Jacksonville Tour Tomfoolery

A 12 hour tour bus trip for work to the Florida Country Superfest meant only one thing this past weekend….endless shenanigans for this Nashville chick.

Me and my one adoring fan.

Me and my one adoring fan.

After prepping my ride for the weekend with an overabundance of booze, low-class snacks and booze, we were ready to roll.

Weekend ride

My chariot.

Being that this bus was full of party animals, surprisingly there was only one rule to follow the entire trip…

The lone bus rule.

The lone bus rule located in the bathroom.

As we pulled out of Nashville, I assumed my assigned position of tending bar.

Happy Times

One Skinny Pirate and glass of vodka coming right up!

After an hour (or three) of cocktailing, hoisting my ample ass up to the top bunk was no easy feat.

Uh...

This is the face after a self-inflicted concussion.

No worries about the wound, as I did what you’re supposed to do after all head injuries. I slept it off.

After what felt like 32 minutes of sleep, we’d arrived in Jacksonville and I couldn’t get out of my own personal coffin fast enough.

Whoa Baby

Trying to bust a move off the bus gracefully.

I high-tailed it off of the bus and followed the signs to my fave place in any venue.

The stage.

Sprint.

Sprinting to the stage almost cost me two sprained ankles.

I've arrived.

Florida was underwhelmed with all of my non-showered, greasy glory.

Naturally it’s not easy taking selfies while staying out of the crew’s way, busting their asses in preparation for the evening show, so I didn’t stay around long enough for them to ask me to help with sound check.

Check 1. Check 2. Check yourself off of the stage.

Check 1. Check 2. Check yourself off of the stage.

Escorting myself out of the high traffic staging area, I decided to take my talents back stage and offer assistance near the tour trucks.

Just

Please. We all know I sat on my ass and watched others work as my nails are “jewels, not tools.”

In dire need of a shower, I settled for a semi-clean bathroom vanity to gussy my raggedy ass up.

Concert prep after being escorted off stage.

Touring at its finest.

It was then time to head for concert where I was treated to a warm up show by a lady who gave me a run for my trashtacular money.

Front row for this...

Who needs a pole when you have a chair?

Not wanting to be out classed by the chair dancer, I managed to spill an entire Skinny Pirate on my pal Rocky as I was prepping for a pic of us.

Hey oh! Managed to spill an entirely full Skinny Pirate on this guy and he still smiles.

Swimming in a Skinny Pirate and he still smiles. Sign of a good friend!

Speaking of friends, what about me getting to hang with my Florida bestie, who I had no clue would be in attendance at the festival?

My fab friend!

Surprise reunion!

Think she looks familiar?

Well, she does. Not only has she joined me in being a Holly Jolly Drunk girl this past Christmas, she also took part in one of my very best photo-bombing events.

Yep,  you've seen her before in my photo-boming mad skills

Which one of these is not like the other?

But I digress.

Of course Holly Jolly Drunk Girl and I consumed cocktails while catching up.

This is all we did...

She talked. I guzzled.

While us gals were gabbing, nature started to call upon my over flowing bladder, so I went to wait in a line that was roughly 5,312 ladies long. After 20 hellish minutes I realized that an emergency was about to take place, so I sought other means of relief.

Yep. I did.

Yep. I did.

I sprinted into the men’s room with my hands cupping my eyes while yelling, “I’m not looking! I can’t see you! I’m about to piss my pants!”

A very kind, extremely inebriated cowboy with his pants unbuttoned turned around from his urinal and tried to escort me toward the first open stall. While trying to avoid his germ filled grip, I slammed the door behind me and was greeted to this lovely sight.

Most disgusting

Only the classiest will do for this fancy chick.

While I’d never shared a toiled with a Gatorade bottle, a beer can and someone’s regurgitated lunch it was well worth the sacrifice because I would have missed Florida Georgia Line waiting to use the ladies room.

NOt Gonna miss htis.

I mean seriously. The sacrifices I make.

Singing along with the likes of Little Big Town, Eric Church and Jason Aldean for the rest of the evening didn’t suck either.

While bleary eyed and not at all bushy-tailed the next morning, I was greeted to a scantily clad Luke Bryan outside the bus window.

Luke!

Our fingers were crossed his ball would break a bus window.

Collecting myself for yet another jammed packed day, I met my buddy Aha! who is on tour with Easton Corbin.

Or my buddy!

Buddies so old we used to be in a band together.

While perusing the other buses backstage, my eye caught a very sore sight. It was a plane with an advertisement that was obviously never double checked, as it read:

“$250 for AIDS and hearing test”

Only at a country festival

Only at a country music festival…

Popping back up on stage, I earned a new side gig acting as a guitar tech for Easton Corbin. My big moment came when I ushered a guitar out on stage and whispered in a semi-shout, “Turn this thing on!”

Just helping guitar tech for Easton Corbin. My new side gig.

Aha! aiding me in my new career.

