Weekend Winks – Tailgates, Twins and Louis Vuitton

Hawkeye

Still Hawkeyes at heart.

A three day holiday weekend meant it was time to high tail it up to Iowa in order to see the twins, catch a little college football and finish up a birthday celebration.

These two.

Princess and Prince B awaiting my appearance.

Being that we arrived in the wee hours of Saturday morning, 8am tailgating time came a tad early for me. But I was able to rally with a glass of vodka mixed with everyone’s favorite…Capri Sun.

Kid concoction

Can you tell my friends have kids?

Excited to be in Iowa City for the first game of football season, I met up with my college bestie, Whitney Lover  (who has a once-was-white-but-now-it’s-yellow-because-it’s-so-old Whitney Houston t-shirt from the “Greatest Love of All” days that she still sports) and couldn’t wait to get my hands on her little Lady E.

Saturday morning greeting.

One of us is bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Then we headed to see the action at the tailgates with 70,000 of our closest buddies.

Tailgate

Truth.

When it comes to Whitney Lover and myself, we do nothing but up the ante of classiness wherever we go.

Uping the class ante wherever we go.

Classing up the joint with our plastic grocery bag cooler.

Feed me.

Classing it up with food choices…a foot long corn dog and ribeye on a stick.

Nuttious treats.

As well as keeping it nutricious with our classy game day picnic spread.

Watching our Iowa Hawkeyes take in a big W was a fabulous way to kick-off the football season.

But want to know what was more fabulous?

Seeing my boyfriend, Herky the Hawk roaming the streets as I stalked followed him to beg, plead ask for a photo together.  He kindly obliged my request by driving as fast as he could down the street as I tried to throw myself in front of his golf cart.

Herky!

Pretty sure Herky’s  checking my ass out, right? True love.

Naturally a victorious football team AND running into my mascot boy toy called for celebratory bubbles.

Victories taste so good.

Victories taste so good.

The rest of the weekend required partying for my ma’s birthday, as the twins couldn’t be in Nashville on her actual big day. Being that this was a milestone, we brought out the big guns with friends and family joining in on one mother of a gift.

Ooh, really?

Yep. It’s really what the box says it is.

A Louis Vuitton will now be housed among my mama’s other accessories.

Still celerbating that bday

A gift worth celebrating!

And mom had a wee bit of trouble taking her new bag back to Nashville, as Princess B wasn’t about it let it out of her sight.

Yep. She's for sure my niece.

Yep. She’s for sure my niece.

Capping the holiday weekend out with one last cocktail took all of these ingredients…

Adios.

An Adios Motherfucker is an appropriate way to wave goodbye to summer, yes?

Cheers!

We sure thought so.

Adios!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Auntie Style

An unexpected trip to Iowa made for a whirlwind weekend for this Nashville gal, as among other things my sister and her family were in the middle of a move.

Fun aunts are amazing

Totally hands on during the move.

My bro-in-law saw that Anderson Erickson (the best damn dairy company on the planet) took notice of my Iowa appearance and put the most delish chip dip in the world on sale (I can typically eat a carton and a bag of Lay’s potato chips in one sitting. Don’t judge.).

Dip baby, dip.

Dip baby, dip.

The best thing about traveling to Iowa is seeing my twin niece and nephew, who are obvious geniuses as they have now mastered one steep step.

Step mastered.

Little Einsteins.

While arriving in the wee hours Friday morning, we needed a little pick-me-up when the moving festivities began at 8am.

Moonshine for the move.

Who needs mimosas when you have moonshine?

All of us but one selected suitable moving shoes.

Appropriate moving heels. Cinderella style

Anything more appropriate than Cinderella glass heels on moving day?

While some of us felt like Prince B mid-move, we were able to keep our emotions in check.

Not excited.

My condolences on the changing of your diaper.

I was able to muster the energy it took to stand and point as the movers brought furniture in all afternoon.

Traffic cop.

Traffic cop.

During my breaks, I felt it necessary to ride horses with Princess B.

Ridin' ponies.

She’s wondering what the hell I’m doing on her brother’s pony.

Lunch was accompanied by whiskey and ibuprofen, keeping spirits lifted.

Lunch break.

I should pack this in my lunch every day.

Because whiskey is needed in Diet Coke when you get to do fun moving chores like dismantle a couch to fit through a doorway.

Fun times.

Of course, I stood and ordered rather than get my hands dirty.

After feeling like my index fingers were about to fall off, the move was complete and I couldn’t decide which one of the moving men I liked better.

Watching is exhausting.

Professional, polite, fun and hard-working – call this company if you find yourself in the depths of moving hell.

No one was more exhausted after the day’s activities than my dogphew, Gunner who lounged under his Gigi’s feet all evening.

Dogphew

Barking is hard work.

Another perk about Iowa is getting to see my college bestie, Whitney Lover (as she has the oldest and most worn Whitney Houston t-shirt that once was white but now appears to be a stained yellow) when she has time to slide me into her hectic schedule filled with three kids’ activies.

Everyone knows of her love for WL and she was gifted with a matching onesie for her daughter.

Much to her daughter’s dismay, she received a matching Whitney Houston onesie.

Besties

We know, we know. Best photo ever.

And I got to see her little Lady E who has the biggest blue eyes you’ve ever seen.

Lady E.

Lady E with Auntie CBXB.

While Whitney Lover and I were at the bar, we noticed that a 70-year-old was trying to remain hip and cool (or copying my style completely) as she had the exact same hue of pink under her grayish white hair.  Please refrain from telling Whitney Lover how amazing her hairstyle was that day – we heard about it every where we stopped.

