Weekend Winks – Surprises, Six Degrees and Slaying

This shade of black really brings out the color of my soul.

God I love a t-shirt that speaks for me.

Open for fun.

My aunt flew in to surprise my dad for a mini retirement celebration. It was pretty fucking fabulous.

The par-tay train headed downtown to honky tonk on Broadway.

The Bat Building never gets old.

Robert’s Western World never gets old.

Arriving late after gussying up, as soon as my ass hit the bar stool in Robert’s, I got a message from an old school friend asking if I happened to be around. Seeing as Music City has 100 fucking people moving to the city every.single.day (please for the love of god, STOP MOVING HERE. Come visit, spend some cash and get the fuck out) Nashvillians going downtown is about as rare as a man being falsely accused of rape. So like, 99.9% never.

Downtown used to be a fun hang every so often but now, it’s asses to elbows everywhere. So it was Kismet that I happened to be in a bar right across the street from my old buddy, who still resides in Iowa. He was visiting for work and just thought he’d reach out. As kids, our families would camp (yes, I actually camped (ew) before I knew glamping was a thing) and one of our fave activities was going around Wilson’s Lake and collecting pop cans that we’d turn in for a refund at Cheese’s grocery store. Redeeming five cents per can, I thought we were going to be thousandaires as we packed garbage after garbage bag full of aluminum. I think we each ended up with about $50. Still not bad for 10 year olds.

Six degrees of CBXB.

When I went to meet up with his crew, I didn’t know anyone else at the table. But within the 30 minutes I chit chatted, I somehow had a connection to or through or knew someone they knew at the table. My friend came across the street to say hey to Dada CBXB who, prior to his move to Nashville (and retirement), was a teacher and coach of some sort for over 30 years.

Old school.

Naturally we did what all teachers and coaches do when they reunite with former students.

Shots.

I mean, you know I have an ever classy fam.

Blurred lines.

Saturday came early for my Iowa twins, who were frying up a donut storm.

Then they decided to create costumes since the weather was kinda shitty.

If you guessed bats, you’d be right.

Inspired by my mini bakers, my lazy ass decided to get out a new pancake mix I picked up. Mostly because it was gluten free but really because all it takes is 2/3 cup of the mix and 3/4 cup of water.

Betty.Fucking.Crocker.

My Iowa Hawkeyes had a 2:30 kick off, so I sauntered out to Dada CBXB’s and watched my dudes school the Minnesota Golden Gophers. The Hawks won 48-31. You know what that meant….six rounds of our classy Family Tradition.

I’m not good at math but I couldn’t fit six pics into my cute photo collage.

It also meant that the Floyd of Rosedale rivalry trophy will reside another year with my favorite birds.

The pig stays in the Hawkeye State.

After the welcomed distraction of a win, it remained consistently hard to escape the painful thoughts that have been swirling around my noggin for the last three weeks, as America’s attitude toward rape culture continues to shock the ever living hell out of me.

It’s sad. It’s so sad. So much so that I’ve turned to eating my pain away. Which isn’t working for my brain as much as it is my already ample ass.

I’ll have five pounds of wings, please. No, really, we had five pounds of wings. And Shit Dip that was already inhaled when this photo was snapped. And like one celery stick.

We welcomed Sunday by washing Saturday away with margaritas at our fave Mexican joint.

Tasty treats.

Accompanied by what felt like 482 lbs of food after I scarfed my feelings food down.

Another side of salsa, please.

Of course no self care Sunday would be complete without my personal bible, People magazine, and a dip in bubbles.

To those of you weary to the motherfucking bone after the past few weeks, know that it’s OK to feel that way. To those of you who are confused after the past few weeks, know that it’s OK to feel that way. To those of you who feel hopeless after the past few weeks, that’s not OK.

You matter.

The next generation matters.

K. Thanks. Bye.

CBXB

Weekend Winks – Twinning, Winning and Spinning

Being a crazy pants aunt, I love to vicariously live first experiences through with my Iowa twins. These three and a half-year old slices of perfection went to their first dance – a sock hop – at their school last week.

All by themselves.

Next time, I’m chaperoning.

Coming home to unwind after dancing her socks off, Princess B. changed in to her most appropriate college game day attire in  support of our Iowa Hawkeyes.

She’s got spirit, yes she do.

You know who else had spirit(s) on Saturday?

Of course you do. Dada CBXB and yours truly were at the ready to see our fave football team take the field for an 11am kick-off. What we weren’t anticipating during our weekly trashy family tradition of touchdown shots  was guzzling five before the clock struck noon.