Being that I was embarking on a new profession called for a celebration with the crew.

Three cheers for the guitar

Four cheers for my abilities to guitar tech volunteer!

Many celebratory cocktails later, we were crooning along to our fave country tunes with our closest 75,000 friends.

Eric Church

Luke Bryan looking good in the fabulously lit hood.

When it was all said and done, we headed back to our home on wheels that looked like it’d been through a 21 day excursion, instead of our 48 hour trip.

Bar?

Anyone see the Captain?

Of course I was still enamoured with the mirrored ceiling that provided yours truly with endless entertainment.

Still

Mirror mirror on the ceiling, I still find this overly appealing.

Returning home, the only thing I could do Monday night was sift through the weekend aftermath in my purse.

Remnants...feels like my liver. Direct reflection of how my liver feels.

Remnants of a fun-filled two days.

In case you were wondering, this photo is a direct reflection of how my liver is still feeling.

Until the next tour…

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

 

 

On Tour With CBXB

My job doesn’t suck.

My job doesn't suck.

Backstage pass perks that sometimes come along with my paycheck.

When my boss asked me if I could play host on a tour bus to a festival in Jacksonville, FL this weekend it took all of .02 seconds for me to respond with a yes.

Actually, I think I screamed, “OH HELLS YEAH!”

You know, me being oh so classy and all.

Weekend ride

My chariot awaits.

While this weekend home on wheels rocks, it’s my job to stuff it with nothing but high quality snacks. I spent almost the entire morning trying to strong-arm my cart around the grocery store.

Fully loaded.

Who needs caviar when you can have Doritos?

But of course I lent my expertise the utmost important component of this trip…

Utmost importance

Putting my liquor brilliance to good use.

It’s good to have a belly full of cocktails before you crawl into the crevice otherwise known as a bunk on the bus.

My bed

A non-restful night’s sleep awaits yours truly.

Squeezing in

My graceful attempt to squeeze my ass in a bunk last year.

Although most of my time will be spent in the front lounge area talking, snacking, talking, cocktailing and looking at myself in the ceiling mirror.

Home

Best. Ceiling. Ever.

So you can bet your ass folks will be wondering why the hostess is on the floor most of the weekend.

What the what?! Mirror Mirror on the ceiling...

Mirror Mirror on the ceiling, does anyone else find this appealing?

As soon as my back hit the floor, I wondered which rock star used this area to put the mirrors to use…and then jumped up so fast, I almost gave myself whiplash.

But not before I captured a photo, of course.

Cheers to the weekend!

CBXB

CBXB!

How to Snuggle in a Tour Bus Bunk

Getting cozy in any bunk bed can be tricky but squeezing two bodies into a tour bunk seemed impossible this past weekend (although I know it’s not.  I’ve heard stories. I know babies have been created the tiny space. And we found a condom wrapper in one bunk from a previous trip – eewww, gross!).

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Small spaces are apparently  fun places.

The bus I rode on for my company trip to see Kenny Chesney had 12 bunks for our sleeping pleasure (although I think I spent roughly five hours in my fun space the two nights we were on the bus).

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12 beds. But I think it could “sleep” 24…

The slim hallway to the back bus lounge was surrounded by three bunks high by four bunks long.

Sleepy Hallway

Sleepy hallway.

For complete privacy in your bunk, you simply shut the non-soundproof curtain (I suggest bringing ear phones, ear plugs or your own pillow to put over your head if noise bothers you).

Tunnel of bunks

Tunnel of bunks.

There was plenty of room for me (an almost 5’5″ gal) to stretch out comfortably.

Room for one almost 5'5" person.

This is the life…

And if I wasn’t so concerned on missing out on any of the shenanigans taking place in the front lounge, I might have watched a movie on the drop down DVD player in my snuggle cave.

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No time for movies! There were Skinny Pirates to drink and Truth or Dare to be played!

Being that I’m so tall and not limber in the slightest, I chose a bunk on the top (naturally) and ungracefully hoisted myself up there time and time again. There’s no ladder, no step, no ‘oh shit’ handles while trying to climb in and out of the bed. So once I had my clumsy ass in the bunk, it made sense to get the full on experience of a duo between the sheets.

I hope I don't have to go pee.

I hope I don’t have to go pee.

Enter my gal pal C. She is an experienced tour lady and sauntered up to the top bunk like she was a ballerina (she didn’t see my entrance, thankfully).

Two's kinda a crowd

Two’s a cozy crowd.

While seeing the allure of sharing a bunk if not wanting to get one single moment of sleep, C and I decided after 46 seconds of snuggling that we’d probably be more cozy in our own love caves on wheels.  But if you really want to mingle in a single, be sure you’ve brushed your teeth (or are drunk and don’t care), shaved your legs (because there’s no way legs will not be intertwining) wear minimal clothing (this space will become a hot box once you grace it with your presence – let alone two bodies) and be prepared to snuggle your brains out.

