Tennessee Truck Trash

The state of Tennessee (along with Kentucky, Alabama and Mississippi) is often referred to as “The Armpit of America,” and when I first relocated to the greenest state in the land of the free it took all of three seconds to understand the moniker.

It seems that white trash folks live above the Mason-Dixon Line, where as red necks (who are really proud to boast about being one) generally reside in the South. And to be a proper red neck, you need a truck because they come in handy for attaching larger than life tires, they are used for muddin’ (yes it’s a sport down here) and with a truck, you don’t care if your window falls out or if you need a ladder to climb into the cab.

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My buddy Chris (complete in camo) caught in mud after a day of turkey hunting. Looks devastated (more like delighted), huh?

This proud truck owner apparently needs a ladder to climb up to the driver’s seat with the oversized tires in which he opted to attach to his ride. It makes so much sense for driving around Nashville, right?

Up the ladder to the truck, where you can see heaven much better!

Up the ladder to the truck, where you can see heaven much better!

Due to the photo quality you can’t quite see the beauty in this truck’s license plate….

Sound it out...

PRKRIND. Sound it out…

On the same Nashville interstate, I found this clever driver who decided glass was too fancy for his rear window.  He opted for plastic and duct tape (my favorite), which really classes the vehicle up – don’t you agree?

Duct tape to the rescue!

Duct tape to the rescue!

This lovely SUV owner obviously takes Tennessee trash quite literally.

Taking pride in their SUV

Taking pride in garbage.

Trashed dash

Trashed dash.

Of course after seeing my fellow statesmen class up our city, I had to get in on the trashy Tennessee shenanigans.  Since my dream car is a Range Rover, I thought I’d just go ahead and own one – all it took was  a marker, packing tape and cardboard. A true dream come true – for free!

Dream come true...

Think my new vehicle can handle the car wash?

Just keepin’ it ultra classy with my fellow Tennesseeans (does this mean I’m now a red neck?!)…

CBXB

CBXB!

White Trash Winery

How do you roll at Nashville winery Arrington Vineyards, owned by Kix Brooks – half of the Brooks and Dunn country duo?

Do as the Tennesseans do!

Take pictures upon your arrival to the vineyard, so you have proof you were there.

We're heeeeere!

We’re heeeeere!

Stalk the country music artist owner to get your picture taken and then don’t smile because you want to act like it’s no big deal.

My Dad and Kix Brooks. New BFFs (only he Kis doesn't know it).

New BFFs (only Kix doesn’t know it yet).

Bring your own food into the winery to enjoy while sipping (well, you’re supposed to sip but I like to guzzle) wine.  Being that we are transplants from Iowa, we’re Midwesterners and (otherwise referred to as Yankees in the South – because people here tend to forget the Civil War ended 140+ years ago) we are very no nonsense about our table and how we arrange our snacks.

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Nothing fancy for us.

It seems Southerners on the other hand are a tad more uppity with their dining decor. Our table neighbors had a pressed table cloth to feature the same store bought food.

Classing it up with a table cloth

Why go to all of the trouble? The chips taste the same with or without the table cloth.

Paper napkins are a must at a winery! If you have one too many people show up, you can always add additional napkins quickly by ripping in half.

Half Nap

Not enough napkins? No worries!

Paper napkins also double as photo shields when you’re trying to hide from your camera happy daughter.

Photo Shield

Too fancy for photos.

Don’t bother bringing plates for your snacks, either.

No Plates

No plates? No problem! Just use the dip lid for crackers.

Plus, with low maintenance food, cleaning up is a snap.

Trash Compactor

Stack and throw!

In case you didn’t have time to give yourself a proper manicure, don’t worry. Just whip your scissors out at a table and proceed like you’re in the comforts of your own home. It’s not trashy at all.

Mani Time!

Do as the Tennesseans do. Clip your nails at the table.

As for Southern winery attire, you can go one of two ways.

Shiny sequins are more than appropriate, of course.

Or you can choose the more comfortable route…

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And wear your finest sweatshirt.

A heavy handed pour helps empty Arrington wine bottles with swift ease.

Full Pour, Please

I’ll take the last drop, thanks.

But if you’re really worried about getting all of the wine (like me), just drink from the bottle. Totally acceptable.

NO WASTING!

Wine. A terrible thing to waste.

What winery visit would be complete without a photo bomb?

Facebook Profile

Dad wanted an updated photo for his Facebook profile…too bad!

After all of the chugging and glugging, you’ll find it hard to leave. I got rather attached to a big, shiny tree on my way out.

Tree Hugger

I only hug trees when I wine.

I don’t know how they do it in Napa wineries but South of the Mason Dixon Line, we’re nothing but trashy class, Baby.

And proud of it.

CBXB