Yule Be Bowled Over

Holy shit the holiday season crept up and is flying out faster than a fad diet at the beginning of a new year.

This season not only marked Prissy’s first Christmas with me and The Pussy Posse, it also was our premiere road trip together.

One of us was embarrassed of a hotel lobby selfie. One of us was clearly not.

Dada CBXB is not known for his speedy lead foot. If anything, when we are on a road trip to Iowa, the texts I usually get from family go a little something like, “see you next week” when it’s simply a day’s drive. However on this trip, Dada CBXB splurged and got a hotel room in St. Louis, the mid-way point between destinations. He very cleverly booked us at a place that featured three free cocktails per guest, along with snacks until 7pm. We arrived at 6:30.

Will speed for free booze.

After chugging, we wound down catching former Hawkeye, George Kittle kill it on the field with the San Francisco 49ers. Always a way with a nickname, Dad called our usual night caps, “Kittle Kaps” and well, that’s what it shall be named from here on out.

Kittle Kaps all around.

Not only was this first holiday road trip for Priss, this was also her introduction to the twins. I was slightly worried I may not get to take her back to Music City with me once the duo of cuteness got their paws on her.

Prissy, the instant hit.

One of the reasons Prissy is enviable to the twins is her size as my dogphew, Spike, can’t sit on laps and be carried around on a hip easily. But boy can he snuggle like nobody’s business.

You can totes see the family resemblance, right?

It was new hair dos all around for the big man in red.

Hair envy, anyone?

What would a Christmas be without a sugar cookie fest for my pie hole? Sister CBXB had three pounds of buttercream frosting that may or may not all be sitting on my hips at the moment.

Cookies more delish than they appear.

When the wee ones wondered to bed my BIL (also known as Dr. Cocktail) whipped up some of his finest drunk mixes. One round was vaguely familiar and it inspired me to start watching Sex and the City on my next TV binge.

Carrie Bradshaw style Christmas Cosmopolitan.

Prissy couldn’t decide if she’s a Carrie or a Charlotte. Jury’s still out.

After matching cosmos, we kept up the sister game by sporting matching sequined Santa starter jackets because why the fuck not?

Holla Ho!

The following evening we were treated to a snazzy seasonal supper complete with place cards created by the twins. They somehow managed to set their own cards at the heads of the table. Clever little fucks.

Supper is served.

Soon after our bellies were full, it was time for the slumber before Santa’s visit.

The calm before the Christmas tsunami.

HE CAME.

Our day was filled with stockings, sugar cookies, mimosas, coffee, sugar cookies, mimosas, presents, dogs, kids, mayhem, mimosas, movies, naps, a fire pit, sugar cookies, pizzas, wine and fun.

Fucking crazy for Christmas.

The holiday went off without a hitch and I’m pretty sure the blood pumping through my veins is still straight saccharine.

Prissy and the Princess.

The Christmas stimulation proved to be tiring to my pooch who typically acts as if she’s on some sort of canine cocaine on the daily. She spent most of the nine hour sleigh ride back to Nashville the next day with her eyes shut.

Sleeping ’til 2020.

While I was trying to pry my eyes open with toothpicks for work back in Nashville, the twins were partying with tacos and Mama CBXB.

Taco time.

With Christmas falling in the middle of the work week combined with two travel days in a car, my body didn’t know up from fucking down. I was able to muster a work outfit together on Friday, which felt like a Monday and then felt like a Saturday because the Iowa Hawkeyes were playing in a bowl game that night, when they usually play on Saturday day. See the difficulty for me?

Be bold, wear gold. And sequins. Lots of sequins.

A mix of emotions for the last game until next August. The horror.

It was quite fitting the Iowa Hawkeyes played in the Holiday Bowl against USC this year. Our long time beloved coach, Hayden Fry, passed away earlier in the month. When he was coaching, this bowl was one of his favorites, so winning it would be extra special. Dada CBXB and I weren’t sure what to make of Iowa scoring on their first drive, even though we were favored to win by two points.

Naturally, we did the typical Family Tradition…times fucking seven. Yes, SEVEN.

Touchdown #1!

Touchdown #2!

Touchdown #3!

Touchdown #4!

Touchdown #5!

Touchdown #6!

Touchdown #7!

It’s been forever since we needed two hands for counting shots so we were a tad out of practice. We also had to get really crafty with our picture props, as the Hawks kept scoring TDs. The final victorious score was 49 – 24, making Iowa’s overall record this year 10-3.

If that’s not a way to end a season, I don’t know what is. ON IOWA!

High five to a new decade.

I was certainly feeling bowled over the next day…with no complaints.

Cheers to the last few days before a new year!

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Lights, Santa, Action!

The most wonderful time of the year…has been really fucking hard for me to get into the past few seasons. So in an attempt to kick-start my holiday merriment, I went to see the lights at Nashville’s Opryland Hotel on Friday. Every year, they decorate their botanical gardens with millions (or maybe thousands) of lights throughout the property.

Light show captured by @steve_zeinner.

