Good Vibes

Kitty karma is once again needed for the always dramatic king of my life, Teddy Bear. He’s been thwarting off some kinda sickness but blood work and x-rays have come back clean so today, he’ll be having exploratory surgery.  Having clear tests is positive, but only somewhat as Ted has lost nearly half of his body weight and he has no appetite.

IMG_6762

So hopefully today we’ll find out how to get Ted his groove back.

Fingers crossed!

CBXB

CBXB!

Shitter’s Full

Eddie Shitter

So…it appears that naming my new twin fur babies after my favorite Griswold characters has come back to bite me in the ass.

Clark and Cousin Eddie buttering me up.

Clark and Cousin Eddie buttering me up.

Upon bringing the twins home to my mini manse, I escorted them into the wing they’d be spending much time in – the Pussy Wing.  Within this section of my apartment, all things cat related happen in here. The litter box is behind the green couch, food stored behind the partition, window always available to perch, etc…

Mini Manse

A mini manse in a mini manse.

As you may well know (and he most definitely knows), the king of my castle is Mr. Ted E. Bear. Not only does this feline rule my roost non-stop, he has a version of kitty Celiac disease and needs prescription food to get by in life. Which costs a mere $65 per bag and can last one cat two months (which makes me thrilled out of my blonde mind that I now get to feed three mouths premium feline food).

Missing man.

My main squeeze.

Turns out that Clark and Cousin Eddie were beyond thrilled tasting this fine concoction of green peas and duck – so much so they were sucking it down their throats without even chewing.

Kitty cat caviar

Classy dudes with the kitty cat caviar.

It also turns out that the Griswolds have touchy digestive systems and this fancy food didn’t bode well with them.

As in, gave them diarrhea.

The squirts.

The runs.

Did you know that when cats have the shits, they don’t use their pan?

Me either.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Facing a literal shit show.

Being that the shade of feces and my carpet matched perfectly, I was able to put my foot in a few piles before I realized what was happening (and I’m sure my neighbors thought I was being murdered due to my overreaction of being touched by liquid dookie).

Trying to remedy this situation before having to burn my mini manse down to get rid of the defecating smells, I put out puppy pads, thinking this would help my sanity.

Sheer brilliance

Fort Diarrhea

Only when my little chug friend Precious saw the puppy pads, she thought she was being ‘good’ by using them.

So now everyone is shitting and pissing on the fucking puppy pads.

How could anyone be mad at this mug?

How could anyone be mad at this mug?

Thwarting further insult to injury, I tipped the green couch in the Pussy Wing up on end as Cousin Eddie is now sharting (a little piece of shit coming out with a fart) and there have been a few dribbles on the sofa.

Leaning tower of green.

Leaning tower of green.

I also lined the sides of the couch with foil because from what I have heard and read online, cats are terrified of the stuff.

Except for someone didn't get the memo to be scared of foil

Clearly.

Who knew Cousin Eddie was fearless?

Foiled by my feline.

I just had this feeling that no matter how hard I was trying, this shit show version of my life was going to last a bit longer…

Hope this works.

And, as Ed molested my head (as he has done nightly since his arrival) last night, I kept thinking that he smelled insanely rank but let it go.

All about the snugs.

All about the snugs.

Until this morning.

When I woke up still smelling rank ass and found this on my chest from Eddie’s sleeping ass.

Greeting the day by being shit on.

Greeting the day by being shit on.

WHAT THE FUCK

MAKE IT STOP.

So I’m taking the little shits who can’t control their bowel movements to the vet tomorrow and hoping there’s a cure for all things digestive related in these little monsters.

Driving me to drink straight out of the boxed wine bag. HELP.

Driving me to drink straight out of the boxed wine bag.

If I’d have known that naming my cats after Griswolds would result in an actual remake of certain scenes from Christmas Vacation, I might have reconsidered.

