Key West Clicks

Oh the perks of a beach vacation…

Being the lucky gal that I am, saying yes to a trip to Key West for a break in the dreary Tennessee weather was not a hard decision. What does one do while on the way to a beach destination?

Greet lunch with a fruity cocktail, naturally.

A good way to start...

Vacations require cocktails at all times.

What better way to prepare your bod to slip into a bikini than to stuff your face with fresh crab claws and french fries?

Crab Claws

Thank God swimsuits contain elastic.

Instead of racing into lycra, I thought about being tied up and roasted for someone else’s dinner after all of the noontime sodium collected in my gut.

Pig Roast

CBXB hog roast.

Checking into the hotel, I could hardly wait to see where I’d be sipping my morning Bloody Mary’s…

Balcony

Balcony fail.

But the view from my vacation porch didn’t really matter much because I immediately planted my crab claw happy ass here…

View

Successful view.

After a hard day soaking up the sun, it was time to research the Key West nightlife. I had a difficult time deciding if this particular bar would be a good choice or not…

Should I Stay?

Should I stay or should I go now?

After an evening filled with Skinny Pirates, a sunset and me remaining fully clothed I decided to detox with yoga on the beach the next morning.

Namaste

Namaste.

Practicing yoga under palm trees with the sound of ocean waves in the distance sounded to good to be true.

Yoga Under Trees

Little slice of paradise.

And anything that sounds too good to be true usually is, right?

TRUTH.

Because just as the few folks who were ferocious enough to put their vacay hangovers aside and partake in yoga we were greeted with this unsightly horror…

Dog Stroller

Fucking seriously.

And while you may be thinking what’s wrong with a baby at beachside yoga (aside from everything), there’s something even more wrong with the fact that there were two (yes TWO) Pomeranian puppies in that stupid stroller (I say this as an animal lover) that did nothing but whine, whine, whimper, bark and whine every other second for the full hour.

Not this cute.

The pups resembled Ted’s adorable buddy Nigel above but quickly turned into the most heinous dogs ever with their incessant noise.

There’s nothing more relaxing than concentrating (bark) on perfecting (whine) a plank (bark bark) with two (whimper whimper whimper) upset dogs. What made these little fur balls even more annoying?  The fact that both their humans completely ignored their yammering while they were doing downward dogs. Yes, parents can make even the most adorable kids ugly to others. Congratulations to the vacationing idiots.

After the most non-relaxing hour of yoga in history, I started in on the day’s real matter of business.

Mantra

Driven to drink by dogs and stupid humans.

So I parked it on my favorite lounge chair to begin the day’s vacation festivities.

Bloody Mary

Why can’t reading by the pool while sipping cocktails be a real job?

Drinking All Day

I would be a star employee.

Although I could never keep the fruit attached to the rim of my glass.

Lime Fail

Lime fail #27.

I would probably be the first employee ever to be fired from beachside lounging with cocktails…

No Moonshine?

No moonshine on the beach? Oops.

One of the best features of Key West is being able to stroll along the street, stop into bars and carry cocktails down to the Sunset Pier.

Sunset Pier

See ya tomorrow.

I thought the next best thing to the sunset was a band (that didn’t play anything other than Phish songs – a fail in my book) that had a dog on stage. Seeing this chillaxin’ canine melted any animosity I held against the entire species due to those yapping yoga puppies.

Dog Me

Can I have your dog? Please?

Watching sunsets and admiring dogs can leave one famished, so naturally you must cram your face full of swimsuit busting food.

Bikini Mania

Working on my bikini body.

Then have a nightcap (or three) at the World’s Smallest Bar.

World's Smallest Bar

Seriously. That tiny.

And because even in flip-flops my feet ache after walking 10 too many steps, I jumped at the first chance I could to cruise in the most gorgeous cab I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Pink Taxi

Can you drive me back to Nashville?

You know you’ve had a fabulous trip when this is how you feel about returning to ‘real’ life…

Vacay Over

Why do vacations have to end?

If anyone is looking for a sidekick for their next beach getaway, holla at me!  I’m an expert at drinking in the sun…

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

 

 

Weekend Winks – Hippity Hoppity Style

Money hunt with the help from Captain.

Money filled eggs + Skinny Pirates = Perfect Easter

As Easter found its way to Nashville yesterday, I packed up the kit cats and headed out to see what the bunny left behind at my parent’s house.

Over the river...

Ted is the best navigator ever – or so he thinks.

New Cat was a little less chill, as he howled the meow of his people the entire 30 minute ride. That being said, this car ride was the longest one we’ve shared yet and the first time he’s been in a kennel that wasn’t whisking him away to the vet.

New Cat

Not so happy New Cat.

After the incessant bawling, Mama needed an Easter cocktail immediately upon arrival.

Drove me to drink.

Driven to drink.

While sipping on refreshments, we got to FaceTime with the twins in Iowa. My niece has taken a shine to the phone (naturally) and being able to see herself on the screen.

