This is How We Roll

Rollin’ around.

While visiting Iowa last week, I resided with my Gma in her studio apartment at a retirement home.

My roommie.

I not only found myself without Internet access along with shitty phone service and an overabundance of daytime TV, I also found myself without a vehicle among miles and miles of cornfields.

Nope, still not heaven. Just Iowa.

Although we love one another, being cooped up in 400 square feet with someone for days can lead one to be a tad irritated edgy claustrophobic.

We decided that venturing a few blocks to the town square shouldn’t be too big of a feat. And while Gma is perfectly capable of walking, traipsing up and down streets isn’t her strong suit at 91, so we borrowed a vehicle from her buddy.

Motorized by CBXB.

We were a traffic stopping duo, as cars had to wait for minutes while I popped wheelies to get Gma up and over a curb to the restaurant where we intended to be ladies who lunch.

Selfies cause gridlock when you take them in the middle of the road.

Bricks aren’t kind to wheelchairs. Or their drivers.     Photo – Wikipedia

After scooping the loop down Main Street a time or two, Gma announced that she was thirsty and I kicked into a gear so high I think I left a trail of smoke knowing a cold bottle of wine awaited our arrival.

Happy hour awaits!

We decided it was best to sit out on the porch and watch everyone else (while we also talked about them) drive by in actual vehicles as we sipped (well, she swigged, I gulped) our evening vino.

Busy bodies on a balcony deck.

Who needs a rental car when you can wheel it around town?

That’s just how we roll.

CBXB

CBXB Invasion

Corn fed, Hawkeye bred!

While in eastern Iowa for a long Labor Day stay, I ended up staying through the rest of the week for a little family bonding, starting with the twins.

Three is not a crowd with this crew.

Being these tykes are now 19 months old and actual mini people, they often seem like Tasmanian devils.

Which is why I had grubby little handprints all over my clothes.

Subtle reminder of my fave people.

I was able to see Prince B get his teeth cleaned, which started off as traumatic but ended in bliss when he realized there was a TV on the ceiling.

Cartoons and clean chompers.

With my mad camera skills, I took 1,762,364 selfies with each twin, producing just one non-blurry photo of me and Princess B.

Again? Again with the camera Auntie CBXB?

I cheated on Ted with my dogphew, Gunner by rolling around in the sack endlessly with him night after night.

Sleeping double in a single bed.

My unfaithfulness continued with goodbye kisses for my furry family member…

I kissed a dog and I liked it.

….and my little humans, too.

A goodbye smooch and feminine product education all at the same time. I’m a multi-tasking aunt.

It was then time to head west to the town where John Wayne was born and The Bridges of Madison County was filmed (that’s right – I walked the same streets as Meryl Streep) to see my Gma.

Jell-O shootin’ granny with her Jell-O shootin’ offspring.

It was a good thing I travel with booze, as I was staying with Gma in her retirement home.

With no WiFi.

And spotty cell service.

And no car.

Coping with my surroundings.

But we passed the time with news programs, drinks, news programs, pedicures and news programs.

Isn’t this the life?

In between being a manicurist and wino, I got to see Aunt Crazy Pants for an afternoon and a ride to the gigantic Des Moines airport.

Crazy and Crazier.

And there is nothing more fun than getting to spend six unexpected hours at an airline gate while trying to get my ass back to Nashville.

GET ME HOME TO MY PUSSIES!

Naturally, I was nothing but ignored by my two felines upon my arrival back to our mini manse.

You cheated with an actual dog. We hate you.

I’m definitely in vacation withdrawal as on the first day back to work I forgot my laptop at home, lunch consisted of 10 day old pizza out of the communal fridge and I kept calling a buddy Ted…when his name is Chris.

Definitely what my co-workers think of me and my coffee mug.

Here’s hoping that you’re brighter eyed and more bushy-tailed than I this week, friends.

Cheers!

CBXB