Losers Lane

Drowning in my sorrows.

Game day gulping at its finest.

So my blogging buddy Mark Bialczak and I had a virtual pinky bet last weekend, as our alma maters were going head-to-head in a college football game with the loser posting a victorious, smiling photo of the winner.

Being an overly confident ass, I just knew my Iowa Hawkeyes were going to beat some Maryland Terp tail.  When my black and yellow outfitted men scored a touchdown due to an interception in the first minutes of the game, my confidence soared.

Shine On!

One touchdown, one moonshine shot.

I had a hunch Mr. Mark wasn’t feeling so peppy after that turnover….

Not so fabulous first quarter for the Terps. Terp Tears

Terp tears.

My head swelled to an inconceivable size when Iowa scored a second touchdown within the first quarter making the score 14 to zip, zilch, nada.

Yeehaw

Shine time!

But it turns out that we Hawk fans did a victory dance three quarters too soon.

Happy dances done all too soon.

Overly confident two-step.

Much to my dismay, those Terps found themselves up 21-14 in the third quarter and at that point, even Mark’s cutie of a puppy, Ellie B. got in on the cheering.

Ellie B even got in on the turnaround cheer

Turnaround for the Terps.

Turns out my hyped up Hawkeyes failed to rally and lost 31-38.

Oh boy...thumbs down

A sparkly thumbs down.

So without further ado, please give a big round of virtual applause to the winners of what will surely be an annual pinky bet, Mark and his dear wife Karen.

Victorious! Until next year...

These two are too k-ute to trash talk.

Until next year….

CBXB

CBXB!

The Great Gourd Gussy Up

Once upon a time (like yesterday) this wickedly crazy for Halloween lady decided plain old orange pumpkins weren’t for her.

Merry Halloween!

Merry Halloween!

I had sudden pangs of guilt for my three recently acquired, extremely traditional pumpkins because they sat on ordinary stairs, doing their best to decorate a very common staircase.

Plain, Plainer and Plainest.

These pumpkins longed to be dazzled up and shine their brightest in the Halloween spotlight (I mean c’mon, they’re my gourds after all – like they’d be satisfied staying a plain old orange) and because I have a knack for all things sparkly, I set out to bedazzle the hell out of my mini manse drawbridge.

It started with a few cans of contemporary magic….

All found at your local hardware castle.

…and grass magically turned silver (on accident, as I did try to protect it…kinda) when a pumpkin makeover commenced.

Shiny and Shinier.

A little metallic silver here and glossy black there and…

POOF!

Gussied up gourds in all their glory.

The poor peasant pumpkins went from mediocre to magnificent in moments.

But this Halloween monster still felt that something was missing on my little plump pretties.

Enter the masked crusaders. $2.00 each, Target.

Of course plain white accessories just wouldn’t do, so glitz was added with a witchy wave of a spray can.

Accompanied with a sprinkle of modern-day fairy dust.

And finally, garnished with glamour.

So it is with pleasure that I proudly introduce the gaudiest fairest pumpkins in all the land…

And a precious pumpkin for even the most annoying feline in the animal kingdom, New Cat.

With the help of contemporary magic, these primped up pumpkins turned an ordinary staircase into a regal entrance.

The drawbridge of my mini manse is now complete.

And they’ll live happily ever after! (Well, they’ll live until I want to get my Christmas tree out on November 1st anyway)

Don’t judge.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Bird Shit and Losing Bets

The Nashville weekend started early with a chance to go see a Beatle in all of his glory – for free!

This didn't suck.

This didn’t suck.

Taking full advantage of what our suite had to offer, waiting for Sir Paul to take the stage wasn’t difficult.

Suite life

Stalking up in the suite.

Gals on a budget know what to do when presented with free food.

Double fist.

Taking full advantage of the free. Gals on a budget know what to do when presented with free food. Double fist.

Cramming it in with class.

The concert was beyond fantastic, with Sir Paul playing for nearly three hours.

American, England and Tennessee flags flying high. See that small black one in the background? It was a pirate flag, which I assumed was for me.

American, England and Tennessee flags flying high. See that small black one in the background? It was a pirate flag, which I assumed was for me.

Naturally I had to snap my photo with the rock star and I’m pretty sure it turned out good enough to be my Christmas card this year.

Me

You can totally tell where I am, right?

Seems that flying on a kick ass concert high can be sucked right out of you the following afternoon when involved in a minor parking lot accident.

With someone who doesn’t speak English.

BOom

Fun times on Friday.

It did seem as if there was a small rain cloud over my head because while walking to a concert (yes, my third night in a row and yes, I’m still exhausted) I managed to get shit on by a bird. Without noticing it in my hair or my hand until I looked down to take a long guzzle of wine at the bar pre-show and then rushed to the bathroom.

Classy lady in the bar alert!

Bird shit. No shit.

Not bullshitting about the bird shit.