Getting down with her bad self

Hello Gorgeous.

Cute Faces

Double the fun – definitely double the trouble.

My buddy The Wandering Poet spread the bunny love by decorating eggs with his Twitter Krew.

Krew

Best batch of eggs this year.

Which reminded me of the years full of egg hunts with cousins and our beautiful makeshift Easter baskets – plastic grocery bags.

Old school baskets. Trashtacular baskets

Trashtacular Easter at its finest.

While I didn’t have any cousins to trample, I was able to take my sweet time in collecting eggs and finding my Easter basket (I was very good this year…if you believe it).

Easter mania

Double fisting.

Tedstar refused to move from the chick pail full of eggs scooped up from our annual money hunt (instead of candy, my bunny stuffs the plastic with cold hard cash). And this year, none of the eggs jingled when shook with the usual dimes, nickles and pennies.

Guard cat.

Guard cat.

Score!

Score!

What did get Teddy up and running strolling was a Toblerone bar that he knew he couldn’t have – but tempted himself anyway.

Lured with chocolate

Inconspicuous fail.

Aside from our annual money hunt there is another family tradition that involves the cheap, Easter basket grass and my dad.

This guy loves him some Easter grass.

This guy loves him some Easter grass.

Being that I can’t help myself from leaving a trail of this stringy shit everywhere like my own version of the Tasmanian devil, my dad once made the mistake of voicing his disdain for my messiness with the fake plastic grass.

Easter Grass Galore

Case  in point.

In the past I’ve hidden piles of this festive filler under his pillow, in his shoes, in the bed, etc…So this year the E. Bunny got smart and inserted paper grass into my basket instead, hoping to thwart finding strings of plastic on the floor until Christmas.

But…I can’t be stopped.

What's behind his shower curtain?

A little shower surprise…

Peter Cottontail was here.

The CBXB Bunny was here.

After planting the Monday am prank, the cats and I high tailed it back to our mini manse, where we closed the fabulous weekend with one last cocktail.

Easters taste so good.

Easters taste so good.

We hope Peter Cottontail was as kind to you as he was to Nashville.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

World’s Bitchiest Bunny

Here comes Teddy Cottontail
Bitchin’ down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppin’, Easter’s on its way!

Clawin’ every chance he gets
At his own mother’s neck
Here’s hopin’ that we brighten your Easter day!

T. Bunny

T. Bunny

Paws crossed the bunny finds you.

Happy Easter!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

 

Adios Amigos!

Goodbye Nashville! Hello vacay!

A few weeks ago I was bitching and moaning that I had nothing on the books for Spring Break. The vacation Gods heard my whiny ass soon and soon I’ll be basking at the beach while cabana boys deliver endless umbrella adorned Skinny Pirates.

Teddy will be checking in on the blog (as he loves revisiting posts all about him, naturally) while I’m away.

Ted loving Ted

Ted loving Ted.

Of course he’ll also be pining for me daily, so he’ll dramatically thrust himself into a fave blanket in my absence.

Feeling sorry for himself

Feline fit for a soap opera.

New Cat has tried to pack himself among my sunscreen and sequins, although he miserably failed as he ripped every bag he tried to hide in to shreds.

Hi. I'm expensive. And I like it that way.

Where do you think you’re going?

While both of my pussies will be in beyond capable hands, I know I’ll be paying one high price upon my return (which is why I’ll be stocking up on cat nip while away).

If you hear of any breaking news on the beach, I had nothing to do with it….

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Leading and Loving It

My Nashville weekend kicked off at my fave watering hole, Dalts.

Fun times

Wishing Friday nights were fun.

While we were busy whooping it up and throwing jazz hands down at one end of the bar…

Fun

What’s a Friday without a jazz hand?

…the other end of the bar was hosting the worst date of the year…

Date nightmare.

Very clear chemistry.

…and the men were lining up to ask me out.

Can you see me now?

Can you see me now?

Does it shock anyone (anyone?) reading that I had another birthday celebration?

Bombed!

Showing off the silver bag while being photo bombed.

We then able to played around the world with my gifted sake, homemade apple brandy, my Skinny Pirate and a Miller Lite. Did we miss anything?

Foursome

Fabulous foursome.

My fave bartender, Marjia even got in on the photo fun by posing with my buddy’s sixer – and yes, that’s how they serve him.

Marjia the Bartender

Perfect presentation.

While I slept Saturday morning away, the Iowa twins were basking in the glory of a new play set.

Play on.

Play on.

My niece also proudly displayed her pink cowboy boots that came from Auntie CBXB…

Shit kickers

Shit kickin’ after my own heart!

Seeing the fun she was having parading in her boots, I decided to prance around in my Prada kitten heels.

Prada Prance.

TJ Maxx score of the century.

Upon returning back to the mini manse, I had a fun surprise awaiting my arrival.

Nordstom

Who doesn’t like a Nordstom bag hanging on their door?

