Weekend Winks – Road Trippin’

Nashville was nine hours away this weekend as I packed it up and headed to Iowa.

Just a regular road trip on the horizon

Most practical passenger for a long trip.

I could hardly wait to get my hands on those twins I feature on my blog every day from time to time.

Squeeze #1

Mauling #1

Squeeze #2

Mauling #2

Now since I surprised my sister for her birthday and drove up to celebrate the twins turning two last week, cocktails were most definitely involved.

Naturally more than just twinning around.

I know, I know, you’re shocked.

My sister and I got to see my college bestie for cocktails and tipsy shopping (is there anything better?).

Yours truly, Whitney Lover and Birthday Girl.

Yours truly, Whitney Lover and Birthday Girl.

Upon our return, it was time to pass out presents to the bebes.  When it came to Princess B, how could I not get her an Elsa from Frozen dress AND matching heels?

Present time! A ballgown and high heels, naturally.

Just what every two year old needs!

Prince B received a noise making kitty cat piano, which Princess B promptly tried to steal.

And a piano for Prince B that his sister promptly took over.

A good lesson that I need to purchase two of everything.

Since the party weekend couldn’t stop after presents, my bro-in-law – Dr. Cocktail – concocted speakeasy style libations that could rival any bar in the country.

Fancy drink time with Dr. Cocktail.

I had a hard time choosing so I went with everything, naturally.

Um Japanese whisky is an aquired taste.

Fancy schmancy Japanese whiskey creates the munchies.

Fancy snacks.

So we had fancy schmancy snacks to accompany our distinguished cocktails.

Iowa winters can last from October to April (sometimes even May) and it seem dreary and gray for months on end. So you can imagine what happened when the temperature hit 50 degrees with the sun shining brightly.

When this happens in Iowa in January, watch out.

When this happens during an Iowa January, watch out.

While out and about running errands, I saw folks in short sleeves, no coats, flip flops and yes, even shorts.

30 car pile up

30 car pile up at the car wash.

Funny thing is the next day looked like this…

Lovely weather

Is this what global warming looks like?

It was time for me to squeeze every last ounce out of my favorite duo and head home to Nashville where people adorn themselves in parkas, mittens and stocking hats when it’s 50 degrees and sunny out.

They're so sad to see me go. Obviously.

They were so sad to see me go. Obviously.

Not one minute of my drive was without snow, sleet, rain or wind. Makes a nine hour trip feel like you might as well be driving to outer space.

Ride looked ike this for nin short hours.

Road tripping bliss.

When I did grace my mini manse with my presence all New Cat wanted was a heaping bowl of food.

FUCKING FEED ME.

Missed you too, Mr. Annoying.

But Teddy did nothing but love up on me, as he knows the way to his mama’s heart.

Snuggle time

She’s mine. All mine.

Here’s hoping you’re warm and cozy no matter what the weather this week.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

The Surprise Attack

Sometimes when you get a wild hair up your ass you just gotta go with it, which is how I ended up in Iowa for a long weekend.

Surprise kisses from Nashville!

Surprise kisses from Nashville!

I decided to road trip it in order to sneak attack my sister for her birthday and to also get in a twin fix as they just turned two last Saturday.

Hard to believe this was over 700 days ago.

Hard to believe this was over 700 days ago.

Even harder to believe that this feels like 70,000 days ago.

Even harder to believe that this was more than 7,000 days ago.

Suffice to say, it’s going to be a very fun weekend…

Suffice to say, it's going to be a very fun weekend.

Especially if these two have anything to do with it.

Here’s hoping you get a hair up your ass and do something a little wild this weekend, too.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Redneck Roadtrip

With many Americans gearing up to travel over the river and through the woods for Thanksgiving, is it possible to make a 1,000 journey seem bearable?

Well, of course it is.  It’s all in how you approach your trip.

First, you need something to eat.

A chocolate dipped cone always starts my road trip off on the right wheel.

Filling up on cheap spirits (they have to last nine hours, so don’t get anything top shelf) will help you pass some time. If you drink just enough, you will get out of your leg of driving, (clever, yes. Well received by other passengers? Not so much. But who cares, you’re ready for karaoke in the car).

Road rot gut. Taaka vodka and a Diet Coke from Quik Trip. Keepin’ it classy while killing brains cells and miles.

Car karaoke is performed by travelers who are just drunk enough to play one CD ad nauseam and sing every word (that they don’t know –  it is a constant mumble until the chorus) so the most annoying passenger (usually me), wants to throw themselves out of the moving vehicle to prevent their brains turning to mush.  It is imperative to pack good tunes or you might turn yourself into roadkill.

My ears were bleeding at the sound of any lyric off of this Luke Bryan album that was played on repeat no less than 13 times.

Take pictures of machinery indigenous to the region of the country in which you are traveling. It will provide endless confusion as to what the object you just photographed could be…

Is it a combine? A tractor? Who knows?  It’s definitely not an International Harvester.

Make sure you bring a coat to put over your head to ensure privacy during phone conversations.

My mom in her sound proof phone booth, talking to my Gma.

Presents are a good way to distract the impatient folks who incessantly ask that dreaded question, to which you can reply, “No we’re not there yet but how ’bout a gift?”

Who cares if we have 658 more miles to go? You just scored a mini bottle of rot gut vodka AND a framed photo of you from your cheerleading days in college. Lucky!

Every time you stop to get gas, be sure to get a snack. And also NEVER wear non-elastic pants in the car (they won’t expand with all of your mindless eating out of boredom).

My fourth carton of the most delicious dip in all the land – Anderson Erickson’s French Onion. See the big sweatshirt? Expands with each dipped chip I inserted into my yapper (people who travel with me like it when I eat. I’m quiet for the 30 seconds it takes to inhale my snacks).

And hopefully, when you arrive to your final destination, Grandma is waiting just as anxiously as Teddy impatiently waits for my return home.

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? My fur ball welcoming committee of one usually cops an attitude the second my key hits the lock.

Now you have all of the tools needed to quickly pass the nine hours it takes to get to your crazy relative’s house for the massive amounts of turkey, stuffing, yams, turkey, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, turkey, green beans, pumpkin pie and turkey.

Just don’t forget your drawstring pants for the ride home.

CBXB