How does one become a pussy poster child you are wondering?
You adopt five fucking cats in six months (yes, you read that right). And then become that bona fide crazy lady who is a borderline hoarder of little furry beasts. But I didn’t mean to….
You see, my love of pussy started at a young age and never waned.
Planning vacation activities as an adult around cat shows on piers qualifies one for being a deranged feline lover.
Falling in love with aforementioned cat show host because he, well loves pussy as much as I do.
Visiting Ernest Hemingway’s cat cemetery in Key West almost put me over the edge.
Naturally I made an ass out of myself crying alone in a fucking cemetery for cats. Actually, I was bawling behind sunglasses so much so that a stranger came up and asked me if I was OK.
Until that Key West vacation, I was a one pussy at a time kinda gal. Even though I’d always loved cats of all kinds, I had one precious prince at a time. Until there was New Cat.
New New showed up at my door one cold, snowy night and not wanting to love him after of course taking him in, I didn’t give him a name. He insisted on staying put in the mini manse and so, we kept this little Dennis the Menace who tore down window shades to get a better view outside, climbed curtains, broke vases, was once almost washed with clothes – you get the idea.
Yet NC and Ted fell in love and became playmates as well as bruthas from anotha mutha.
The first time I ever felt famous was due to New Cat because I had to get a prescription for him from Walgreens. And felt like an ass hat when the nice pharmacist asked for the patient’s name and I replied with New Cat to a quizzical look. Which was then called over the loud speaker when the medicine was ready…so now I get notes on my personal prescriptions from my pharmacist (who is now a friend!).
But very suddenly last summer, the most annoying cat in the world died of saddle thrombosis (a blood clot on his spine) at an emergency clinic in the middle of the night. To say that Ted was inconsolable is an understatement.
And then, I did the only thing a mother could do.
While stopping in at Pet Smart for Ted’s $75 bag of cat food, I accidentally saw these two mugs as Sweet Faces Rescue resided in the main aisle of the store with oodles of cats and kittens needing homes.
And then, I made the mistake of holding them.
At the same time.
Fast forward three seconds and I was adopting two bros for my main squeeze ho.
Mothers always know what’s best for their kids and the attraction between the twins and The Bear was immediate.
Precious the chug, not so much.
I knew the two new felines needed names and due to my love of all things Griswold, I instantly knew what I would name this duo.
And so the mini manse then consisted of Clark, Cousin Eddie, Ted and Precious.
But then, keeping in line with the Griswolds, my cat shitter got full.
Diharrea galore made Ted ultra sick.
The twins and Ted needed to be separated, so Clark and Cousin Eddie went to visit Dada CBXB.
Dad fell in love with the twins by the time Mr. Bear was back in the saddle so, in keeping with the Griswold family style, I wrapped up the damn cats and gave them to him for Christmas.
Ted was well, Presh was happy but then bad shit happened to me.
I was in dire straits for too long, wallowing in depths of despair while Tedstar and Presh were like two old fogies in a nursing home.
So, Mama CBXB thought it would be a genius idea to get me a kitten.
Typically, I rescue cats that are at least two years old, knowing their chances dwindle with each passing year they age. With this in mind, as I stood up with the newest addition to my family in Pet Smart, I saw these eyes peering out of a cage.
But wait! There was also a brother in the back of the cage who wasn’t adjusting well to rescue life because they were four when their owner surrendered them (stupid motherfuckers like that piss me off).
Naturally, I couldn’t leave them there one without the other. Yes, you heard that right.
Penny, the Queen of Sweet Faces Cat and Kitten Rescue about fell over when I told her I’d take all three of them (since I had rescued Clark and Cousin Eddie just a few months prior).
And just like that, I became even more famous for my love of pussy.
I’m not sure who was most excited about getting to their new permanent mini manse home – the pussies or me.
Turns out, they were welcomed with furry Teddy Bear arms upon their arrival.
Naturally I’ve taken all kinds of shit for having four cats and chug, loving candles, reading and being single.
But in the end, I really just don’t give a fuck because rescuing these babies has enriched not only their lives, they’ve helped save me. They’ve aided my sick little bear by assisting him to live on some love. And the company I keep is always feisty.
First Mate sent this to me one Saturday and I knew I’d finally made it as a Pussy Poster Child.
She said, “this just popped up on my feed and made me smile.”
Now get on over to Sweet Faces Cat & Kitten rescue and stare into my smiling, happy face. And if you can’t adopt, why don’t you donate?
On a side note, I’m not allowed to go to Pet Smart when I’m upset. So if you see me headed that way….STOP ME.