When the concert finally ended (Bluegrass shows promise two acts on the ticket, then invite everyone they know to come and play a song, which can make a concert last four hours), I mosied my way back to the mini manse to find this prize waiting for me by the door…

Left me this sweet surprise as he alwyas finagled his way out.

Ted’s way of showing me he’s done being a cone head.

Ted had a bum ear last week that he wouldn’t leave alone, therefore was forced into being in an uncomfortable state (you know, because he acted like the cone weighed 500 fucking pounds).

Ear infection?

Just trying to heal this little biatch.

It seemed like a small miracle the ear healed because every time I turned around Mr. Bear had weaseled himself out of the embarrassing accessory.

And then puked his way out of it.

All the shit I do and this is the thanks I get?

Cone head no more.

Good news arrived via text on Saturday morning proving that my niece, Princess B is going to grow up and be a rock star.

Rock star in the making.

Don’t worry, I’ll work on getting her a sparklier wardrobe.

It was also a big game day, as my blogging buddy Mark Bialczak’s alma mater was playing mine this weekend in college football. We had a virtual pinky bet that the loser had to post a big, smiling photo of the winner enjoying the game.

Food prepped

Our food was prepped.

Moonshine

The moonshine flowed for 31 points.

But in the end my team, the Iowa Hawkeyes were out played by the Maryland Terps and lost 31-38.

We took it pretty hard.

Losers

Loser face.

Drowning in my sorrows.

Loser post game activity.

But after we drowned in our sorrows for 30 seconds, we realized there was more football to watch, more snacks to eat and more cocktails to cuddle.

All peppy after taht.

Congrats Mark!

Who says sore losers can’t be smiling? Mark’s victorious photo will be posted on the blog soon.

Enjoy your week and be careful in parking lots…

CBXB

CBXB!

Bring it On, You T(w)erps!

Oh what fun college football season can be!  The camaraderie, the rivalries and most definitely the smack talk.

My version of a game face. So tough, I know.

My version of a game face with a double chin.
So tough, I know.

Being raised in Iowa, we had no (and still have no) NFL team to support. So you’re either an Iowa Hawkeye (yeehaw!) or an Iowa State Cyclone (ew, gross) and pretty much rally around your team, hoping for a conference title and possibly, a trip to one of the top college bowl games (which can feel like the Super Bowl if your teams wins – don’t judge).

Vintage proof that Iowa was at the top of their game....decades ago.

Vintage proof that Iowa was at the top of their game….decades ago.

To me, nothing can really beat a college football game at my alma mater with the tailgating, the rowdy crowd, the marching band and the memories of raucous times of yesteryear (you know, like catching one hour of sleep between Friday night shenanigans and the Saturday morning shit show of a college town at 7am on game day).

Go Hawks!

“Responsibly” reliving our college days at the first Hawkeye game in Iowa City.

One of my blogging buddies, Mark Bialczak went to the University of Maryland and they just joined our conference this year – the Big Ten. Our alma maters are playing this Saturday at 11am CST on ESPN2 and with a virtual pinky swear bet, the loser must post a photo of the winner rolling around in all of their victorious glory on their blog next week.

It's all smiles

Mark’s all smiles until the Hawks come to town…

Even though my team has the better record (Hawks are 5-1 overall with the Terps at 4-2) us Iowa fans know that anything can happen out there on the field. I ‘m in heavy prep mode as it’s no game day without a tailgate and I’m bringing out my non-secret weapons for help in the fun department.

Secret weapon #1.

Weapon #1 – Skinny Pirates.

Secret weapon #2

Weapon #2 – Popcorn Sutton ‘moonshine’ for touchdown shots.

You know, my family and their classy tradition.

Because you know, my family has classy traditions like that.

Lucky barware all set to go.

Weapon #4 – my lucky glass.

Food will be prepped and ready to go. A spread

Weapon #5 – our typical tailgate spread.

So with full bellies and some tipsy swagger, we’ll be cheering on the Iowa Hawkeyes at my Nashville mini manse (with hopes they kick some Maryland Terrapin ass) knowing Mark and his wife will be tuning in on the East Coast.

Game day smiles at first...

Terps fans smiles and brews.

Each and every 7 points acquired requires a moonshine.

Nashville based Hawkeyes celebrating another seven points with a moonshine shot.

And our fingers are crossed that we do more shots than the Terps fans.

Right Dad?

Right dad? You can tell he really hates scoring.

He really hates scoring.

Let’s hope you see Mark’s smiling face on my blog next week….

Game on! Go Hawks!

CBXB

CBXB!

Rock ‘n’ Roll All Night…

For CBXB, it’s rock ‘n’ roll all night….and pay for it the entire next day.

Jazz hands just scream rocker chick, right?

Jazz hands just scream rocker chick, right?

It was a girls’ night out in Nashville as Motley Crue brought their farewell tour to honky-tonk central.

GNO Crue

Me and my crue.

After six two rounds of pre-party cocktails we headed to the arena, where we stocked up on more libations before going in to see Alice Cooper, the opening act, pretend to be decapitated on stage.

