year’s Eve during Carrie Underwood’s performance.

When you’re just anybody, you get to go and walk the empty red carpet before tearing it down.

Long walk to fame…

And then pose just like anybody else while no one calls your name.

Anybody gonna holla at me? Anybody?

It’s rough trying to be anybody! Wish somebody would have told me.

CBXB

CBXB!

Redneck Red Carpet

While I was all in a tizzy about what to wear to work the Country Music Association Awards last Thursday night, I should have been charging my phone because it unfortunately died due to me acting like I was a member of the paparazzi.

Walking up to the red carpet area, I was overly excited at the first classy thing I saw – a freaking hot dog cart.

Do you think they sell hot dogs at the Academy Awards red carpet or is it just a country staple?

I arrived at 3pm – the same time all of the D list stars were being dropped at the red carpet entrance.

The girl in the cream coat almost broke an arm trying to get an autograph from an American Idol 6th runner-up from 2006. Seriously.

Fans gathering on the red carpet four hours before the CMA Awards show began. If I had more balls, I would have snapped pictures of their snazzy outfits – some combining sequins and Crocs.

In case you stayed WAY past the start of the show (as most fanatics do), you’d need to leave your sunglasses on if you’re prone to migraines or seizures.

Moving my way around back to slide into the mover and shaker scene, I felt the same way about the rear of the red carpet as I do about my own backside…needs a bit of work.

Baby got back.

The ass of the red carpet is also where stars sneak out after they’ve had their photo taken by media and don’t want to walk down the long line of TV interviewers. I recognized as many ‘stars’ that came through the back entrance as they did me. Zero (apparently anyone can be a country singer these days. Just attach a cowboy hat to your head or wear mirrored sunglasses at night or really go out on a limb and do both).

The scene of a photog’s dream (and mine, since I was about 6 feet from all of the upcoming action. And I was extremely busy pretending this was no big deal, while having to bite my cheeks to keep from smiling too big from giddiness).

While I was busy acting like I didn’t give a rat’s ass about my surroundings, I was constantly ducking out-of-the-way for the CMT’s Katie Cook and Evan Farmer, preparing to interview all of the celebs.

After giving my thighs a squat work out from my continuous up-and-down-out-of-the-camera’s way calisthenics (and trying really hard to be nonchalant about the whole ordeal), the big stars were just about to appear in front of me.

Phone out. Camera app on. Flash off (God forbid anyone think I’m taking a picture. I may be a little white trashy but sometimes I do know when to save face).  Holding the phone out from my body just so (pretending like I can’t see the screen up close). Positioned just high enough (so it doesn’t look like I’m taking a picture).  Phone rings. Boss needs me now. Damn it!

As I disappointedly turn to walk out (I had a red carpet spot!), I hear the photographers shout, “Sugarland, over here!”

And being the classy lady that I am, whipped around and snapped a blurry picture, complete with flash on my way out. Score!

Oh, and I got a hot dog on my way to the show in case you were wondering.

CBXB

CBXB!

How to Not Melt on a Red Carpet

Working at a production company in Nashville, my job comes with perks.

Like moving and shaking behind the scenes of the red carpet at tonight’s Country Music Awards ceremony. Problem is, I’m working. And I’ve been running around since 7am this morning and hope (fingers crossed) that I don’t look like the wicked witch that melted in The Wizard of Oz by the time I actually make it to the arena to rub elbows.

I was so worried about what to wear because A) I want to look good and B) I want to pretend like I’m not trying too hard to look hip but nailing it (everyone in the music industry is oh so cool but doesn’t want anyone to think they care. Does that make them hipsters?).

So here’s what I’ve been prancing around in all day (trying to avoid sweating (obvious reasons), the windy breeze (hair!), and the sun (would dissolve my applied 9 hours ago makeup) :

I figure I can take my blazer off if I get too hot and fling it over my shoulder, ’80s style. But then I’d still be ‘dressy’ with my vest. Oh the woes of my job.

Vest, Express – $12.99. Necklace, Target – $9.99. Blazer, Gap – $49.99. Jeans, Rag & Bone – $69. Gotta love sales!

Earrings, Target – $8.99.

A little sparkle and spike accessories, sprucing it up behind the scenes.

In lieu of old fashioned shit kickers, I’ve opted for “I think I can kick your ass” motorcycle boots, which are packed with edgy comfortableness.

Hieee-yah! Stay back Kenny Chesney! Boots, Coach.

This is quite a banner year, as tonight marks my second red carpet experience in just two months (oh, I’m really somebody). If tomorrow’s headlines read that Carrie Underwood slipped backstage, you’ll know that it was due to my melted pile of mess (and this mission was not accomplished).

No autographs, please.

CBXB