But until tomorrow the shitter shall remain full.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Under the Weather Pussy

Now that I’m officially on my way to being a bona fide, living, breathing, crazy as hell cat lady after recently adopting two more felines, we’re all getting settled in our new routines at the mini manse.

Such as sitting on my face while I try to read before bed on Friday night.

Right at home.

Eddie making himself right at home.

While the start to my weekend low-key, I found myself really missing out on the fun I usually have making an ass out of myself at the Iowa State Fair. Luckily, Aunt Crazy Pants was able to be a substitution for me.

Aunt Crazy Pants doin' the ISF fair for me!

CBXB jazz hands for everyone!

Knowing the fair was hand crafting menu items just for me made it all the more difficult not to be there, typically eating my weight in battered and fried hot dogs within a mere 12 hours.

Classy ladies like me e

Oh the heartache.

However, I had way more serious matters to tend to. My sweet little baby bear has been feeling awfully ill lately and made his third trip to the vet in two weeks.

Sick man.

Make it stop already.

But no matter how unwell Ted is feeling, he can still be such a little bitch showing his obvious disdain for myself for taking him to the vet, the vet for accosting him in areas rather unmentionable and also because he’s just a plain old piss and moaner.

NOT HAPPY.

Telling me where to shove it with those eyes.

One of the many nicknames Tedstar has received is Teddy Krueger…which I was reminded of when I tried to help the vet (and the vet tech) hold his mouth open for an oral examination.

Teddy Kruger at his finest.

I feel like we have our Halloween costume nailed down for this year.

Hanging with fabulous friends helped boost my mood on Saturday evening, putting my anxiety and worry on a much needed back burner for a bit.

Friends.

Saluting saddness away!

And of course wine always help sugar coat any situation with angst (in my case anyhow).

Because wine makes everything better.

My version of water.

Also lifting my spirits this weekend was my niece Princess B, who decided to play in her mom’s makeup.

Going for the smoky eye look.

Totally achieved the smoky eye look.

Aunt CBXB mania.

And…totally achieving the Auntie CBXB look.

Speaking of looks, Prince B just about melts my heart every single time I glance his way. Especially when he’s just received a big boy haircut.

My version of McDreamy.

My version of McDreamy.

A relaxing Sunday on the lake seemed like the best idea ever, until I had one too many Wild Ginger alcoholic beers…

Sunday on the water.

This could have been tranquil.

…and thought that spending 20 minutes on a bouncing tube, making my body contort into all kinds of positions only a Cirque du Soleil performer should be aware of was a better way to take it easy.

Because this is a good idea.

No, I can’t move today.

Realizing that I may be forever walking with a cane due to my boozy boating decisions, I tried to unwind (and untwist muscles that I never knew I had) by soaking in a bubbly tub. Except Clark and Eddie had other ideas.

Body back.

Yes, one ended up in the tub.

I was able to wrap the weekend up knowing that Ted was catching up on rest even though Clark really, REALLY wanted to cuddle (even after 428 warnings from a grouchy sick pussy not to).

Sleep it off. Ted's new best friend.

Ted’s new best friend – whether he likes it or not.

As the week moves forward, we’ll be taking all of the good karma we can get as Teddy goes in to see the vet this Thursday yet again.

I’ll be wearing gloves up to my elbows this time.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

How the Griswolds Got My Pussy’s Purr Back

Two times the pussy fun.

Two times the pussy fun.

We’ve been in a mourning here at the CBXB mini manse since the sudden passing of our beloved, annoying New Cat.

Leaning on each other.

Lean on me.

In the immediate days after, the reality of Newie’s absence was tough on Ted and I had to search for him as he took to grieving in random places.

Hiding

One is the loneliest number.

My concern elevated when my normally purrful pussy made no sound at all.

Not when I picked him up.

Not when I scratched his chinny chin chin.

Not even when I rubbed his belly.

C.O.D.E. R.E.D.