Foxy and loxy at 11:15 am.

Double down a few moments later.

Three and free by 11:32 am.

Four had us feeling…

… like five was keeping us alive.

Luckily for us, I’d made my blogfamous Shit Dip that also acts as an extremely effective cleanse if you eat the entire dish of butter, corn, jalapenos and cream cheese.

Which of course we consumed in its entirety.

Dada CBXB made his “best batch of ribs ever” which is the tag line he uses in accompaniment of any fresh batch of anything that comes off of his grill.

Best fall of the bones BBQ in the county.

Thankfully our halftime helpers laid foundation for the additional two touchdowns the Hawks scored during the second half.

Getting our kicks with our sixth.

Seventh heaven for the victory, baby!

With a 49-35 Iowa Hawkeye win over the Purdue Boilermakers, the party was just starting for our football afternoon. Except I switched to a little H2O in order to save face with the fur balls in my presence (that would be Clark, Cousin Eddie and Presh).

What the fuck is going on with the humans?

Super fun Saturday football proved a hard recovery on my day of ‘rest’.

Not such a mover and a shaker on Sunday.

But hey, like a building in Nashville’s quaint Germantown says…

And I will continue to do so, thank you very much.

Here’s to a week of you doing you.

Cheers!

CBXB

Weekend Winks – Thrones ‘n’ Football

Multi-screens in the mini manse, shit dip, moonshine and a brand new throne made this weekend divine.

Revenge of the shit dip.

After what felt like a year-long week, Saturday morning came a little too early after a little bit of boozing on Friday night.

Looking how I feel. And yes, I’m the jackass who wears sunglasses in the supermarket.

I also got my ass handed to me by Princess B – you know, my fact checker for this blog.

Not sure she likes what she’s reading.

She couldn’t stop herself from giving editorial notes while admiring herself on the small screen.

But wait, here’s what it should have looked like.

After enduring the creative notes from my niece, I hustled to get ready for the weekly tailgate my folks and I have each Saturday.

Little did we know this was a spread in search of a game.

Our tasty treats also included my gal pal Katie B’s infamous shit dip. It consists of corn, cream cheese and butter. And it tastes like heaven in your mouth.

And requires a side of toilet paper.

Trust me.

Click here for the recipe

You’re seriously going to need this.

Anyone else have Comcast as their cable provider? Anyone else want to tell Comcast to suck shit?

On Saturday morning, TV the guide listed either my Iowa Hawkeye game or the Penn State game was going to air.

I checked online for the TV listings. No luck.

I called and talked to three different Comcast departments for over an hour with three of the same answers…

“We’re sorry, we can’t tell you what will air.”

How in the hell can the cable provider not know what they’re going to show? How? HOW?

Sure enough, kick-off time rolled around and the Penn State game appeared on TV in the Nashville area. So we turned my mini manse into a multi-screened viewing area with the help of my lap top and live streaming.

Just like a sports bar. Only less classy.

During the TV shenanigans, New Cat became a man whore.

Mauling Gpa.

Mauling Gma.

Mauling Mama.

Not one to miss out on any action, Teddy gave his own version of a lap dance.

An ass to Gma’s face felt appropriate.

Although we had to squint to watch our game, touchdowns still required our family tradition of moonshine shots.

TD Baby!

The halftime show consisted of a pussy trying to commit suicide, another unable to feign any emotion for the suicidal cat and a grandpa oblivious to either scene taking place around him.

Where’s a marching band when you need one?

During the second half of the game New New got so handsy with Gpa that he didn’t want to share, giving anyone that came close a death stare.

Back off or I’ll bite.

I spent the rest of the third in the bathroom due to my copious amounts of my fave dip.

Shit happens.

It was a good thing I’d eaten my weight in corn, as two touchdown and a victory shot waited for me in the fourth quarter.

Popcorn Sutton White Whiskey for everyone!

Which made the rest of the afternoon feel like…

Moonshine mania makes the world spin.

And copious amount of moonshine may or may not be why my masterpiece of a pizza turned out like this for supper…

Don’t drink and cook.

But not surprisingly, I ate it anyway.

Sunday found me admiring my Miami Mini Me’s newest hair accessory.

Yes she’s fabulous. And yes, I’m borrowing that bow!

And what could be more ah-mah-zing than being gifted my very own throne on a lazy afternoon?

Nothing.

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

A classy chair for a trashtacular lady.

While I was careful to use only my wrist to wave so as not to jiggle my arm fat, this one sprawled out on his throne with a jiggly belly proudly exposed.

