The Stupid Cardinal

When Aunt Crazy Pants was fighting her fierce battle with fucking cancer, she told family to think of her every time we saw a cardinal after she passed. I took that advice and ran – it’s the best thing of my day when I see a red bird. And somehow, it always comes at a time that I’m trying to make a decision or on the verge of a panic attack. Funny how the universe works.

See a cardinal, think of me.

My Iowa twins also took that advice and sprinted.  Announcing whenever they would see a cardinal that it was ACP.

Birds of a feather.

But Princess B, especially, took to the notion.

If you’re gonna go, go all in.

This ties to the passing of my beloved sidekick, Precious the Chug. Presh (or Pweshy as the twins called her) was always a welcomed joy to my Iowa duo. Luckily she didn’t mind getting gussied up to impress her fashion upon them when we would head up to see the twins.

All glittered up and ready to go.

A nine-hour drive never deterred this dog’s ability to behave.

World’s Greatest Traveler.

It was a maulfest as soon as we’d arrive to the Iowa palace where my twins reside.

Hands on.

The squeeze.

One of their favorite parts of seeing Presh was walking her out and around the neighborhood.

Dynamic duo dog walkers.

Princess B always had to have alone time with her fave chug.

Walk Solo.

She’d be upset when we’d leave (I mean, what’s not to miss people), and it would tug at my heart strings something fierce. A video like the one below had me wanting to pack up my rust bucket and drive non-sensibly to Iowa from Nashville.

Luckily, it was time for Dada CBXB and myself to fly our sleigh in for Christmas shortly after receiving the tearful action shot of my takes-after-me-in-the-drama-department niece.

We’re baaaaaaaaaaack!

Precious was just so pleased.

Obviously.

A look of love.
Also, a look of hate.

We continued to change outfits and make a model of my canine.

Poser.

P was even fortunate enough to ride shotgun in Princess B’s new ride.

Cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

And then there was Presh’s cousin, Spike, who like everyone else before him fell in love with my little Ewok.

My horse-sized dogphew.

Spike and I have always had a tight bond, being the crazy animal lover that I am, letting him love attack me whenever he deemed necessary.

Snuggle buddies.

Dance partners. I took the lead, naturally.

Once Spike laid eyes on Precious, it was L.O.V.E.

A hard, romantic comedy type of love.

He barely left her side for a second, attentively watching P’s every move.

Making sure she was properly seated for all meals.

Letting her use his new Christmas bone first.

When it was clearly meant for a dog of a much larger stature.

When Presh had enough, she would sit on her throne and watch Spike roam around the couch, anticipating her jump down.

Waiting out the horse dog.

Preshy was already a member of the family because she was basically my fur covered spawn.

She cocktailed with us.

She cheersed with us.

She watched movies with us.

She played in the snow with us.

She dried off at the kitchen bar with us.

She forcefully posed with us.

In between visits, we’d Facetime with the kids and they always needed to know what the fuck Presh was up to (along with my other four fur kids). This past March, the Prince and Princess graced Nashville with their presence and you can guess who had the pleasure of being the guest of honor.

All tucked in.

All tuckered out.

Cuddle chug.

Walk Solo round two.

When we suddenly lost Precious a month ago, there are no words for the way my heart ached (and still does). But I don’t think anyone realized how hard it would smack Princess B. The day she found out, I was ordered to send all photos and videos I had of the chug to Sister CBXB for memories.

R.I.P. Sweet P.

When she was told that one day she would see Presh again (like in 140 years when my mini me passes away and reunites with all animals she’s loved), Princess B replied, “Yeah. AS A STUPID CARDINAL.”

Oh the reasoning of kids.

Yesterday, the twins were out walking their horse dog.

Spike is more manageable now that the kids are taller.

Princess Prance.

After getting these pics, I couldn’t help but smile that they were having fun with my dogphew. Then, this text came in from Sister CBXB.

I died. I laughed. I cried. A legacy left by Aunt Crazy Pants has now lead to comfort in areas of grieving for my little loves.

Maybe Princess B doesn’t think cardinals are so stupid after all.

I sure the fuck don’t.

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Slumber Party, Sniffles and Snuggles

Anything better than a fun old-fashioned slumber party?

Captain and First Mate back at it.

Captain, First Mate and Clark Griswold don’t think so.

I had three gal pals over to the mini manse in order to jump start my holiday spirit slump – and boy did it do some good for yours truly.

Sparkles, Umbros and wine for four.

Sparkles, Umbros and wine for four.

Not too long after one box of wine, we couldn’t figure out how to open the second…

How many bitches does it take to figure out a box of wine....

Um, it doesn’t even have a cork.