Pink Lady.

WL and I agreed that it’d be best if I just ended it all now.

In between meeting WL’s neighbors and kids, we headed to her house after a few cocktails. I had arrived late, so the entire neighborhood was about 14 drinks ahead of yours truly which made getting out of a seat belt extremely difficult for one Neighbor.

How many clicks to get out of a seat belt?

How many clicks does it take to get out of a safety harness?

Texting

WL wouldn’t know as she was busy texting.

And with not one ounce of ease and after 12 minutes, we were able to slide Neighbor out of the seat belt and secure her feet firmly to the ground.

Mission accomplished

Mission accomplished.

The next morning it was time to say goodbye to my fave bebes, so I read to Prince B one last time as he sat on his throne.

Stories

His Royal Highness loves his caterpillar book.

Princess B thought she’d give brushing my hair a whirl (and thankfully left no snarls).

Hair brushing

Brushing at its best.

On the way back to Nashville, we stopped at a gas station where my thoughts of inspiring hair color for seniors around the Midwest were solidified, as I saw an 85-year-old with pink in her pixie cut.

Kill. Me. Now.

Kill. Me. Now.

Who knew I was such a trendsetter for the AARP crowd?

Lucky me.

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Sparkly Seasonal Style

Shoe shopping, snoozing, and a sparkly pink Christmas tree accompanied by a little Whitney Houston rounded out my Nashville shenanigans this past weekend.

Leopard and zebra print go hand in hand, yes?

Friday night found the mall screaming my name and while there I fell in lust with sparkly, leopard print wedge sandals.  Pretty sure these were going to find a home on a shelf in my shoe closet, I still needed to give them a test walk. Problem was my skinny jeans were so tight that I couldn’t pull my knee-high socks off, which resulted in a look that will surely become the fashionable rage this winter season.

Hello fabulous.

Single-handedly starting a new trend.

As I pranced up and down the aisles, I came across a rather exhausted dad who was hogging the bench where I needed to rest my weary ass.

Snooze fest.

Teenage daughters are draining.

Gift with purchase

Gift with purchase? No thanks.

Since there was no room at the Shoe Snoozing Inn, I high tailed it to the nearest restaurant to rest my weary paws. Which of course included cocktails (how can one possibly rest without libations?).

Nashville’s most beautiful thirst quencher.

Ted and I were able to be lazy on Saturday morning, as we had no Hawkeye football to look forward to due to a bye week, although he was seriously underwhelmed by my computer’s presence in bed.

No emails, please.

Handy assistant snuggled down with emails.

My bestie from college has a rather unhealthy adoration of a Whitney Houston t-shirt. She wore this white top acquired from a concert in her youth so much, it appeared dingy gray when I first met her forever ago.

Oh Whitney

A once white Whitney t-shirt that’s now vintage…most likely causing Ms. Houston to roll over in her grave.

Said Whitney lover just had a gorgeous princess a few months back and much to my delight on Saturday, I received a pic confirming that the “Greatest Love of All” singer would be adored by the next generation.

Wanna dance

Like mother, like daughter … forced by mother.

Mr. Bear was able to move from the bed to his Pussy Palace where he thought the day would pass along quietly. And he was sorely mistaken.

lazy

Hanging out in the PP…literally.

What does a non-moonshine, football-less (i.e. no Iowa Hawkeyes or Tennessee Titans games) weekend mean for CBXB? Putting up the Christmas tree of course (what all normal gals do with their cat on a Saturday evening in November, right? And for all of you folks who are groaning that it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, just chill). And Teddy had to inspect every. single. aspect. of this activity.

Every nook

Every nook of the box.

And every cranny

And every cranny of the lid.

Tedstar immediately took a front row seat to the festivities and refused to move, as I tried to construct the 6′ pink tinsel (be still my beating heart) tree. Such a helpful pussy.

Front row

Taking it all in while not lifting a paw.

My fur ball did get off his lazy ass when it came time to throw the lights on the tree.

I was hoping he didn’t join the fried pussy cat from “Christmas Vacation”…and he didn’t. Phew.

When it came time for ornaments, Bear was all smiles (well, as smiley as a cat can be) until he caught a glimpse of himself in a photo from our first Christmas together. When I so sweetly adorned him with a reindeer hat and scarf (you know, how all cats are dressed for Christmas card pics).

Who moi?

WHAT. THE. HELL.

It took all of two seconds for remnants of embarrassment to get Ted’s heart racing, resulting in swift removal of my beloved decoration.

Not my best side.

De-ornamenting the tree.

He then decided to stand guard, ensuring that the mortifying pic would not make it back onto the tree.

Guarding for bad photo ornaments.

Over my furry body that f’ing photo will be displayed.

Feeling not at all bad, I thought it best to make up with the little furry love of my life. To no avail.

Room for me under the tree?

Room for me under the tree? Nope.

While Teddy sulked away his humiliation (he’s such a little bitch), I finished my pride and joy with a few Skinny Pirates assisting me.

Up and glowing.

Up and glowing.

And for all of you on the edge of your seats, worried about the status of Mr. Bear and myself…well, we kissed and made nice.

kiss and make up

After I got a very stern talking to…and almost lost a chunk of my schnoz.

I’m happy to report all of our body parts remain in tact today – although I’m guess I’ll be a few less once we take our Christmas card photo in a few weeks.

Happy Monday!

CBXB

CBXB!