You want me to wave a paw at you or something? Fuck off.

From our thrones to yours, here’s hoping your week is off to a fabulous start!

CBXB

 

Spectacular Shit Dip

Don’t let the name fool you. This dip is divine.

I’m prone to easy, simple, don’t dirty-too-many-dishes recipes (plus I don’t have a love deep in my heart for cooking – wish I felt the same about eating).  With tailgating season here and holiday party time right around the corner, I’m revisiting one of my favorite, effortless, wallet friendly, minimal ingredient snack foods (thanks for the reminder, Podunk!).

A little shit dip goes a long way.

This recipe comes from my gal pal Katie B. She didn’t give this tasty dip its moniker…I did, the day after I practically ate an entire bowl of it single-handedly at a party which in turn, left me feeling very cleansed the next day.

My favorite part about this dip (aside from being so tasty) is you can make it via the microwave.

Here are the whopping four ingredients you’ll need:

1 stick butter

1 block cream cheese

2 cans white shoe peg corn (it’s basically sweet corn – I had to Google it since I’m a regular Betty Crocker and all)

10 chopped jalapeno rings (more or less depending on your preference)

Tortilla chips

Ingredients for the cleansing dip all purchased at Target (where else?) for a grand total of $4.06. Add the $2 for a bag of cheap tortilla chips and you’re set for $6. My kind of treat!

Directions:

In a microwave safe bowl (and one big enough to eventually hold two cans of corn) melt the stick of butter, then add the block of cream cheese. Nuke for about a minute or so and then add the 2 cans of corn (if you add the corn too early, it gets chewy). Add the jalapenos, heat to desired temperature and serve immediately.

That’s it!

This dip will have your bathroom bumpin’.

Go ahead and wow ‘em with shit dip at your next tailgate – just remember to be prepared with an overabundance of toilet paper.

CBXB

How to Throw a Shindig in a Mini Manse

I threw my first party in my Nashville mini-manse (I’ve always been worried about how many people I can comfortably fit into my apartment) over the weekend by hosting an engagement celebration.

I set a long, skinny card table up against my laundry wing, as everyone was bringing a treat to share (and I have about 15 inches of counter space and a small round kitchen table).  Thank God Teddy was around to check the table’s stability out.

Pawsitively helpful.

To make the most of my kitchen floor space, I filled my side sink with ice, chilling the champagne and wine to alleviate a cooler under a table (way more leg room!).

A little classy and trashy all at the same time.

I froze diamond ice cubes to spruce up the Kir Royale martinis (Chambord and champagne) I was serving as the evening’s signature cocktail.

Perfect for an engagement party. Also perfect for my daily use afterward.

I froze vodka soaked, sugar covered grapes to use as chillers for the Kir Royales and wine. Plus they seemed fancier than Jell-O shots (AND guests could pop one (or five) in their mouths when walking by the table).

Grapes Gone Wild

Not wanting anyone to feel ignored, I set an appropriate party bell out by empty glasses waiting to be filled.

Ring My Bell

We always have one (or truthfully in our case two – one for light drinking and one for midnight when we suddenly become ravenous) tray of Chick-fil-A bites.  (I ‘store’ the second platter in my oven and thrill guests later in the evening – it’s one hell of a party trick making snacks appear out of ‘nowhere’ – and fun seeing tipsy faces glow with delight over chicken nuggets).

Forget diamonds! Chicken is a girl’s best friend.

Keeping it classy, I bought and threw cheese balls into an over-sized wine glass (which yes, I drink out of) that are always overly consumed (making me feel like my skin will be orange when I wake up the next morning).

The ever elegant cheese ball…

My blogfamous (and oh-so-popular) dip duo made appearances at the snack table, courtesy of their original recipe think tanks –

Eat Shit and Die Guac

Click here for the recipe that will make others green with envy.

Shit Dip

Click here for the easy recipe (and for the reminder to keep toilet paper handy).

Sweet treats were strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese icing atop my 1950s serving tray (and counter space saver) that I found in an Iowa antique store last year.

Treat Tower

While still able to write nicely, we signed an empty bottle of champagne as a gift to the bride-to-be with a Sharpie paint pen.

Fanciest champagne bottle of them all – a Cook’s brand magnum.

And then, the shots began…

A very tasty vodka pomegranate mix.

Leading to the next chapter of the evening….

Where all hell broke loose.

Creating a perfect post for tomorrow’s White Trash Wednesday.

Party on!

CBXB