How to Throw an Ugly Sweater Party

Get your f'ugly on.

Oh come all ye ugly!

Last weekend, I thew a f’ugly sweater Christmas party for my lady friends (no boys allowed, as my mini manse isn’t yet large enough to accommodate both sexes). This was one of the easiest themed parties I’ve ever put together, as everything can be gaudy (my MO), trashy and anything but classy.

So here are my rules for throwing a CBXB style fucking ugly sweater party.

Rule #1: Create a photo op.

Luckily for me, my friend Camo is pretty handy when it comes to hardware and he agreed to build a place where us gals could capture all of our ugliness.

World's best assistant.

World’s best assistant.

Testing out the goods.

Testing out the goods.

Time for some f'ugly overhaul.

F’ugly overhaul.

Mission accomplished.

Mission accomplished.

Rule #2: Have a hostess with the mostess outfit.

My mom and I morphed into Nashville’s version of Tina Knowles and Beyonce, as she handcrafted my outfit with bows, velcro and a helluva lot of spandex.

Just like Tina Knowles and Beyonce.

The white trash version of House of Dereon in my mini manse.


CBXBey outfit complete.

Rule #3: Put the finishing touches on your gaudy decor.

My mini manse is pretty sparkly even when it’s not the holidays but naturally I add more shit when it’s time to par-tay. And you should too.

Glamingo gussy up.

Glamingo got gussied up.

Skull gussy up.

Even my skull hearts Santa.

Door prizes wrapped and ready.

Door prizes wrapped, ready and under the tree.

Mismatched tablecloths

Mismatched tablecloths from Gma, Mama CBXB and Target add extra gaudiness.

Themed napkins thanks to my gal pal Podunk.

Themed napkins thanks to my gal pal Podunk.


Hobby Lobby knew what kind of party I was hosting this year.



Rule #4: Prep the most important of the party – the bar.

Always offer a signature cocktail to guests.  This year I featured a grape martini accompanied by snazzy boxed wine, Jell-O shots (you know, keeping it classy) and beer.

Prep party drinks.

Grape martinis for everyone!

Wrap the wine

Fancy wine wrapped.

Jell-O shot prep

Whipping up the Jell-O shots.

Grab anything near to avoid messing up my jewels, not tools.

Open all bottles before guests arrive so you don’t find yourself grabbing the nearest kitchen tool with an audience watching you fail miserably.

Classy lady cans in a clean, class sink cooler.

Classy lady cans in a clean, classy sink cooler.

Rule #5: Force every guest to down a Jell-O shot (or five).

This will increase the fun that everyone thinks they’re already having.

You will do a shot and you WILL LOVE IT.

You will do a shot and you WILL LOVE IT.


Down the hatch ladies!

Jell-O to go!

Jell-O to go for a husband that wasn’t invited.

Rule #6: Put the photo op to good use.

Be the first to enter the finely decorated piece de resistance and then never leave so you’re sure to be in every single photo.

Photo op to good use.

Single shot requires jazz hands.

Doubling up...

The double up works nicely with moms and daughters.

Triple up...

Or have a threesome in a frame.

Rule #7: Invite a Mad Hatter for party entertainment.

Everyone knows a person who will up the ante of party fun and you need to be sure they’re available to come to your shindig.

Be sure to invite a Mad Hatter to keep the party interesting.

A Mad Hatter will manhandle the only dude allowed in the mini manse, Dada CBXB.

Mad dance in my bathrobe.

A Mad Hatter will go through your closet and appear in some of your finest threads.

Mad attire help.

A Mad Hatter will also help accessorize your outfit with a throw of an ugly vest.

Not amused.

Not amused.

Rule #8: Have a contest with prizes.

No costume party is complete without a contest. In this case there was a prize for Pretty F’ugly, Kinda F’ugly and SO F’ugly.

Prize time!

Prize time!

Too pretty

Pretty f’ugly.

Kinda f'ugly

Kinda f’ugly.

The grand champion of fucking ugly.

The grand champion of fucking ugly.

Not only did my gal pal wear a vest crafted from kitty cat material, she gussied up her face with the most gigantic glasses on the planet and did a throw back to late ’80s hair.

Details matter.

Details matter.

Rule #9: Take a wild photo with guests and the party will REALLY begin.

Jell-O shots consumed, three martinis in and women were ready to rock my mini manse.

Party on!

Party time!

Jazz hands out.

Drunk jazz hands showed up to ruin photos.