Which ended up being a belated birthday gift well worth the wait – a pink Alexander McQueen scarf.

Wish knew me better.

Wish my friends knew me better.

Turns out while Mama was away, the cats played and broke into an outlawed bag of food. This bag was in a closet that the little monsters pried open and drug to the kitchen. Being that it is not Mr. Ted E. Bear’s $60 prescription duck and pea food, he’ll surely be getting sick any second. Little beasts.

Gone too long.

Gone too long.

On Sunday I went with the slicked back no bangs look, as I am waffling on whether or not to grow them out. Thoughts?

No bangs Sunday

Bangs or no bangs? #firstworldproblems

What good is a weekend if you don’t sweat out the toxins before shoving more in?

Walk it out.

Bloody Marys for me after a jog.

My new mantra greeted me at mile marker four.

Duh.

You know it.

As the end of my weekend came to a close, I tried to finish the 391 loads of laundry seeping into all areas of the mini manse. Ted was a gigantic help.

Exhausted

Folding laundry is exhausting.

Here’s hoping you have a week’s worth of clean clothes and cocktail to keep it fun.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

 

Youth is Wasted on the Young? Bitch, Please.

My favorite Georgia dame, Ldawg tagged me in a game (on Facebook) and of course I just had to play, as I never want to miss out on any fun.  The skinny is the tagger selects an age and you answer questions in regard to that time in your life.

Here goes…
Age I was given: 22

Ringing in the 22nd.

Ringing in the 22nd.

Where I lived: Iowa City, IA

Iowa City fun times.

Hawkeyes at heart.

What I drove: a cool red Beretta (that I once had Johnny Rzeznik from the band Goo Goo Dolls in but that’s a story for another day).
What I did: graduated college with a broken leg and put my two degrees to use by bartending afterward before heading to Nashville.

Broken ankles are fun when you

Broken ankles are fun when you have cousins to carry you around.

Bar tending at its finest.

Bar tending at its finest.

"Packing" the night before I left for Nashville.

“Packing” the night before I left for Nashville.

Who had my heart: Nicodeamus – the first little fur ball love of my life.

Such a sex kitten.

Such a sex kitten.

Where I currently live: Nashvegas, Baby!

Only a pinky out will do

My gaudy Nashville style. Pinky up.

What I drive: Toyota 4Runner that has turned into a piece of shit rust bucket.

Dream come true...

Willing my ride into a Range Rover.

What I do: Have fun!

Risky Business

Fun with bubbly.

still

Family fun.

Titans Mania!

Fun at football games.

Abracadabra!

Fun times booblegging.

Red neck? Fabulously trashy? Ultra stupid to give me a machine gun?

Fun times with a machine gun.

Two for one....

Two times the fun.

My feet hurt, I need a lift.

Piggy back ride fun.

never

Lake of the Ozarks family fun.

to PM....I could get used to this.

Bathroom primping fun.

Perfecting our scare faces

Riding in the car fun.

Our work version of Santa.

Fun at work.

Snuggle Time

Fun times with the pussies.

How to turn a gay man straight...well, maybe not.

Trying to turn a gay man straight fun.

Like fam

Selfie fun.

Party Girl not pooped.

Never wanting the party to end fun.

Who has my heart:  Mr. Ted E. Bear and those chubby cheeked twins in Iowa.

Film me, Bitches.

Heart portion #1.

Twins

Heart portions #2 and #3.

Wanna play? Comment below or on Facebook and I’ll give you an age.

Cheers to not wasting any day in your life!

CBXB

CBXB!

My Pussy Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

My pussy cat Mr. Ted E. Bear loves to hate me.

All I do.

Truth.

For some odd reason, even though I shower the little love of my life with more affection than a newborn human, he can be so bitchy.  Many times when I’d like to scoop him up for a photo-op, he loves me not.

Kiss me fool

Bitch please.

Still not loving me.

Cheek bite

Getting cheeky.

Forced to love me.

Wranlge

Face of defeat.

Teddy gets extremely annoyed with football season, as every Saturday becomes a drunken moonshine guzzling family affair and he isn’t afraid to showcase his disdain.

Not football friendly. Tailgate fail.

No pussy love for tailgating.

But what I can’t understand is Ted’s pissy behavior when I force him into his Sunday best…

Can't

Loves me not.

Or dress him up in a bee costume…

Help

Desperately wanting to sting his mother.

Or make him be a version of Robin Thicke to my Miley.

Myself

Love me not.

Money shot!

For sure hates my guts.

What I do know is that regardless of whatever giddy up I shove Tedstar into, he always warms up (after some treats are dispersed – green peas are his fave), comes back around (once I have thoroughly massaged between his ears, under his chin with the grande finale of a belly rub) and gets in the saddle once again to be my constant sidekick.

Always got my back.

He’ll claw a bitch.

So no matter how much my pussy love to hate me, we always kiss and make up.

Kiss and make up.

Loves me?

Whether he likes it or not.

CBXB

CBXB!