Don't ask why I have a Santa hat and beard on.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

As Santa would say, the more the merrier.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Cinco de Chesney Style

My job doesn’t suck.

Working for a production company in Nashville makes for fun outings. This past weekend, our office loaded up a tour bus and headed to Columbia, SC to catch a Kenny Chesney concert.

All access pass to a fun day!

All access pass to a fun day!

My chariot awaited my entry.

My chariot awaited my entry. I could get used to this.

With a designated driver, party times Friday night ensued on the bus.  After a couple cocktails, our soiree into what seemed like a junior high slumber party with games like “Never Have I Ever” and “Truth or Dare,” being played.  The only thing we lacked was a warm bowl of water for the first person who passed out…

What

Truth or moonshine?

What trip is complete without Jagermeister (well, mine could have carried on without it)

Do you dare for a Jager?

Here’s a neat thing a fellow traveler found wedged between the ceiling of her bunk, leftover from a prior trip…

This is why I travel with my bed in a bag.

This is why I travel with my bed in a bag.

Upon our arrival, we found ourselves rollin’ with the big boys in the bus parking lot.

Rollin' with the big boys!

Our party parking lot.

Having an all access pass (poor, poor, pitiful me), I could roam the Williams Brice Stadium and see all of the shenanigans taking place before the door opened.

Williams Brice Stadium cold bleachers awaiting rear ends.

Cold bleachers awaiting rear ends.

Everyone needed their photo taken on the big stage, of course.

Pictures of pictures

Nice photographer!

blah blah

Listening to sound checks…not a rough day!

In case you’re blonde and/or are prone to getting lost, there are signs for you to follow everywhere.

There are signs everywhere in case your blonde and have no idea where to go.

Anybody know how to get to everything?

Vibe room to chill

It’s rough work being a VIP!

Think I’d still have a job if I rode the fish below like a bull?

Think I'd still have a job if I rode that fish like a bull?

Yeah I didn’t either, which is why you’re seeing this photo sans moi.

I wondered if Ted would mind this Marshall stack in our mini manse?

I wondered if Ted would mind this Marshall stack in our mini manse?

Aside from seeing Kenny (and Kasey Musgraves, Eli Young Band and the Zac Brown Band), the best part of the day was hanging with my work buddies (oh, and having an all access pass … and the cocktails … and the people watching).

Hanging with the crew

Hanging with some of the crew.

We came. We saw. Kenny conquered.

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It’s me! CBXB! Remember meeting me 10 years ago?

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I caught a glimpse of this below after the concert and had to take a picture – haven’t we all been there before, ladies? (But on second thought, who in the hell wears heels to a six hour concert?)

yuck

Wouldn’t you hate to be in the stall next to me and my camera? No shame here.

Of course Teddy was beyond infuriated when I returned home after being away one night. Therefore, I immediately shoved him in a sombrero (every cat’s dream) because we had to celebrate Cinco de Mayo!

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Nothing but love from those feline eyes.

Promptly after this photo shoot, I walked into my bedroom to find this scene…

Claws of punishment

Claws of punishment.

But in case you were wondering Mr. Bear and I made up by this morning. So much so that he settled in further to snuggle as my alarm (which usually makes him leap out of his fur), was screaming in my ear.

Where do you think you're going?

Where do you think you’re going?

How about my impressive, one armed, in-the-dark photo skills?

What alarm?

What alarm?

I did make it to work today – much to Ted’s dismay.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks

Work started Friday at Fontanel Mansion  – home of my idol, Barbara Mandrell.

While most folks would be excited to see two shiny new tour buses….

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Plush life.

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With matching interiors in light…

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or dark hues.

But not this chick. I about pissed my pants when I saw Barbara’s actual tour bus from the ’80s.

babs!

Barbara!

pinch me

Pinch me!

While her decor was a bit out-of-date, I was in love…

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Think anyone would notice if I moved in?

Especially when I saw her bathroom – which further solidified her idol status in my mind.

After my own heart

Mirror mirrors on the wall!

Working all day made me once thirsty gal and I found a new love at the after-party bar. Sweet Lucy – bourbon cream (which could also be called Heaven on Earth).

Gimme

Hello Lovah.

All of the work and play Friday made for lazy recovery time the rest of the weekend.

r and r

An extra cat nap for Ted (he waits up for me to get home) – he hates when I f with his sleep schedule.

After all of the napping, I prepped little goodies for my special Valentine peeps this week.

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Wrapped and ready.

Of course Teddy had to get involved.

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Ted’s tissue approval.

Exerting all of the energy once again made Ted tired and me thirsty.

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My Valentine.

This auntie got pics of the precious new twins.

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Sweet little piggies!

And as I cleaned all day Sunday, Teddy basked in the glow of my red Valentine light.

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Seeing red. Literally.

Now I just hope I can sleep this week because I have a hot date with Kid next Friday.

look out next weekend

Hello Mr. Rock.

Too bad my date includes 15,000 other fans.

Damn it!

CBXB

CBXB!