Half naked couch surfing began.

Half naked couch surfing began.

And the after party raged on to the wee hours of the night.

And the after party raged on to the wee hours of the night.

Rule #10: Beware of any party food topped with dark blue frosting.

Too much food coloring and your guests may wake up the next morning like this…

Blue Christmas indeed.

Blue Christmas indeed.

And that my friends is how you throw an ultra non-classy fucking ugly sweater party.

Now go get your f’ugly on!





Weekend Winks – Party On!

‘Tis the season to get shitfaced…

Holly Jolly Drunk Girls

Holly jolly drunk girls.

This weekend was filled with parties galore and while I am never one to say no to an invitation, I was lucky enough to be hosting both. On Friday, our company party was once again held at the Fontanel Mansion (where Barbara Mandrell and her family used to reside). Being that she was my idol, I always feel the need to pinch myself when I get to primp in what was once her actual bathroom.


OMG! CBXB mania in Babs’ bathroom.

While fooling around at the gun range in the basement (yes, this mansion has a gun range that happens to house the four-wheeler Gretchen Wilson used in her “Redneck Woman” video), I had to photo bomb a perfectly precious picture, naturally.

Photo bomb

Mama CBXB telling me Santa is watching and I’ll be naughty listed. Whatevs.

Although I refrained from trying any of Barbara’s dresses on this year (I shoved my ass in one last year of course) I did try to swim on top of the pool that was covered in plastic.

Pool party anyone?

Pool party anyone?

While I was extremely busy being a hostess with the mostess, my twins in Iowa were taking in their first parade.

Taking their first parade extremely serious.

Taking this parading shit seriously.

And Auntie CBXB was in recovery Saturday morning as Princess B ate all of the frosting that was supposed to go on her Christmas cookie.

Cookie Monster.

A gal after my own heart.

Party prep was underway all Saturday at my mini manse as I was hosting a ladies ugly sweater party. My outfit was complete thanks to velcro and bows minutes before the start.

Side One.

Side One.

Rear view.

Rear view.

Mismatched tablecloths helped set the ugly tone.

F'ugly decor

Decor gone wild.

Thankfully my pink tinsel tree is so gaudy it can be inserted with any party theme and fit right in.

Gifts wrapped and under the pink fabulous

Ugly or fabulous? You be the judge.

The photo-op was set and ready to be manhandled by girls galore.

All dressed up with no one at home.

All dressed up with no one at home.

I forced welcomed mama CBXB to stay and party the weekend away with me.


Hostess #1 and #2.

As the shindig started, grand entrances were made by every guest.

Grand entrances were made.

The Grand Marshall of grand entrances.

Usual suspects arrived one by one to my mini manse door.

Usual suspects arrived one by one.

Loving on some First Mate.

The Queen of Jell-O shots was sure everyone had a chance to consume one (or 12) of the gelatinous goodness.

Jell-O shots at the ready.

Don’t let her sweet smile fool you – you WILL be taking a Jell-O shot whether you like it or not.

My favorite male made an appearance to snoop be our designated photographer.

Dada CBXB made an appearance to be our photographer.

Dad never fails to make a party more fun.

Pretty sure he also came so that I could serve him Easy Cheese straight from the can.

Easy does it.

Easy does it.

You know at a party full of women a few selfies were snapped.

Selfie 1,892,391

Selfie 1,892,391 of the evening.

And photos of selfies were also captured.

Selfie x 2.

We can’t get enough of ourselves.

A party of mine isn’t complete without a contest and the winner of the ugliest outfit showed up in a cat vest accompanied by a Teddy Bear pin. So this outfit winning was a no brainer. Well that and she looked truly heinous thanks to her threads.

Ugliest outfit contest winner. Fellow sizzle reel.

My sizzle reel gal pal takes home the top prize.

All in all one fabulously festive evening with some of the best gals on the planet.

All in all a fabulously ugly night with the ladies!

I wish we knew how to have fun.

I do have a feeling that my grape martinis ended up making some of my friends feel stupendous on Sunday morning…

Hello Sunday. I hate you.

Hello Sunday. I hate you.

But luckily for me, I recovered with the best breakfast a hungover gal could ask for…Easy Cheese.

Brunch 'n' munch.

Brunch ‘n’ munch.

Here’s hoping you have a party or two to attend this holiday season. If not, I’ll be giving you tips on how to throw your own ugly sweater soiree tomorrow.