This trip used to be tradition but I just haven’t been in the mood the last three years, so I forced the fucking spirit – even if it almost killed me. Which it did because if you take a look at the doors to your right in the photo, the platform I had to jump up to was well beyond my physical skill set. But goddamnit I got up there.

It only took 8.9 minutes for me to jump onto this platform.

The lights and music did help (along with a few martinis) rally me into the festive spirit.

While I was creating holiday mojo, my Iowa twins were gearing up to ride the Polar Express to see Santa.

Cuteness overload.

Not excited.

At all.

When they finally got to the man in red, Princess B tried putting the moves on him by holding his hand (as I’ve said before I couldn’t have birthed her better myself).

Nothing but love.

While the twins were living it up on the pseudo North Pole, I was taking the newest addition of the mini manse to the vet. For…ultra attractive, not at all disgusting worm treatment.

I had one pissed off pussy on my hands but Fabio took his butt treatment like a champ – and then we also discovered he had ear mites. Poor dude. All is well now and none of the other members of my pussy gang have contracted either squirmy, wormy ailments, thankfully.

Last week when I had family in town, a cactus that was cut from my Grandpa’s (who passed over ten years ago) was delivered to me (thank you S.S.). However, being that I have no green thumbs (pink only for me of course), it’s already turning a bit brown. How do I save it? I’ve seriously had this thing for maybe 12 days and I’m already murdering it. Anyone?

Cactus SOS.

While the spirit of any holiday has been hard to jump into, life in general has been a fucking challenge of late. And, again with friends and supporters like you, it’s all but heart exploding when I get reminders like this from you guys. These reminders always come at the perfect time.

Reminder well received Allidme.

Not sure if you guys remember but I am a huge Iowa Hawkeye football fan. A little earlier this year our mediocre team beat the shit out of a nationally ranked number five team THE Ohio State University Buckeyes whom I loathe (although, this team is the reason Dada CBXB and I started the Touchdown Shot tradition) with a score of 55-24.

And we don’t hate it.

Even though Ohio State went to win the Big Ten Conference championship on Saturday night, they were snubbed hard when the top four selections of teams came out on Sunday, being eeked out by Alabama, thanks in part to the Iowa ass kicking.

You’re welcome Bama fans.

Sorry not sorry for the cockblock of THE Ohio State University.

While running errands to put some holiday touches in the mini manse, I couldn’t believe my alcoholic eyes when I saw Target actually sold corks for decor.

I have about 429 corks around my mini if anyone wants to buy them.

Princess B acquired a cold after all of the Santa excitement. Luckily for everyone involved at her castle, she had her own remedy plan put in place.

I uncorked a bottle of vino (which brings my total to 430) and hopped in the bubbles for a long winter’s bath (even though it’s 70 degrees in Nashville).

Turns out that was an ideal move by yours truly as I sat in over an hour of traffic on a route to work that usually takes me 15 minutes.

Good thing I found this gem shopping yesterday to help with my Monday woes.

Dreams do come true.

All in all, the weekend got me festive enough to slowly start embracing the Christmas cheer.

Ready to get this holidaze shit show started.

Cheers!

CBXB

Weekend Winks – Santa Style

Santa! I've been good! At least to myself...

Santa! I’ve been good! At least to myself…

What would Christmas be without a workplace dirty Santa party, last-minute shopping and sitting on a red suited man’s lap? I’ll answer for you – it would be beyond boring.

I arrived to work on Friday, greeted by slightly adjusted decorations in my office…

You wanna F with me?

You wanna F with me? Paybacks are a bitch.

Do you have fun like this in your workplace? Too bad.

Our work version of Santa.

Our work version of Santa and his two elves.

Some people take the title of Dirty Santa to heart.

Dirty Santa = Dirty Minds

Dirty Santa = Dirty Minds.

Funny things happen at work parties. Like 8×10 photos of yourself becoming part of the decor.

Fully clothed in a bathtub, naturally.

Fully clothed in a bathtub, naturally.

While I slept off Friday night shenanigans, my twin niece and nephew were frolicking resting in the Iowa snow.  I’d like to call attention to yet another way my overly classy family uses plastic grocery sacks (we already utilize them as Easter baskets and I use them for Ted’s litter pan and Mr. Bear likes to use them as a bed) but please take a closer look at my niece’s feet. No snow boots? If you have a plastic bag, no problemo.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

After sucking down enough caffeine for all of Santa’s elves, I hopped in my sleigh and headed to the poshest Nashville mall, where I had just enough luck to have sore shoulders from lugging all of the packages around. How does Santa do it?

Santa! I've been good! At least to myself...

Needed: Eight reindeer for package purposes.

What better way to celebrate shopping and First Mate’s birthday than with a strawberry martini?

'tini break.

I’d better rest my weary shopping legs….for three hours.

And as we sat and chit chatted the afternoon away, we came up with the scheme of the season.

Blondes have good ideas, too.

Blondes have good ideas, too.

We thought it’d be a good idea to snuggle up to (I tried not to maul) our favorite man in red and solidify our names on his nice list with our girlie ways (I really needed to after my naughty shenanigans of weekends past).

Santa! I KNOW him!

Think Santa fell for us?