So I thought it was the best time to bring out my homemade sangria, Pirate’s Punch, which consists of Fireball, Captain Morgan and red wine.

Home made.

Who needs Betty Crocker when you can be Betty Crocked?

Upon proudly sharing my non-store purchased concoction, my friend Bex said “Tastes homemade.”

I can tell.

Uhhhh, thanks?

I made her drink it anyhow.

Made her drink it anyhow. Drink up bitch.

Or did I?

Typically a true party animal seeking to be the center of attention at all times, I knew my Tedstar was feeling low when I had to force him to take a selfie.

Stuffy host.

Stuffy host due to kitty sniffles.

When it was time for the ladies to sleigh bell it to slumber in their own beds, I gave away pussies as parting gifts.

Pussy parting gifts.

Just kidding. They stayed.

Saturday morning I was hoping to treat myself to brunch with sat-out-all-night-snacks but who wants room temperature carrots as hangover food?

Anything left for breakfast?

No breakfast for me.

While I was perusing an empty fridge, my Iowa twins were basking in the first snowfall of the year.

First snow in Iowa!

A few inches to start the season.

Being that they are almost four, this duo isn’t looking forward to the holidays, presents or Santa.

Not excited for Christmas. At all.

Not excited for Christmas. At all.

I for sure wasn’t excited to take Ted to the vet – worried that his sniffles may signify a worse problem than the common cat cold.

Hungover and Not Feeling Hot.

Getting the cold shoulder.

At the risk of sounding like an even bat shit crazier cat lady than I already am, I found TB’s little stuffed up nose and snot bubbles kinda cute.

Pissy pants.

Not at ALL amused having to breathe through his mouth.

I knew I was in for it on the way home after the vet because not only did he get shots of antibiotics but they also took blood as well, which is something that never thrills Ted E. Bear.

Trouble in the face.

Trouble in paradise for CBXB.

Dropping my pissy pussy off to pout the day away, I headed to my fave watering hole Dalts for a little happy hair of the dog.

Taking the edge off.

Taking the edge off.

I was only in the restaurant about 12 minutes before I inhaled a cheeseburger that I couldn’t eat fast enough but wanted to make last the entire day.

There was a burger here. I swear.

There was a burger here. I swear.

Heading home Saturday night to watch college football conference games, I was reminded where I was a year prior. The Big Ten Championship game in Indianapolis with Camo, The Silent Indian and Dada CBXB, cheering on my beloved Hawkeyes (who have had a less than stellar 2016 season BUT made it to the Outback Bowl – I’ll take it).

Big Ten 2015

Two Hawkeyes, a Spartan and a Volunteer.

Funny thing is, although Iowa lost in the last two seconds of the game, it was still one of the best days of my life. As I prepped to watch Wisconsin play Penn State, I couldn’t help but connect with this sign during Game Day.

Truth.

Truth.

Sunday snuggles meant that somebody was starting to feel back to his old self.

Sunday make-up session.

Sunday make-up session.

After a day of rest and relaxation, the work week has started off guns blazing. Which is why I may or may not have Pirate’s Punch in my mug…

Captain's Christmas punch may or may not be in my work mug today.

100% chance.

Here’s hoping there’s more snuggles than sniffles in your week.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

p.s. - Only 25 more days until Fuck Yeah 2017!

p.s. – Only 25 more days until Fuck Yeah 2017!

 

 

How to Stay Warm With Booze

Winter weather got you feeling tired and blue with no one to nuzzle up to?

longing for a snuggle

Oh please. Don’t let that sad face fool you. I maul Ted daily.

Between pouring hot water on frozen car doors and shivering my ass off in the unusually fridgid Tennessee weather trying to get my vehicle to start this past weekend, I did the only thing I could do to keep myself warm.

Drink liquor. Warm liquor.

yummy

Two hot toddies per day keeps the cold air at bay! Wait, or is it four?

I’m sure you’re all shocked that I have other methods than just my thermostat to ward off the chilly temps. My stay warm cocktail basically gussies up bland hot chocolate (I know, I know, I’m a genius).

Allow me to introduce you to ….

The Snuggler

Here’s what you’ll need for this belly heating treat:

Kahlua

Peppermint Schnapps

Hot Chocolate

tasty trio

A boozy electric blanket for your body.

Start by carefully pouring a hearty amount of Kahlua into the mug.

blah

Follow with a heavy-handed glug (I seriously wait for the liquid to make a gulping sound as it escapes the bottle) of peppermint schnapps.

peppermint

Mix a package of hot chocolate (I selected diet hot chocolate, so as not to feel guilty about the generous amount of liquor included in my concoction – and then I call it The Skinny Snuggler) with boiling water into your mug.  The true recipe calls for one part Kahlua, one part Peppermint Schnapps and two parts hot chocolate but now that’s not any fun, is it?

