Oh come all ye ugly!
Last weekend, I thew a f’ugly sweater Christmas party for my lady friends (no boys allowed, as my mini manse isn’t yet large enough to accommodate both sexes). This was one of the easiest themed parties I’ve ever put together, as everything can be gaudy (my MO), trashy and anything but classy.
So here are my rules for throwing a CBXB style fucking ugly sweater party.
Rule #1: Create a photo op.
Luckily for me, my friend Camo is pretty handy when it comes to hardware and he agreed to build a place where us gals could capture all of our ugliness.
World’s best assistant.
Testing out the goods.
F’ugly overhaul.
Mission accomplished.
Rule #2: Have a hostess with the mostess outfit.
My mom and I morphed into Nashville’s version of Tina Knowles and Beyonce, as she handcrafted my outfit with bows, velcro and a helluva lot of spandex.
The white trash version of House of Dereon in my mini manse.
CBXBey outfit complete.
Rule #3: Put the finishing touches on your gaudy decor.
My mini manse is pretty sparkly even when it’s not the holidays but naturally I add more shit when it’s time to par-tay. And you should too.
Glamingo got gussied up.
Even my skull hearts Santa.
Door prizes wrapped, ready and under the tree.
Mismatched tablecloths from Gma, Mama CBXB and Target add extra gaudiness.
Themed napkins thanks to my gal pal Podunk.
Hobby Lobby knew what kind of party I was hosting this year.
Truth.
Rule #4: Prep the most important of the party – the bar.
Always offer a signature cocktail to guests. This year I featured a grape martini accompanied by snazzy boxed wine, Jell-O shots (you know, keeping it classy) and beer.
Grape martinis for everyone!
Fancy wine wrapped.
Whipping up the Jell-O shots.
Open all bottles before guests arrive so you don’t find yourself grabbing the nearest kitchen tool with an audience watching you fail miserably.
Classy lady cans in a clean, classy sink cooler.
Rule #5: Force every guest to down a Jell-O shot (or five).
This will increase the fun that everyone thinks they’re already having.
You will do a shot and you WILL LOVE IT.
Down the hatch ladies!
Jell-O to go for a husband that wasn’t invited.
Rule #6: Put the photo op to good use.
Be the first to enter the finely decorated piece de resistance and then never leave so you’re sure to be in every single photo.
Single shot requires jazz hands.
The double up works nicely with moms and daughters.
Or have a threesome in a frame.
Rule #7: Invite a Mad Hatter for party entertainment.
Everyone knows a person who will up the ante of party fun and you need to be sure they’re available to come to your shindig.
A Mad Hatter will manhandle the only dude allowed in the mini manse, Dada CBXB.
A Mad Hatter will go through your closet and appear in some of your finest threads.
A Mad Hatter will also help accessorize your outfit with a throw of an ugly vest.
Not amused.
Rule #8: Have a contest with prizes.
No costume party is complete without a contest. In this case there was a prize for Pretty F’ugly, Kinda F’ugly and SO F’ugly.
Prize time!
Pretty f’ugly.
Kinda f’ugly.
The grand champion of fucking ugly.
Not only did my gal pal wear a vest crafted from kitty cat material, she gussied up her face with the most gigantic glasses on the planet and did a throw back to late ’80s hair.
Details matter.
Rule #9: Take a wild photo with guests and the party will REALLY begin.
Jell-O shots consumed, three martinis in and women were ready to rock my mini manse.
Party time!
Drunk jazz hands showed up to ruin photos.
Half naked couch surfing began.
And the after party raged on to the wee hours of the night.
Rule #10: Beware of any party food topped with dark blue frosting.
Too much food coloring and your guests may wake up the next morning like this…
Blue Christmas indeed.
And that my friends is how you throw an ultra non-classy fucking ugly sweater party.
Now go get your f’ugly on!
CBXB
Cowboys and Crossbones 