So what did this smart feline mama do? Headed to a PetSmart cat fair naturally, where the fabulous Penny from Sweet Faces Cat & Kitten Rescue was doing her best to find forever homes for insanely cute fur balls.

CCL

Hi. I’d like some more crazy please.

Once there, my eyes landed on these two faces which I fell for in .00002 seconds when one of their little paws came out and touched my leg.

NC times two

Love at first meow.

In a great big fucking moment of weakness (you know, the kind of moment where you know can’t believe what you’re doing because you’re keenly aware that what you’re doing batshit crazy but you can’t help it because it’s a decision you know you’re making regardless of what your brain is telling you because you’re following that feeling in your heart?) I asked to hold them.

Heart. Stolen.

Heart. Stolen.

Then, I heard myself blurt “I’ll take them.”

TWO PLEASE

Yeah, that’s right.

So, I’d like to introduce you to our new family members Clark and Eddie, named after my two favorite Griswold characters from what I think is the best movie on the planet, Christmas Vacation.

The Griswolds round out my mini manse asylum.

Rounding out my mini manse asylum with new patients.

Upon our arrival home, Ted was a tad confused because our little tuxedo brothers heavily resemble New Cat.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

THERE'S TWO??!

THERE’S TWO??!

Teddy headed to the bar for a stiff cattail where he processed having a mother who is nuttier than a fruitcake.

Escape to the bar.

Bar rescue.

Adding to the madness (and feeling like maniacal Dr. Dolittle), I also happened to be hanging with my favorite chug (pug + chug) Precious, who was also unsure of the turn of developments.

Matching duo.

Matching duo with matching concern for my mental well-being.

It was especially interesting rounding everyone up for our first night’s sleep together.

Mapping out the territory.

Mapping out the territory.

If looks could kill.

What have you done?

I'm seriously questioning that myself.

I’m seriously questioning that myself Presh.

But upon waking up with everyone in tact, I decided to make the announcement to a select few with overwhelmingly supportive responses such as…

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All in all though, I knew I’d made the right decision bringing home my own set of twins when I saw everyone buddying up the next afternoon.

Overnight success.

Overnight success.

Fast furriends.

Fast furriends.

While I am beyond happy with my adoption, I can’t avoid knowing that everyone thinks this will be me in the near future…

Well on my way.

Well on my way.

And I’m happy to report, Ted got his purr back.

Standby for the shenanigans.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Crazier by the Cat

Hi. My name is CBXB and I for sure may or may not have a pussy problem. But before I divulge, let me tell you how it all started…

A fiesta at work opened the weekend to a vast array of shenanigans on Friday afternoon.

Senorita and Senor Happy.

Senorita and Senor Happy.

And the debauchery carried over to another amigo’s birthday party.

My nose.

Picking the perfect birthday present.

I found myself waking up to darkness Saturday morning because I thought it would be a good idea to sleep in my prescription sunglasses.

Dazed. Confused.

Dazed. Confused. Blonde.

But rising in my sunnies proved ideal, as I simply rolled out of bed and trotted to the annual Tomato Festival in East Nashville.

Who doesn't drink shots before noon on a Saturday? WHO?!

Who doesn’t drink shots before noon on a Saturday?
WHO?!

Speaking of shots (caffeine that is), Princess B has decided that she will work at a Starbucks drive thru for her first job.

Your blueberry scone and coffee.

Your blueberry scone and coffee are ready.

While Prince B will most likely seek joining a band of pirates for employment when he’s old enough.

Cowboy with a little crossbones.

Cowboy with a little crossbones.

But regardless, this weekend the twins were all smiles because this big guy was up in Iowa for a visit…

Cheesers.

Cheesers.

Back in Nashville, minus 4,027,971 brain cells from the weekend (and although still in deep mourning over the sudden loss of New Cat) this happened…

Um....

Um….hi.

I, uh....er....

I, uh….er….I’ll take them.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Three times the fucking charm?

Help. Me.

CBXB

CBXB!