Hot water

Upon completion, you will have to fight off those around you who want a sip (or lick) of their own.

Paws off!

So you’ll need to make a batch big enough for sharing – because sharing is caring, isn’t it?

Mix. Drink. Share. Repeat. Mix. Drink. Share. Repeat. Mix. Drink. Share. Repeat.

This method will lead to some serious snuggling.

Let the mauling begin!

Let the mauling begin.

And ends up being quite a fun cold weather remedy.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

How to Snuggle in a Tour Bus Bunk

Getting cozy in any bunk bed can be tricky but squeezing two bodies into a tour bunk seemed impossible this past weekend (although I know it’s not.  I’ve heard stories. I know babies have been created the tiny space. And we found a condom wrapper in one bunk from a previous trip – eewww, gross!).

blah

Small spaces are apparently  fun places.

The bus I rode on for my company trip to see Kenny Chesney had 12 bunks for our sleeping pleasure (although I think I spent roughly five hours in my fun space the two nights we were on the bus).

blah

12 beds. But I think it could “sleep” 24…

The slim hallway to the back bus lounge was surrounded by three bunks high by four bunks long.

Sleepy Hallway

Sleepy hallway.

For complete privacy in your bunk, you simply shut the non-soundproof curtain (I suggest bringing ear phones, ear plugs or your own pillow to put over your head if noise bothers you).

Tunnel of bunks

Tunnel of bunks.

There was plenty of room for me (an almost 5’5″ gal) to stretch out comfortably.

Room for one almost 5'5" person.

This is the life…

And if I wasn’t so concerned on missing out on any of the shenanigans taking place in the front lounge, I might have watched a movie on the drop down DVD player in my snuggle cave.

blah

No time for movies! There were Skinny Pirates to drink and Truth or Dare to be played!

Being that I’m so tall and not limber in the slightest, I chose a bunk on the top (naturally) and ungracefully hoisted myself up there time and time again. There’s no ladder, no step, no ‘oh shit’ handles while trying to climb in and out of the bed. So once I had my clumsy ass in the bunk, it made sense to get the full on experience of a duo between the sheets.

I hope I don't have to go pee.

I hope I don’t have to go pee.

Enter my gal pal C. She is an experienced tour lady and sauntered up to the top bunk like she was a ballerina (she didn’t see my entrance, thankfully).

Two's kinda a crowd

Two’s a cozy crowd.

While seeing the allure of sharing a bunk if not wanting to get one single moment of sleep, C and I decided after 46 seconds of snuggling that we’d probably be more cozy in our own love caves on wheels.  But if you really want to mingle in a single, be sure you’ve brushed your teeth (or are drunk and don’t care), shaved your legs (because there’s no way legs will not be intertwining) wear minimal clothing (this space will become a hot box once you grace it with your presence – let alone two bodies) and be prepared to snuggle your brains out.

Don't ask why I have a Santa hat and beard on.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

As Santa would say, the more the merrier.

CBXB

CBXB!

The Snuggler

Feeling tired and blue with no one to snuggle up to you?

longing for a snuggle

Longing for a cuddle….

Oh please. Don’t let that little face fool you. I maul that cat daily.

While thwarting off germs and sneezing my brains out this past weekend, I did the only thing I could do to make myself feel better. Drink liquor.

yummy

Two liquors per day keeps the doctor away! Wait, is that the right saying?

Here’s what you’ll need for The Snuggler:

Kahlua

Peppermint Schnapps

Hot Chocolate

tasty trio

Just a mug full of booze helps the medicine go down!

Start by carefully pouring a hearty amount of Kahlua in the bottom of a mug.

blah

Follow with a heavy-handed glug (I seriously wait for the liquid to make a ‘glug’ sound) of peppermint schnapps.

peppermint

Mix a package of hot chocolate (I selected diet hot chocolate, so as not to feel guilty about the generous amount of liquor included in my concoction) with hot water into your mug. The true recipe calls for one part Kahlua, one part Peppermint Schnapps and two parts hot chocolate (but now that’s not any fun, is it?).

Hot water

Upon completion, you will have to fight off those around you who want a sip of their own.

Whiska lickin' good!

Mmmm…I’d better have some so I don’t get Ma’s cold.

Then you’ll need to make a batch big enough for sharing – because sharing is caring, isn’t it?

blah

Mix. Drink. Share. Repeat. Mix. Drink. Share. Repeat. Mix. Drink. Share. Repeat.

This method will lead to some serious snuggling.

Let the mauling begin!

Let the mauling begin!

And ends up being quite a fun cold remedy.

CBXB

CBXB!