Sobriety

Sobriety is no accident. It’s also no fun.

Naturally, after the besiege of concert cocktails we felt it necessary to hold a photo shoot at every location in which we graced our presence.

Photo shoot begins.

Pictures in the hallway.

My one and only move still going strong.

Photos at the bar with my one and only dance move.

Bathroom selfies!

Selfies in the bathroom….. like all the classy ladies do.

Show selfies

Seat selfies.

With all of our modeling, we almost forgot that there was an actual reason we’d come to the Bridgestone Arena. Luckily for us, we didn’t miss Tommy Lee’s impressive drum solo he performed while his kit moved up and down the lighted truss at .000000001 mph.

Oh yeah, there was also a show going on.

A trick as spectacular as a its geriatric pace.

After the concert it made perfect sense to do an additional whiskey shot in celebration of the kick ass farewell concert performance Motley Crue delivered. But something in my mind was doubting my capabilities to get up for work the next morning.

What the fuck is half of 2/3 cup? WHAT?

What the fuck do you think you are doing with that Fireball?! It’s a school night for Christ’s sake.

Naturally I downed that whiskey like it was Pepto Bismol, which is why I look so effortlessly chic and fabulous today.

Looking how I feel...

I wear my sunglasses inside ’cause I’m cool like that. And still burping up Fireball.

While my exterior appearance mimics exactly how I’m feeling on the inside, I need to get my shit together as I get to do the same thing all over again tonight when attending a Sir Paul McCartney concert.

For free. In a suite. With food. And booze. Free booze.

My liver is screaming “kill me now” with my feet expressing their disdain for my attempt to prance around in my high-heeled hooker boots for a second night in a row. But who cares what my feet think, I’m going to see a music legend, right?

And as Paul McCartney says….Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da life goes on bra.

Although I have a feeling my motto tomorrow will be more along the lines of “Live and Let Die.”

ROCK ON.

CBXB

CBXB!

 

My Eye of the Tiger

Eye of the Tiger

Rising up, back on the couch

Did my time, ate my cat food

Cat Food

Went the distance, now I’m back for a nap

Just a cat and his will to survive

Cat Nap

So many times, it happens too fast

I trade my snoozin’ for eating

Nap?

Meowing my head off for a full bowl of food

I must fight just to keep my belly plump

Meowing

It’s the eye of the tiger

It’s the thrill of the my life

Eye

Rising up to the challenge of annoying my mama

And the last known survivor

Cry Baby

Cries for food late at night

Just to interrupt my mom’s beauty sleep…

’cause I’m a tiger.

Tiger

Face to face, comfy in A/C

Acting tough, always hungry

Face to Face

Staring Mom down ’til I get what I want

From a cat with mad skills to survive

Stare Down

It’s the eye of the tiger

It’s the thrill of my life

Eyed

Rising up to the challenge of driving mama to drink,

Forgetting that she already fed me

Drowning....

And I’ll eat to my furry heart’s delight….

‘Cause I think I’m a tiger.

Eye of the Tiger

I’ve got the eye of the tiger…

And have my ma right where I want her…

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – R ‘n’ R Style

Still in a recovery mode from the stomach flu, my Nashville weekend was tame compared to my typical shenanigans.

My Skinny Pirate substitution for the weekend.

My Skinny Pirate substitution.

As I found myself shooting back the pink stuff, my dad was able to carry on the family tradition of touchdown moonshine shots on college game day.

Family Tradition.

Somebody had to keep tradition alive as our Iowa Hawkeyes won 45-29…good weekend to be sick, eh?

In lieu of my typical Saturday tailgating treats, I knew I was almost fully recovered when cookie dough was my snack of choice.

Snacking on

Snack attack.

While perusing social media in between college football games, I came across the most loving gesture that a man could do for his girl…

Truth.

Truth.

While it’s no surprise that this vino loving gal is cray cray over cats, it seems as if my nephew Prince B is also taking a shine to all things feline.

Handsomest cat on the planet...but don't you dare tell Ted I said that. (Don't tell Ted I said that)

Handsomest cat on the planet…but don’t you dare tell Ted I said that.

Speaking of the furry little love of my life, Teddy had a small little sore (we’re talking barely visible) on his ear that he managed to turn into a full on gaping wound yesterday, as he couldn’t leave it alone.

Ear infection?

Such a drama king.

After freaking the fuck out about it (and emailing his vet), I hunkered down on the couch and hovered over him with a watchful eye (like any crazy good cat mom would do).

Watchful eye on the couch.

You scratch, you die.

I wanted to be sure to get all of the happy snuggling in before I risked my life by lassoing a cone around my bear (which forces him to walk backward AND makes it impossible not to get kernels of his $60 food stuck in crevices – how embarrassing).

Paybacks are going to be such a bitch.

Paybacks are going to be such a bitch.

Here’s hoping my eyes aren’t clawed out by the end of this week…

CBXB

CBXB!