It’s been a year of babymania (there must be something in the water – thank God I drink liquor all the time) and I stopped by the hospital to welcome the newest handsome fella to my circle of friends’ ever expanding brood.

Big E with Auntie CBXB.

Big E with Auntie CBXB.

Famished after all that baby holding I headed to my folks house where we had an early Christmas celebration, as I won’t be joining my fam in Iowa for the big holiday.

Spread it.

Oh the snacking is so delightful…

And because the snacks weren’t enough, I had to stuff my face at dinner as well (thus trying to keep my annual holiday tradition of adding 10 lbs to my already ample derriere alive).

So keep eating...

…and the added pounds are always so frightful.

Turns out I was rewarded for all of my bawdy behavior this year (Santa must have a fun sense of humor).

Hit me.

Naughty girls can finish first.

What’s Ted thinking about all of this endless Christmas celebrating? He can barely be bothered, wanting to sleep the rest of the holiday away.

Sleeping the holiday away.

What a little scrooge!

Whatever this holiday week brings you, we hope it’s full of happiness!

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Holiday Spirits Style

I welcome Nashville weekends filled with festive felines, bawling babies and parties with open arms. Especially if holiday spirits are (heavily) involved.

Hating life.

My Christmas Bear hating life.

‘Tis the season to drink among colleagues and friends, so what better way to kick off a holiday celebration Friday night than with a quick shot of Fireball?

Festive Fireball

Let the festivities begin!

Tastes like heaven, burns like hell.

Tastes like heaven, burns like hell.

The first shot was so damn delicious, we decided to have another.

So good we'll have another.

My boss and his lush of a work wife.

While I was busy sleeping off the previous night’s libations, my niece and nephew were meeting the man in a red suit for the first time up in Iowa Saturday morning.

Love at first sight.

Love at first sight.

Ever been to Opryland Resort to see the Christmas lights?

If not, go. But bring a cooler in the car as you will be sitting in traffic for a good hour, going 1 mph waiting to park in the hotel lot, as everyone else in the surrounding area of Nashville will be going the same night you do.

Light it up.

The wait will be so worth it.

Another perk of the hotel is being able to carry your drinks around as you ooh and ah over the lights. And since I had a cocktail or two, I felt completely at ease stopping foot traffic, trying to take pictures of none other than yours truly.

Excuse me, I have a blog to capture images for. Traffic stopper.

Excuse me, I have a blog to capture images for, so you’ll have to wait to cross.

I kept wishing my purse was big enough to stuff decor in – like this tree full of teddy bears. I mean, my little fur ball needs this, don’t you think?

Put in my purse?

This 90 foot tree wouldn’t be missed, right?

Doing my best to stay on Santa’s naughty list, I crept off the beaten path for a photo shoot.

Oh what fun it is to be!

I just can’t help myself, Santa!

Glancing at the dark water across the hotel, the thought crossed my mind to test the temperature (and the patience of hotel security).

To swim or not to swim?

To swim or not to swim?

But a Skinny Pirate and a cushy seat (and my immediate laziness as my ass hit the chair) deterred my swimming expedition.

Thinking face.

I think I’ll just have another cocktail, thanks.

Teddy was beyond exhausted upon my return home, nestled in the tidings of gift wrapping joy.

Hurry up and get over.

Why do I even bother buying real cat beds?

You’d think I’d take a cue from Tedstar and just laze around on Sunday but I had one more party to squeeze in before the clock struck midnight and I turned into a working girl (that didn’t sound right…9 to 5er) again on Monday.

The first best part about Sunday?

This. Served warm.

This. Served straight up and warm. Go get some. Now.

The second best part about Sunday evening?

A bathroom that looked like it came straight out of the movie The Shining.

And the very best part of Sunday’s party?

Moonshine shots with friends.

Holiday Holla!

Holiday Holla!

I mean, how else would one spend a Sunday night before a work week?

Cheers to a fabulous Monday for you!

CBXB

CBXB!

Naughty Listed

hi

Like my ’80s style?

Dear Santa,

I had no intention of ending right smack on the tip-top of your naughty list but I just couldn’t help myself. Attending a party in the former home of my idol, I saw her old dress hanging up in the bathroom.

Santa approved?

Isn’t this a vintage beaut?

I had every intention of simply holding the dress up over my head but seeing that it was wrapped in a plastic garment bag, I didn’t want to suffocate myself (see, even after a few cocktails safety was my first concern – that counts for something, right?).

Think this would fit?

Think this would fit?

Curiosity got the best of me and I just had to see if I could slip into the dress.

Pissy pants

I’m sure anyone near the bathroom wondered what the hell the shrieks of laughter were all about.

And then Santa, I couldn’t stop myself because the dress was actually going to fit! Surely Mrs. Claus has found herself in a similar situation, overly excited about red sequins?

It's gonna fit!

Holy shit – it’s gonna fit!

Seriously! It's on!

Seriously! It’s on!

Now after taking a gander at the beauty of this moment, you realize that I never meant to end up on your naughty list, right?

hi

Naughty. But so worth it.

Now what can I do in the next two weeks to get back over to the gift getting nice side?

Love,

CBXB

CBXB!